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#342983 - 10/24/10 08:04 PM Oprah
hopeandtry Offline


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 476
I just want to say, I am very excited about the show on Oprah. I feel that it has received a lot of criticism for a lot of reasons (i.e. What wasn't done, what wasn't covered, etc) and there is just no way everything can be covered in an hour-long show. I see this as a stepping stone and I applaud her for doing this show. I just want to focus on the positive without a "but..." clause. I am not trying to invalidate anyone's feelings, I just think praise is the way to get things done. I know if I tried to do something to educate people about CSA (wrote a book, etc) and I was criticized for everything I didn't talk about in my book, I would feel pretty hurt. I hope this doesn't sound insensitive.


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#342985 - 10/24/10 08:12 PM Re: Oprah [Re: hopeandtry]
hopeandtry Offline


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 476
Maybe this bothers me because in spite of trying to help my ex, I have been told "Yeah I know you care about me BUT you don't do this right or that right." "Yes, you try to understand and you have good intentions BUT you keep hurting me or screwing up." I dunno, those of us who are not survivors cannot POSSIBLY cover all the bases. We also cannot predict everything that might be a trigger or hurt the survivor. That doesn't mean we don't care and it doesn't mean we don't try. I just relate this to the whole Oprah thing a lot.


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#343227 - 10/27/10 06:16 AM Re: Oprah [Re: hopeandtry]
NavalStation41 Offline


Registered: 10/01/10
Posts: 5
Loc: Massachusetts
Being a survivor myself i will share my thoughts about Oprah she is without any doubt an amazing woman , i always loved and respected her however i will only say this without saying to much or giving it away, i had a personal experience with her and i walked away with such a deep respect for her that to this day it bothers me when people say things about her...hope4him i too relate to the entire Oprah , i call it magic - i will miss her so much when her season ends this year, she's an icon that no one will ever be able to emulate.


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#343278 - 10/27/10 01:08 PM Re: Oprah [Re: NavalStation41]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 821
Loc: Ohio
One point in reading hope4hims comments. I get it and you have a valid point. But you stated as someone who is not a survivor helping someone who is and you get attacked how you feel. But Oprah is a survivor. She has been very open about her own csa. She has been moving in the direction of addressing csa of males after some criticism. My only criticism was her treatment of shawn hornbeck (agreeing not to ask if sh was sa, then asking anyway and putting Bill OReilly on trumpeting his crusade against pedos but won't apologize about his sh liked it comments).

_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

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#343283 - 10/27/10 01:26 PM Re: Oprah [Re: catfish86]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
hope4him,

I agree with you about not being able to cover all of the bases. As a survivor with my other survivor brothers, I do NOT and am NOT able to cover all of the bases.

I also wanted to say that "comparing" Oprah's tv show and the mistakes that were made are NOT the same as what your ex was saying. I can only image as I am NOT him - I was once married and have loving friends today who want to help me - the criticism about "recovery" and getting help is very individual. Taking his criticism as criticism is NOT for you to own. He needs to be able heal on his own terms as well as you for being there for him.

Give yourself lots of hugs for being there with him.

Donnie

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#343285 - 10/27/10 01:30 PM Re: Oprah [Re: catfish86]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
hope4him, that is why I think it's really helpful to have a group of men to talk and share simular experiences. It's a burden for you to be the listener for everything, and yes, I totally get how you might not "get it", :-) .. In fact, I hope you don't, since I know why you might.

When I disclose, I want people to respond honestly where ever they are at. Even if they are kind of clueless, rather than say nothing or change the suject to something more comfortable.

Has he looked for a men's group to talk in? Or open to it?

The Oprah show experience (I went) was great for me. I just can live with the limitations of a entertainment/talk show/business format because they are making reasonable choices in all that.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#343289 - 10/27/10 02:17 PM Re: Oprah [Re: LandOfShadow]
hopeandtry Offline


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 476
When I said that about people who are not survivors, I don't mean Oprah specifically. I'm talking about all the people who work for her (producers, etc) and how they cannot be expected to cover all the bases or respond to survivors in the way survivors need...it's just impossible (as I cannot always understand exactly what my ex needs). I, of course, understand that the Oprah "issues" may be triggers for survivors. My point is just that sometimes supporters (or anyone who might not technically be a "supporter" or loved one) don't always know what things might trigger a survivor. This being said, I am not at all saying the complaints or concerns aren't valid, just that I feel the positive should be focused on too...that the show is happening to begin with is a big deal. I hope my ex sees it or hears about it and watches it. Or that other victims see it...even if not everything about the show is done perfectly. Anyway, I don't want to sound too negative. I am a huge "fan" of all the guys on here for their bravery and willingness to get help and help ME as a supporter. This is a great site and has been a lifesaver for me.


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#343301 - 10/27/10 04:02 PM Re: Oprah [Re: hopeandtry]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
hope4him,

I must admit I was hesitant to interact with family members of survivors when I first came here. It had nothing to do with them but my own issues and I readily see that now. Since then I have let my defenses down some and gotten to know a few here in chat. I have also read things written on this forum.

Over the last year and a half I have seen why I was hesitant. I really did not wish to see things from the perspective that partners of survivors have. I had to do some deep soul searching and look at how I have damaged relationships and walked away from some wonderful people. I have also done an excellent job of running off some as well. I wish I had come here a few years earlier. Maybe I would not have lost the best relationship that I had ever had in my life.

I appreciate those of you who love a survivor and attempt to help them. I have learned a lot by reading the posts on this forum. A lot about myself.


Daryl

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#343319 - 10/27/10 07:35 PM Re: Oprah [Re: prisonerID]
hopeandtry Offline


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 476
Thanks Daryl. I won't lie...it means a lot to be appreciated. Not so much for my own sake, but because I believe survivors would be happier if they were able to let people in their lives love them. Of course, I know this is a huge battle and I won't be unrealistic, but it breaks my heart to see someone I love be lonely and miserable when it doesn't have to be that way.


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#343320 - 10/27/10 07:37 PM Re: Oprah [Re: hopeandtry]
hopeandtry Offline


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 476
Oh and, ideally, I think it would be great if there was a forum solely for supporters/loved ones. Not that survivors wouldn't be able to join such a forum, but having a separate one would keep it less "in your face." I worry about posting things that could be triggering, etc. I worry about being in the chat room (being female). The forum within this site is great, but I hope one day there will be a support group/organization for supporters.


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