Newest Members
kk90, Austintexan, Cancan, LS, PaulnMA
12256 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
closerthenveins (26), Nvolpicelli (24), Sven (19)
Who's Online
1 registered (1 invisible), 41 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12256 Members
73 Forums
63116 Topics
441388 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#342960 - 10/24/10 04:17 PM I may get flamed, but this needs to be said....
Anomalous Offline
Greeter Coordinator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 1339
There are too many posts for me to remember who did and who did not attend the Oprah show.

I am not trying to invalidate anyone's feelings. While I sympathize with those who were not contacted, even to let them know the Oprah show had received an overwhelming response and the 200 places were full, I find the focus on not getting a response .... well, troubling.

While it would be a nicety to have received a reply, shouldn't one of the issues about which to contact the producers be why the show ONLY focused on CSA, when adult males who are sexually abused are even more of an invisible group?

If anyone has the ability, and the inclination, to contact a producer, I would like them to know that they overlooked a very important facet of sexual abuse, and that is, males who are abused as adults. I searched for a contact link on the Oprah website but I could not find one, or else I would contact them regarding this issue.

I know what Oprah is attempting to do is ground breaking and for that, I am happy. If anyone can get people talking about issues, she can. But to have a group given no recognition of their existence is disheartening.

In the few articles on the Oprah website in which she asks things such as "Sexually Abused Men: Is Your Husband One of Them?" the article only focuses on abuse that took place up to the age of sixteen. Links on Google regarding the recent tapings only show the focus of the episode(s) to be on men and boys healing from Child Sexual Abuse.

Obviously every issue cannot be tackled, but to overlook an already ignored group sends the messages that either adult men are not abused or, that they are not worthy of consideration or services when abuse happens.

Instead of speaking on behalf of those who were not contacted to go on the show, how about speaking on behalf of those who were not considered because the topic, CHILD sexual abuse, precluded any thought of their existence.

Just a thought.



Anomalous

_________________________
Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

Top
#342961 - 10/24/10 04:31 PM Re: I may get flamed, but this needs to be said.... [Re: Anomalous]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
OMG! You are right!

I have resisted the calls to contact my producer for those of those who feel slighted, but this is a different issue.

I think they talk about this even less than CSA.

I will send an email to my producer. No guarantees. And I will tell you why..... Because it's bad enough that CSA on males is ignored, but most people will believe it impossible for a fully grown male to experience it. And that is SO wrong!

I am sorry because ASA is not something on my front-burner. But it happens. You are just as deserving of being heard.

I won't flame you for this! I will embrace you for reminding me!

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

Top
#342963 - 10/24/10 04:39 PM Re: I may get flamed, but this needs to be said.... [Re: Tinman]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1277
Loc: kansas
won't get flamed by me.

i think you need to be heard/validated as much as the others do.

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

Top
#342964 - 10/24/10 04:40 PM Re: I may get flamed, but this needs to be said.... [Re: Tinman]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
I do wish the topic of adult victims could be addressed, too. My partner is an adult victim and I feel so bad that he can't get the exposure he would like.

But just because Oprah didn't talk about ASA this time does not mean you were "ignored." There are resources out there beyond Oprah, ya know. smile If there aren't as many as you'd like then take the initiative! smile

Off topic: Can I ask why we need so many subgroups? Are we not all just survivors and victims of abuse? What purpose does dividing our friends and allies into even more societal boxes serve?

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

Top
#342969 - 10/24/10 05:16 PM Re: I may get flamed, but this needs to be said.... [Re: AndyJB2005]
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
Anomalous,

When questions like yours come up there is a part of me that responds on a gut level that is quite emotional. And that I suppose is a good thing. But the response that I'm giving is not from that side of me, but from the logical side. I say this so that you will that I really do have feelings and I really do care.

Back in 1989 when I first saw a therapist, there was nothing that my therapist could find that pertained to men at all in the way of either CSA or ASA. Googling something was unheard of and I had to be settle for materials intended for women.

Thank God, things are different now! However the point you so eloquently bring up speaks loud and clear for the need of further change. I believe that in time ASA will be on the front burner; it will be dealt with. What we need to do now is the same thing that I and others did back in 1989. We complained to my T's and they went to her professional meetings and told of the need for materials for men that are survivors of CSA and in time those materials began to arrive on the seen. We need to do (and continue to do) just as have done here, and that is to voice our concerns and needs.

We also have something we didn't have in 1989, we have powerful organizations such as MS that can help us voice our needs for more materials for survivors of ASA.

Darrel

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

Top
#342972 - 10/24/10 05:25 PM Re: I may get flamed, but this needs to be said.... [Re: AndyJB2005]
Anomalous Offline
Greeter Coordinator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 1339
I plan on taking the initiative.

As for the "subgroups," they aren't meant to divide.

While we all share the unfortunate commonality of abuse, and while there may be many similarities, there are differences regarding some of the resulting traumas and other issues.

Just like there, in my opinion, shouldn't be the need for groups specific to affectional preferences, etc., the fact remains that members of various groups do have different experiences, and need to address those with peers with similar experiences.

As much as I can identify with those who have suffered the various abuses I have endured, I do not know what it is like to have been sexually abused at a younger age and how that would affect me. Nor can someone who was abused at an age earlier than that which I experienced know the complexities that come with having been abused at an older age.

I know what I am trying to say, the words just aren't coming forth as I intend.

There are differences and for that reason, there need to be groups in which those differences can be addressed.

Put a different perspective on it.... if this site was geared to only those abused as adults, would those abused as children feel they were included?

On sites geared towared women, do men feel included?

As much as it may seem to divide us by having sub-groups, at times it is necessary.

But if you look at the busiest forum, the Male Survivor forum, we come together as a group of guys trying to heal from what life threw at us. And if you come into chat, you can experience that in real-time.

Sorry this is so long-winded and rambling.

There may be smaller groups to address more specific needs, but we are still an allied group.



Anomalous

_________________________
Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

Top
#342975 - 10/24/10 05:41 PM Re: I may get flamed, but this needs to be said.... [Re: Anomalous]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Anomalous,

You write very well. I am not sure where I would fit as I have CSA and ASA issues. AND yes, we can only do what we can and not be divided.

NOT much to say but wanted to give my support.

A

_________________________
aka DJsport

Top
#342976 - 10/24/10 05:42 PM Re: I may get flamed, but this needs to be said.... [Re: Anomalous]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
Anomalous,

You found the right words that I was struggling to say as well about the the need for subgroups. And we stand as common ground...just different soil.

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

Top
#342998 - 10/24/10 10:48 PM Re: I may get flamed, but this needs to be said.... [Re: prisonerID]
justmejoey Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/08
Posts: 37
The deal is that people have problems thinking that an adult could suffer the same hand dealt to a child when it comes to abuse. I say that this happens often, in jail, military, even on the streets. It makes no difference if you are a child or a senior in retirement. I hate when lines are drawn to show what is and what isn't. if it has happened then you know it has and you suffer until you get help dealing with it. That makes us all the same doesn't it? Just my opinion.


Top
#343050 - 10/25/10 02:33 PM Re: I may get flamed, but this needs to be said.... [Re: justmejoey]
AngryA$$hole Offline


Registered: 10/17/10
Posts: 7
Had I known so many people wanted to be on Oprah, I would've given you my place.


Top
#343051 - 10/25/10 02:43 PM Re: I may get flamed, but this needs to be said.... [Re: AngryA$$hole]
AngryA$$hole Offline


Registered: 10/17/10
Posts: 7
I'm thinking I could've auctioned my spot on Ebay. Damn, I could've made some money.

Are you guys serious? Is this that important to you? It's a talk show, and in the end, your healing is paramount. Oprah is not going to get you there. YOU have to get yourself there.


Top
#343076 - 10/25/10 07:32 PM Re: I may get flamed, but this needs to be said.... [Re: AngryA$$hole]
Anomalous Offline
Greeter Coordinator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 1339
Hi Angry,

I think you have misinterpreted my words.

I never said I wanted to be on the Oprah show. I never responded to their requests for participants.

However, since Oprah has taken the initiative to do a show on male sexual abuse, I have been contemplating contacting the producers of that show to raise other issues.

I don't expect anyone to do the work of healing for me, nor have I intimated as much.

My desire is to bring more issues to light, and if it takes someone like Oprah, who can command a large viewing audience to bring those issues before the public, then I am not beyond utilizing such a resource.




Anomalous

_________________________
Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

Top
#343106 - 10/25/10 11:44 PM Re: I may get flamed, but this needs to be said.... [Re: Anomalous]
tartugas Offline
Board Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
Hi Anomalous,

First, allow me to say that I hear you. And I want to tell you that I think that there is no difference in the pain that you and I struggle with regardless of the fact that I was abused as a child, and you an adult.

There is no hierarchy of abuse. Those of us who have had our trust violated in any way bear scars that are instantly recognizable to one anther. I would like to think that if my being on the Oprah show brings light on the topic of male victims of abuse, that both of us can benefit from that.

I hope that you will not (and, indeed, it seems like you are not) allowing your disappointment or frustration to turn into rancor and bitterness. Please know that in standing up for survivors, I truly feel that I represented you, Obi, and all of those who were not in that studio, but deserved to be. If any of us want to be heard, or feel frustrated or slighted over any injustice, I hope that we can turn that anger into positive action. And that means more than contacting producers who, in my opinion went above and beyond to treat all survivors with respect. It means using this show, this time, this moment to speak up just a little louder and maybe ask for help or for more resources in their community. The people to bring your frustrations to are not in Oprah's office, they are in your communities. And many of them are willing to listen.

Chris

_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

Top
#343215 - 10/26/10 11:24 PM Re: I may get flamed, but this needs to be said.... [Re: justmejoey]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
You're absolutely right that sexual assaults can occur against adult males. Think a few years back to those horrible photos of male Iraqi prisoners being abused in Abu Graib. I've even seen it occur at the homeless shelter where I work, where predatory clients have taken sexual advantage of vulnerable mentally ill people who stay there. Even though both are adults I call it sexual abuse since one person can consent and the other cannot because of their compromised mental state. Anyways I say all this because as survivors we should be in solidarity with each other in order to advocate for an end to sexual violence toward anyone, regardless of a person's age. JS

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


Top
#431787 - 04/19/13 05:58 PM Re: I may get flamed, but this needs to be said.... [Re: Anomalous]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 11:01 PM)

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.