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#342682 - 10/21/10 08:34 PM You went to Oprah? Read this!!!!
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
I was honored to participate in Oprah's show about male survivors of sexual abuse. I wanted these shows to empower survivors.

Then I was looking at her site, and I saw this: "Tune in on November 5, 2010, when Tyler returns to help 200 abused men"

Tyler Perry has NO qualifications to "help" abused men any more than just being a survivor! He is no different than you or I. And to me, this implies that I need "help" because I was one of the 200. And if he was there to help, I challenge anyone that went to tell me how helped them personally!

I PAID for help (therapy) that I guarantee you Tyler Perry could NEVER do! The implication of this promotion makes us all sound desperate and lost and in need of Tyler. And that, somehow, he is qualified to provide this "help." Not only a joke, but an insult. It's an insult to all the work I did to facilitate my own recovery.

The very idea that I went on the show for help is offensive. I went there to promote public awareness of these despicable acts. Not to be held up as a helpless individual dealing with it.

Here is the link: http://www.oprah.com/showinfo/First-TV-Interview-Tyler-Perry-Speaks-Out-About-Being-Molested_1

I am not going to let this go!

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#342688 - 10/21/10 10:12 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Tinman]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 848
Loc: Kc,Mo
that is funny you mentioned this because i to saw this myself and told my wife that i thought that this was bullshit . if you noticed at the end of the Tyler Perry taping she says the same thing i just missed it . i watched it last night and she stated the same line about Tyler perry would be back in a week to help 200 sensually abused men . i think i will be contacting the producer that called me . i think the same way you are thinking

i showed up to promote the awareness of it all and to be there to show others that they are not alone . not to receive help from Tyler Perry

_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#342689 - 10/21/10 10:30 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: nltsaved]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 848
Loc: Kc,Mo
i was on the Oprah website and came across this

"Tune in on November 5, 2010, when Tyler returns to help 200 abused men'

i came to the show to show others that they are not alone and to show others they no longer have to live in shame that they can beat this . With this kind of spin it defeats the whole purpose . i was not there because i was in need of help from Tyler i was there for awareness of the issue to be heard as a survivor not some charity case .

i am thankful for the opportunity and it was a great show but with this kind of spin i think is a bad idea and i have spoken to others that attended and they are not happy either i do not think this will be the last email the Oprah show will get .

like i said i am thankful for the opportunity and this show will change the world but i would like to see this promoted the right way and to state Tyler was there to help all of us that attended is jacked up. he did give good insight and good input but he was one of us and to be treated otherwise is an injustice. i hope by the time full promotion of this show gets underway you guys would consider promoting it for what it was .

thank you and God bless

Nathan Tice


i just sent this to the 2 people that contacted me from the show
i think every one who attended this should speak out before they start full promotion

great post tin man i was sitting here tripping out over this my wife even thought it was jacked

_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#342690 - 10/21/10 10:44 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: nltsaved]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 848
Loc: Kc,Mo
National Talk Show Looking for Male Survivors


A national talk show is looking for male survivors of childhood sexual assault and molestation to be audience members. This show aims to increase awareness about male survivors of sexual abuse.

If you are interested in potentially being an audience member, please fill out and submit this form to the best of your ability.

Thank you for your time and your willingness to help others understand and recover from sexual abuse.


this was on the rain website it does not say Tyler Perry to help others

i put please please to not promote this show as if we where there because we needed help we where there to help others

ooooooooooo i am so burning right now


"Thank you for your time and your willingness to help others understand and recover from sexual abuse."

this was at the bottom of the rainn website also ahhhhhhggggg






Edited by nltsaved (10/24/10 01:33 AM)
_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#342693 - 10/21/10 11:16 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: nltsaved]
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
I wrote the the two producers I worked with. We'll see.


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#342695 - 10/21/10 11:51 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Curtis St. John]
youthfulheart62 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/19/07
Posts: 93
Loc: New Jersey(exit3)
I do not even know this guy.. Like most I was there to promote awareness...I am a survivor and I have survived. But the hope is that other men will reach out. This show will promote awareness and lets keep that in mind.


Julian


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#342696 - 10/21/10 11:54 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Curtis St. John]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
I agree this is inaccurate and misleading. I suggest we don't get too adversarial right away, but clearly state a group consensus and what would make us happy and why. I'd like to allow them the possibility to make honest mistakes and correct them. A simple prompt update of the site would be fine to say, what?

"Tune in on November 5, 2010, when Tyler returns to add his voice to 200 other abused men."

I feel very "heard" and "listened to" by my producer, though I expect it may be his first contact with this issue and community. There are bound to be little mistakes to be corrected before they become big mistakes.

The problem I see here is it gives the impression that our problems are something so simple that Tyler's words are a big help. Bingo, problem solved. It trivializes what survivors are up against. It's misleading.



Edited by LandOfShadow (10/22/10 12:05 AM)
Edit Reason: additional remarks
_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#342697 - 10/22/10 12:08 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: LandOfShadow]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 848
Loc: Kc,Mo
"Tune in on November 5, 2010, when Tyler returns to add his voice to 200 other abused men."

PERFECT

_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#342700 - 10/22/10 12:32 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: nltsaved]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Thanks. Like Tyler did more than my therapist has done in 6 years... right.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

Top
#342702 - 10/22/10 12:37 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: nltsaved]
Silly Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/10
Posts: 140
Loc: Virginia
.



Edited by Silly (10/25/10 09:41 AM)
_________________________
http://esdgc.com/links/shaneCSA.html

http://seriouslysilly67.blogspot.com/

The Round Table, Men's Sexual Abuse Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#342704 - 10/22/10 12:43 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Silly]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6867
Loc: USA
Guys,

Listen!

I watched the Tyler Perry portion. It was so positive and so helpful! He's a resource to us and not a stumbling block. He went through stuff like we all did. He understands us and can be a spokesman. That is COOL. It is not a negative. He will not put us down or make us look bad. He will undoubtedly be a positive influence.

Please don't take it as a negative.

Allen

pufferfish whistle


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#342707 - 10/22/10 01:04 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: pufferfish]
cpt. confusion Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/04
Posts: 159
Loc: midwest
I think I have to agree with Allen- maybe had I attended, I might feel different, as I don't know what Tyler actually added to the discussion- BUT - remember, the people at the Oprah show are selling an audience. It is their job to promote the show for ratings- which in this case is a positive thing because it is spreading a very important message.

consider the fact that Tyler is helping simply because he has provided a platform. The general public doesnt care about the average Joe. People are obsessed with celebrity, and so Tyler has helped by providing a platform for a larger audience to these 200 men in the audience- and to those men in the audience who may further the platform by speaking out about their own struggles. If this topic was covered on Maury, or Montell, or any of the other terrible talk shows out there it would just be a single show that goes unheard- doing it this way creates an event around this topic. Makes it impossible to go unheard.

THose at the Oprah show are experts in mass communication. They know that in order for a message to really resound, it has to follow a strategic path, and I applaud the way this is being handled. The fact that shes done 2 shows in one week already on male sexual abuse is unheard of, and to leverage the attention those shows have already received to catapult the message that will be delivered on November 5 is simply good marketing.

I know Tyler did not directly help any one of you in the audience, and he is no expert on the healing of any of us. He is helping by speaking out though, and leading the charge to let people know that its ok to talk about it... just my 2 cents, hope it provides another perspective.

-cpt.

_________________________
"Look at every path closely and deliberately, then ask ourselves this crucial question: Does this path have a heart? If it does, then the path is good. If it doesn't, it is of no use."
-Carlos Castaneda

*WoR Alum
Sequoia I-March '11
Alta II, September '11

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#342709 - 10/22/10 01:22 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: cpt. confusion]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
I absolutely agree Tyler's interview was very well done. I loved a lot of what and how he said it. But that's not my point. If he's no expert on healing, why suggest he "helped us"?

It undermines the whole premise this issue is worthy of so much focus.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

Top
#342710 - 10/22/10 02:18 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: LandOfShadow]
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
I sent a note to my producers at 11pm and got this reply at 2am:
Quote:
I've not seen the promotion on oprah.com until you just sent the link. Your point is valid and very appreciated. The last thing we want to do is paint the show with an incorrect de>

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#342714 - 10/22/10 03:24 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Silly]
john38 Offline


Registered: 10/21/10
Posts: 90
Loc: Pasadena CA
I'm with all of you. I was at the show too, and my new friend and I had quite a conversation about how we wished that there had been more time made for "solution" talk from those of us who were in attendance. While I like Tyler Perry and admire his courage in speaking out, he's still quite new to recovery. He appears to be in his "rosy glasses" phase (the point where it feels great cuz you finally dropped some of the shame load and allowed some comforting support to come in). For me, the same occurred when I visited my first support group meeting 16 years ago. That visit in turn made it safe or laid the groundwork for more memories and feelings to emerge, and it's taken me almost 16 years to get to the point where I don't run from any of the feelings any more and give constant, unconditional support to my inner kid. I think I'll drop a line to the producers too. Participating in the show was an honor and I recognize they didn't have the time to really look at everything recovery requires of a person. I believe the show will make it safer for other survivors to seek help. But, yah, "Tyler helps others"--give me a break. He still thinks his body betrayed him--it was his father and mother that betrayed and abandoned him.

John+

_________________________
Just for today I will treat myself with respect, compassion and acceptance.

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#342720 - 10/22/10 07:52 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: john38]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
I waited until this morning to write the show. Because had I done so with the anger and betrayal I felt yesterday, it would certainly not have been helpful.

I have requested that the quote be changed to reflect what REALLY happened. That we came there, not for help, but to publicize this issue to a wide audience. So that I could, in my small way, reach out and help another man out there who lives in the fear and shame. I did not go there for help.

I have requested an response and will post it here if I get one.

I have one thing to say to all of us who appeared. Whatever they do, remember that we went there as men of courage and determination to break the silence publically. We didn't go there for help, we went to help break the public silence. You all should be proud of your courage and intent. No one can take that from us!

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#342723 - 10/22/10 09:26 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Tinman]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
I have received the following response:

"You are absolutely right and I thank you for not only bringing this to our attention, but for expressing your concern so passionately. Fact is, you are not the only one who feels this way and we are working hard to change it right away. Oprah and Tyler agree that the language doesn't accurately reflect what really happened and the true spirit and intention of the historic event. Changes are happening as we speak."

Good. Now let's see how it changes.

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#342725 - 10/22/10 09:28 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Tinman]
Donald D'Haene Offline
Member

Registered: 04/11/04
Posts: 68
Loc: London
Now how awesome and respectful is that! Thanks for letting us know!

_________________________
Donald D'Haene
http://www.fatherstouch.com

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#342730 - 10/22/10 10:05 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Donald D'Haene]
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
And this is what I got:

Quote:
Your voices have been heard loud and clear (several guys contacted me). This oversight is being corrected first thing this morning -- as soon as the web staff arrives. Sincere apologies and sincere thanks for bringing that to our attention.

And you can be sure the rest of the content will be scrutinized by yhe team.



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#342732 - 10/22/10 10:06 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Curtis St. John]
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
And this is what the website says now:

Quote:
Tune in on November 5, 2010, when Tyler and 200 abused men are standing together with one voice.



Although I guess it should read "...and 200 men stand together with one voice. But I'm not gonna push that one. sigh.


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#342739 - 10/22/10 10:38 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Curtis St. John]
Wardpoet Offline


Registered: 10/22/10
Posts: 43
Loc: Maryland
It is hard for me to not criticize because I am hypersensitive. I have benn working on me therapy in 97 and now back in therapy now. We wre refered to as men who say they were abused by a pedophile I felt like she could have just said that we were abused. I guess that I am looking to hard at the way it was spoken rather than just taking the context appropriatly. Her intentions are good and pure we all saw some tears.


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#342744 - 10/22/10 10:52 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Tinman]
Wardpoet Offline


Registered: 10/22/10
Posts: 43
Loc: Maryland
I feel like going to the show did help me by giving me validation and Tyler helped to make this possible by being on the show.I do not believe any of their intentions are amiss and this is just the beginning for many people including Tyler and Oprah in trying to address these issues.


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#342745 - 10/22/10 10:54 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Wardpoet]
Wardpoet Offline


Registered: 10/22/10
Posts: 43
Loc: Maryland
Sorry about the typo errors and misspelling have not found spellcheck yet still looking for it


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#342746 - 10/22/10 10:54 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Wardpoet]
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
I sent a thank you to my producer and he replied with something you all should see:

Quote:
The lead editor of the website offered huge apologies and was embarrassed that those words made it onto the site without the approval of the team. She guarantees that it won't happen again -- and the executive producer of the show has also insisted upon it. Our entire team -- including oprah.com -- has worked hard to honor these 200 men and we're not going to do anything to betray that trust. I'm not minimizing the poor wording you found on the website, but good that it happened now in one promo sentence. It reinforces the magnitude of our responsibility when editing the final show and preparing the website. Our goal is to continue to make you all proud for being a part of this experience.



I'm glad they really responded I was a little worried.

cheers!


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#342747 - 10/22/10 10:57 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Curtis St. John]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
Well, dear Oprah, this is another example of survivors who have broken the silence! We speak out now! Thanks to all who contacted the show to get this corrected. I also do not believe that it was intentionally done to minimize what we did.

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#342749 - 10/22/10 11:01 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Tinman]
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1331
Loc: kansas
ya know, it upsets me that you guys who did get to go, who were invited, are getting upset over something like that when there are those of us who got treated like completet rejects that didn't get no email, no phone call no nothing to at least let us know that they filled the spots...

sorry, but it angers me that after making several attempts to at least be acknowledged was left with NOTHING!....

you guys got to go... be thankful for that!

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#342756 - 10/22/10 11:42 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Obi]
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1331
Loc: kansas
how about sending out emails from you guys to the producers for them to send out emails to those of us who were rejected and never notified at all whatsoever?

that's what i want. i want an email from the producer acknowledging me that thanks for sending in my emails and phone calls but sorry that the slots have been filled...

if you can make it so that the verbage was changed how about taking it a step farther and helping those of us who got rejected and feel like we're not "good enough" or "worthless" by sending in your emails to the producer to let them know that a little courtesy on their part goes a long way...

that is a huge issue with a lot of us survivors is being acknowledged for what we've been through and to be rejected like that does a disservice to us...



Edited by Obi (10/22/10 11:43 AM)
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#342758 - 10/22/10 11:53 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Wardpoet]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
That was fast even by on-line standards, lol.

Perhaps this is kind of a "teachable moment". I know some of you are skeptical, distrustful, fearful about the results of this Oprah experience and resulting show.

But I feel very "heard" and respected by all that I've seen in participating in this. Trust of others, especially authority, can be very difficult or even absent and unknown entirely in survivor's lives. As I see it though, these people, this production are entirely worthy of that trust.

In learning to trust, I first came to realize, I've never trusted at all. I realized I didn't know what trust was, because I never felt safe growing up. Every adult was potentially harmful to me, and I never let down my guard. My parents were very unpredictable and frequently completely oblivious to even physical, sexual abuses.

MUCH later in recovery, I trusted a bit but the slightest error by someone would completely undo that trust, even after a year of "trustworthiness", and I'd be deeply, silently suspicious for a month or more. Usually, I didn't say anything about being hurt because I couldn't believe anyone was safe. This isn't trust either.

I've learned people you trust WILL do things that hurt you. People make mistakes. But you have to clearly tell them, and the response to that is what matters. Some people will give you their full attention and want to know what they can do to correct the hurtful action. Tell them that too, don't retreat for self protection. Give them the chance to restore trust.

No matter what they do, I'm safe now. I withdraw trust from people who repeatedly hurt me and don't care. I didn't learn that as a kid, repeatedly trusting my parents and getting hurt over and over. Learning to DIStrust untrustworthy people has been really important to me as well.

I'm going to be blunt now. Own up to your own issues here around trust. You're not a little kid any more. You can take care of yourself now and not be vulnerable to being victimized all the time. Constant mistrust is self fullfilling when you don't recognize there are people around you who want to help you. Help them to help you!!! They're not mind readers or miracle workers. They just have issues and problems too, but they're not evil SOB's. And of course, correctly recognize and protect yourself from the ones who ARE evil SOB's. But they are fairly rare.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#342762 - 10/22/10 12:20 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: LandOfShadow]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
Originally Posted By: LandOfShadow
I've learned people you trust WILL do things that hurt you. People make mistakes. But you have to clearly tell them, and the response to that is what matters. Some people will give you their full attention and want to know what they can do to correct the hurtful action. Tell them that too, don't retreat for self protection. Give them the chance to restore trust.


Very good, Land. I think this is just what we did by contacting them about this issue. I responded to my producer that I was grateful that they heard us, understood the matter, and took corrective action. Trust was fully restored and actually my respect for them was raised by their acknowledgment of a mistake. They could have ignored us.

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#342763 - 10/22/10 12:27 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Curtis St. John]
youthfulheart62 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/19/07
Posts: 93
Loc: New Jersey(exit3)
Thanks.


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#342766 - 10/22/10 12:46 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: youthfulheart62]
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1331
Loc: kansas
they did ignore some of us...

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#342767 - 10/22/10 12:51 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Obi]
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1331
Loc: kansas
so how about it guys?

are you going to stick up for us that were rejected by their producers? ignored by their producers? and email them to let them know that we deserve to be at least acknowledged for attempting to be willing to put our stories out there too?

or are you guys going to reject us too and only help those who got to go?

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#342769 - 10/22/10 01:22 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Obi]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Obi, I'm going to be real straight with you. Don't do this to yourself. You're making this all about you being a victim again. There's ample evidence that isn't what's going on.

I understand your feelings of victimization and I of course share with you part of how you come by them. But the people who haven't responded to you or contacted you are just super busy, doing the best they can and under pressure to meet hard deadlines. The show must go on. This is a much bigger show than they usually deal with.

They, and I, aren't rejecting you. You are really choosing to see it that way, and making yourself feel bad as a result. Don't do that to yourself.

I've spent all morning on a dozen e-mails about this show, you know? I have to accomplish other things. I hope you can hear this and not feel more rejection.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#342772 - 10/22/10 01:58 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: LandOfShadow]
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1331
Loc: kansas
land,

if i went to the show and saw another user, like myself posting the issues i have, you better believe i would've wrote an email to the producers to help out my fellow survivors that didn't get any acknowledgement whatsoever...

the time you took to reply to my post you could've helped us by writing the producers instead to let them know that they could've sent out a bulk form email to let us know they've acknowledged us.

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#342773 - 10/22/10 02:11 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: LandOfShadow]
tartugas Offline
Board Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
Hi all,

I felt it important to chime in. First off, thank you Curtis for stepping in and getting a response from the show staff.

I can say without equivocation that everything I experienced in Chicago and since then leads me to believe and fully trust in the sincerity and compassion of everyone affiliated with the show. This was a show that did not have to happen, but it was because of the extraordinary efforts of dozens of people from Oprah on down to every member of the support crew that it did. For that reason alone, Oprah and her entire staff are due our thanks.

It is always easy to look back and find things to do differently the next time. So long as we approach these issues with an earnest desire to continue to make things better we are building community, and that is important. When we allow bitterness, mistrust, and anger to creep in and undermine the good-faith efforts of people who have only intended to honor and respect us, we can unintentionally drive people away that we need in order to continue working to being hope and healing to all of the men who need it.

I sincerely hear and honor the fears and anger that my brothers have spoken of here. But I also feel it is important to repeat that, at least for me, there was not one single person I met in Chicago who was anything other than polite, compassionate, and sincerely dedicated to making this show a powerful tribute to our stories as well as a launching point for getting out the truth that we CAN heal.

Chris





Edited by tartugas (10/22/10 02:32 PM)
_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

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#342775 - 10/22/10 02:32 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Obi]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Originally Posted By: Obi
the time you took to reply to my post you could've helped us by writing the producers instead to let them know that they could've sent out a bulk form email to let us know they've acknowledged us.


Certainly. But Obi my friend, you can (learn to) do that for yourself much of the time, and then, you carry that with you everywhere. That is SO much more valuable. That would help you forever. Not just this one time. And that's what I want for you.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#342776 - 10/22/10 02:57 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: LandOfShadow]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 728
Loc: NJ
The wonders of Oprah....Lets be honest here...while the word will get out because of it...Its television and they do it for a reason.

While you were sending all those emails instead of working could you not have added a quick not to the producers about some of the men here who felt they werent heard?

And while they were all lovely people who genuinly had all of you 200 in mind and blah blah blah in Chicago...what about 2 of our brothers here that are hurting because those wonderful heartfelt producers didnt have time to send a bulk email out to poele and say thanks for offering your story but we have everything we need?

SO before you are so quick to tell Todd (whether I agree or not) the life lesson your trying to give him..comsider who will be here everyday Todd..USMC97 or some producer.

WHile I certainly dont get along with everybody I try to be respectfull of the poeple who are part of our community here...on a daily basis.

So thanks Oprah!

_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#342778 - 10/22/10 03:04 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: LandOfShadow]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3368
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Obi,

I just wanted to say that you are certainly "heard"

I myself was one of the ones who had to fight to be on the show (it took multiple contacts through numerous sites and persons to get there - and even then I had to drive myself there or they would not have been able to have me come)

Please don't dump this huge bucket of rejection on yourself - you totaly don't deserve it

I can't speak for the Oprah show - I won't even try to - I can only speak of my own experience and how I saw things - what i saw - what I understand - is that with 10,000+ applications they where indeed totaly overwhelmed - they really did'nt know that so many would speak out (they seriosly did'nt even know if they could get 200 going into this) - many many guys fell through the cracks - they just could'nt handle 10,000+ - it's not an excuse - it's just facts - sure I think that they owe every single one of the persons who was not there an email - but sadly I also understand that it won't happen - their crew is busy with the next show - and the next one after that - just know that it was nothing personal - it really was'nt

I wish all 10,000+ of us could have been there - that would have been the ultimate statement of strength - and... perhaps... in the future... that exact statement will be made - this show is not the end - this is not an issue that will be pushed into the darkness anymore - this is the start of something that will bring more help for all that have been abused

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#342779 - 10/22/10 03:18 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: TJ jeff]
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1331
Loc: kansas
tj,

i appreciate it.. and i understand...

i agree that this is a good thing.. i agree that they are busy and so on...

i also agree that the way they originally posted the promos was not good and i'm glad that you guys were able to change it...

what i don't agree with is that you guys got all upset, SENT EMAILS voicing your displeasure about it, they heard you guys immediately and acted on it immediately but you guys won't extend the same courtesy to those of us they aren't even acknowledging.

they obviously listened to you guys and your emails.. so, how about taking two seconds of your time and email them about the rest of us that they aren't listening to?

i would write yet ANOTHER, and i have written several already, emails if i knew i would be heard. however, i'm not getting any replies at all. apparently you guys are.. that's why i'm practically begging you guys to write to the producers for the nearly 10,000 of us that didn't get heard at all...

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#342780 - 10/22/10 03:20 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: TJ jeff]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
I have remained pretty silent about this line of questioning why we aren't contacting the producers on behalf of those not selected because I have realized that no answer I give will satisfy someone who is falling into the victim trap repeatedly over this.

TJ Jeff's fourth paragraph is probably the best explanation you will get and one I could not have written as well.

But I am really beginning to resent one thing here: Quit trying to lay a guilt trip on me by acting like I don't care because I won't harangue the producer about how they handled those not selected. I care about each and every one of you. I just don't agree that we should contact the show about it. You are free to do so yourself. Here is a link: https://www.oprah.com/ownshow/plug_form.html?plug_id=220

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#342781 - 10/22/10 03:27 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Tinman]
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1331
Loc: kansas
tinman,

you are right... and i apologize for making anyone feel guilty...

i'm done... later.

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#342783 - 10/22/10 03:32 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: TJ jeff]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Seriously? A Harpo employee said 10,000+ men who (in email) said, put me on camera as sexually abused?

Wow. Proportionally that would be about 100 from the urban area of 2 million I live in. They told me Harpo has about 300 employees roughly. They spent an hour on the phone with me, very surprising.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#342785 - 10/22/10 03:42 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Tinman]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 728
Loc: NJ
I dont understand at the same time that they updated the site...if you added a line that read" BTW some of our brothers have felt they have not been heard and feel like they fell through the crack...could you maybe add a line that says "we certainly appreciate all those that told their stories...its just not possible to get back to everybody individually...but thanks for getting in touch with us"

took them all but a half a morning to change the wording on the promo...it could have just been as easy to add that extra line thanking those brave people who didnt get a response from the show.


Is that = to Harangue?....Noun: A lengthy and aggressive speech.
Verb: Lecture (someone) at length in an aggressive and critical manner

I suspect in the coming weeks this will not get better but worse...and we shall see how they edit it.

I have no horse in this race...Ill go back to chat, but its sad really.

edited to add...if the 10,000 you site (by email) is true...then they could have bulk emailed 10,000 men thanking them for their effort.




Edited by Castle (10/22/10 03:46 PM)
_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#342806 - 10/22/10 07:52 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Tinman]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
I too saw that when I was looking at their website yesterday after work. Made me cringe but did not have the time to take it on at the time. That certainly was not why I was there.

Thanks to you guys who contacted the show, and even more thanks for doing it as non-confrontational as possible. Your approach was just right. You were heard beyond expectation! smile

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#342839 - 10/23/10 01:12 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: WalkingSouth]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3368
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Obi,

my appologies to you (and all of the other guys who where not able to be there) - I should have explained more directly that I DID indeed talk to some of the people there at the show while I was there - that is where I was told of how overwhelmed they where

(and just so you know... - I have not been in contact with anyone there since the show as I know how busy they are putting on other daily shows)

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#342844 - 10/23/10 07:12 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: TJ jeff]
Wardpoet Offline


Registered: 10/22/10
Posts: 43
Loc: Maryland
They could have done better we all learn from our mistakes. I am just thankful for the silence needs to be broken and the Harpo group are helping this along. Tens of thousands does not mean they interviewed all. I know that I am very hypersensitive so I can be overcritical sometimes. Our day as survivors is not coming our day has arrived embrace what you can and know that you deserve the best.


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#342850 - 10/23/10 09:15 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Wardpoet]
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1331
Loc: kansas
tj,

appreciate it...

i just want to make the point that as survivors, most of us if not all, were basically told, led to believe etc, that we were to keep our mouths shut, not to say anything, be quiet, no one would listen to us anyway and so on...

all any of us want is to be heard...

it doesn't matter to me whether i was selected or not....

what does matter to me is that i was heard... i'm standing up for all of us that didn't get heard... as in, we did not get any reply at all to any of the emails we sent in, phone calls we may have made and so on...

bulk email would've taken a few minutes... a simple form letter emailed would've have been enough for me to realize that at least i was heard....

but to not get anything at all made it feel like our voices weren't heard. that basically we were getting ignored... that we should just keep quiet....

that is my point.. i'm sticking up for all of us that didn't get our voices heard....


i'm glad that this show(s) is happening. i'm glad that many of you got to go. i'm glad you were able to email the producers and they listened to your voice in getting the promos changed...

is it too much to ask for some courtesy from them for the same? is it too much to ask for a simple bulk email that only takes a few minutes to do at the most? they listened to your emails about the promos and made the changes and emailed back... they have the time to do a bulk email....

todd

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#342852 - 10/23/10 10:36 AM Blank [Re: Obi]
steveb121 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/02/01
Posts: 157
Loc: Swindon, UK




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#342853 - 10/23/10 10:39 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Obi]
Wardpoet Offline


Registered: 10/22/10
Posts: 43
Loc: Maryland
I am sorry you and many people were slighted. I was silent for about 35 years. The only reason I started talking about my CSA was it was consuming me I was going to explode.Therapy in 97 helped some went for a year. I just started again a few months ago. I spent so long not wanting to hear, so long unable to speak of my being raped. I did not contact Harpo to go to the show. Back in March they had 3 shows I could not watch the first two the third show I saw and responded to telling them I thought it was the most important show they had ever done and telling them in a email what happened to me.I did this at the library crying the whole time I wrote. They got back to me. Yes the validation was healing to get a reply. Sorry everyone did not get that.


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#342859 - 10/23/10 11:46 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Obi]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Originally Posted By: Obi

all any of us want is to be heard...

it doesn't matter to me whether i was selected or not....


I really wanted to look into the camera and say

"But this ISN'T "MY STORY". This is the story of millions of men, and men each of you know. Every one of you watching this show, let them speak."

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#342878 - 10/23/10 02:24 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: LandOfShadow]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
The show was a good thing. BUT lets not forget those of us who have spoken YET.

Some here have reached higher levels of perceived enlightened by being able to tell your story even if you were NOT actually seen on the screen.

TV has notoriety and a sense of fame and accomplishment much like a WoR but this can be viewed in a much larger scale.

We can embrace each other and grow in unity now that the show is over for now.

Donnie

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#342884 - 10/23/10 04:19 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Avery46]
Nony Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/25/07
Posts: 9
After all the work and contributions the Male Survivor organization and members of this community put into the Oprah show why is there not a link to the MS website- as a resource and place for Survivors to get help-- on the Oprah website page? I'm not familiar with the Oprah website so I may be mistaken but the only link I see --way down towards the end of the page is a link to RAINN:
"•If you or someone you love has experienced sexual abuse, get help from the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network at RAINN.org"

In the sidebar next to that there also is nothing from any of the many therapists who attend WORs and/or are experts in the field of male sexual abuse.

http://www.oprah.com/showinfo/First-TV-Interview-Tyler-Perry-Speaks-Out-About-Being-Molested_1

Are there links or referrals to Male Survivor in other places that I'm missing? If not, why not??????

Nony


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#342932 - 10/24/10 10:42 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Nony]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
My wish-

That this will spark a wider awakening and many more than the 10,000 men who contacted Oprah will reach out, speak out, and find healing.

I hope MaleSurvivor is ready to meet this-I don't know how much website traffic we've received lately-but having a link on Oprah's website and RAIN's, as well as men on November 5th mention malesurvivor.org will help.

I was staffing a Mankind Project weekend when this conversation began. One of the most powerful statements I heard fits well in regards to reaching out to those that need us. Iit was this:

"the ocean is so big, and my boat is so small."

Start rowing.



Edited by Mountainous Buck (10/25/10 06:06 PM)
_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

“It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#342936 - 10/24/10 11:21 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Mountainous Buck]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
It's not enough for some people that Oprah's using her million-dollar airtime, 100s of employee hours and thousand-dollar promos/airtime to promote the plight of male abuse victims, but now they're and evil wrong for not sending out apology letters to each and every person who didn't get a chance to go on?

We will be lucky if they don't just pull the whole episode after they get 1000s of letters basically saying "screw you" after all they HAVE done for male survivors.

I know if it was my show I just might!

Not everybody in this world gets a trophy, ya know, and I think we may just be shooting ourselves in the foot here with our ungratefulness.

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#342952 - 10/24/10 03:20 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: AndyJB2005]
kevinkr Offline


Registered: 10/20/10
Posts: 25
I was on the show, and personally was disappointed that the "Q and A" session was so short. It seemed to be all about Tyler Perry, the "doctor" they had (who seemed to repeat himself over and over), and a handful of survivors. And a couple of well, dare I say, "nut cases" they allowed to speak. Being a victim of an Episcopal Priest, I would have loved to be able to SAY that, just 5 seconds, and help bring out other Episcopal victims. But, it was interesting and hopefully will lead to more exposure for all types of victims, not just the handful they put on the stage. They could have done a better job "covering the spectrum" of different types of abuse. Again, let's hope it leads to more coverage from media outlets both local and nationally.I do thank the great staff of Harpo, they were friendly and very professional.(Especially the head security guard that let me back in to use the restroom).


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#342954 - 10/24/10 03:49 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: kevinkr]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
Ok, time for me to jump back in here.

I knew going in that any chance of my speaking was extremely remote. I went there for one reason and one reason only: To help bring awareness of this evil to the public.

Yes, I believe that Tyler was given too much of an eminent role. As if he is an expert. He is not. He is one of us.

But let me clear something up about Dr. Fradkin. He is not some hands off Psychologist. Several of my friends who have been to WoR have met him AT those retreats. They say he has a passion for the survivor and I believe them. One friend of mine who attended said to me "Dr. Fradkin?? That's Howard!" because he knew him from a retreat he attended.

The reality is this: Not all could speak. I wish we could. I wish we could say to the world "Listen to me!" and hear the stories of ALL survivors! But this is not possible in such a venue.

Please celebrate the fact that this show was done for US! All of us. And the thousands of men and boys who have not yet found their voice. And the ones who could not attend or were not invited due to limits on the size of the group.

For those of you who are offended by the lack of response to your inquiries, don't let your anger cloud what was done. This is monumental for ALL survivors, not just the 200 that were there. It is another step in bringing the plight of boys and men that are suffering to the fore.

The world is not perfect. Oprah is not perfect. Tyler is not perfect. But what was done was as good as it can get for now. One day, we may have a bigger forum. But we got this one.

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#342967 - 10/24/10 05:04 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Tinman]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1962
Good for you guys for taking charge to get corrected an unfair characterization of what the show was actually about, and good for the show staff for recognizing their mistake and doing something about it.

For the rest of us that were not on the show for whatever reason, do know that the guys that were there helped start a conversation that benefits all of us, not to mention the countless number of other males who are living in silence with this stuff, and who may now find the courage to find their voice and be heard in some fashion. That is a great thing. Undoubtedly a show of the scope isn't going to happen without some hitches, but it is my hope that it is all for the best.

Eric


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#343039 - 10/25/10 12:58 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Mountainous Buck]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Originally Posted By: Mountainous Buck
I hope MaleSurvivor is ready to meet this-I don't know how much website traffic we've received lately-but having a link on Oprah's website and RAIN's, as well as men on November 5th mention malesurvivor.org will help.


Oprah.com refers people to RAINN.org. I don't think the show is going to say much about all the resources. There are a number, and serve differing interests (victims, partners, prevention, general awareness).

I'm worried about this. I don't think there IS a link to malesurvivor on RAIN's web site??? I looked quite a bit and I can't find it. Or any other links for male CSA except 1in6.org which does link malesurvivor but none of the other support web sites.

RAINN looks to be a women's (adult) rape and sexual assault organization. There's typically really a problem here. It just SO irritates me they have a national sexual assault hotline and organization, state on their site "Male victims of sexual assault are an often forgotten population--unseen, neglected, and underserved." and do exactly that. One of the RAINN local affiliates here simply doesn't respond to male victims requesting services (no call backs). Their funding requires it, their web site advertises it but it never happens in fact. They refused me as a volunteer even. There are many simular reports on Rape Crisis organizations. It would really help if more men volunteered.

I called the national hotline, left a message with a live person, got a call back in about 30 minutes from a local Rape Crisis Center. That's how it works. They have local affiliates that respond to calls. The good part is local affiliates should know local resources better. The bad part is some of these organizations are hostile to men, or don't know the special male-oriented resources for childhood abuse.

http://www.rainn.org/get-information/types-of-sexual-assault/male-sexual-assault has no victim services/support links.

http://www.rainn.org/get-information/types-of-sexual-assault/child-sexual-abuse doesn't link MS or any victim resource sites, only prevention oriented sites.

E-mail info@rainn.org and request these links be provided.

Perhaps some of you could call the national 800 number, ask the local affiliate about male child sexual abuse resources and report back what they say. I'm afraid some will not handle the call well.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#343042 - 10/25/10 01:51 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: LandOfShadow]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Guys,

Regard links on Oprah's website for support organizations for male survivors:

It is my understanding from the statements that were made by Oprah and her staff last Wed. during the taping that they will be placing such links on their website for a variety of organizations including MaleSurvivor at or around their advertised relase date for the first show on the fifth.

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#343096 - 10/25/10 09:02 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: LandOfShadow]
Steve Augustine Offline


Registered: 10/06/10
Posts: 7
Loc: Florida, U.S.A.
Land,
Your absolutely right, regarding the issues you brought up about RAINN. It is difficult to find resources or services for male survivors.
I am a speaker with there speakers bureau. I will e-mail my contact (she's a vp in communications) and see what I can do to help fix this problem. Perhaps create a section or sub group for male resources. RAINN is national, but at the same time works and is made up mainly by local centers. There online hot line volunteers are people trained by local centers. However because it is a national organization and for what it does and has accomplished it gets a lot of attention.
I think I'm at a time in my life where I can take on that challenge of perhaps getting some things done. I'll let you know.
Brian

_________________________
"The only time you run out of chances is when you stop taking them."


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#343107 - 10/25/10 11:51 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Steve Augustine]
tartugas Offline
Board Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
Yes, I'm repeating myself. I just posted this in another thread, but I feel it's really important to speak up...

"First, allow me to say that I hear you. And I want to tell you that I think that there is no difference in the pain that you and I struggle with regardless of the fact that I was abused as a child, and you an adult, [or that I was abused once and someone else serially, or that my perp was a man, or not a family member.]

There is no hierarchy of abuse. Those of us who have had our trust violated in any way bear scars that are instantly recognizable to one anther. I would like to think that if my being on the Oprah show brings light on the topic of male victims of abuse, that both of us can benefit from that.

I hope that you will not (and, indeed, it seems like you are not) allowing your disappointment or frustration to turn into rancor and bitterness. Please know that in standing up for survivors, I truly feel that I represented you, Obi, and all of those who were not in that studio, but deserved to be. If any of us want to be heard, or feel frustrated or slighted over any injustice, I hope that we can turn that anger into positive action. And that means more than contacting producers who, in my opinion went above and beyond to treat all survivors with respect. It means using this show, this time, this moment to speak up just a little louder and maybe ask for help or for more resources in their community. The people to bring your frustrations to are not in Oprah's office, they are in your communities. And many of them are willing to listen."

I also wanted to chime in and say that I have heard the same information that Walking South heard that the Oprah staff will give MS space on their resources page after the Nov. 5th airing. (Hopefully before, but we'll see).




Edited by tartugas (10/25/10 11:52 PM)
_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

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#343217 - 10/26/10 11:54 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Tinman]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
You said this is what was posted on Oprah's website:

"Tune in on November 5, 2010, when Tyler returns to help 200 abused men"

when it actually says this:

"Tune in on November 5, 2010, when Tyler and 200 abused men are standing together with one voice." (Copied and pasted verbatim).

Forgive me but I see a distinct difference between the two statements. The actual wording says nothing about him coming on the show to help other survivors in some form of professional capacity. Far from it. Instead, he wishes to stand with other male survivors “with one voice”. What’s wrong with this? Isn’t that what we do here together at MS on a daily basis? JS

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Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#343223 - 10/27/10 02:04 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: jls]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
It was changed AFTER this thread was started.

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Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#343261 - 10/27/10 10:49 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Tinman]
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1331
Loc: kansas
jls,

as tinman pointed out, it was changed after this thread started because of all the brave men who emailed/called the producers to get it changed...

the producers agreed and quickly changed it. positive step for all of us.

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#343434 - 10/28/10 05:14 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Obi]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
I'm glad to hear that.

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#343438 - 10/28/10 05:40 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: jls]
kevinkr Offline


Registered: 10/20/10
Posts: 25
"We will either find a way, or make one."

I LOVE that quote !!!

Kev


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#343689 - 10/30/10 05:31 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: kevinkr]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
It is good isn't it? I really resonate with it, given some what should have been insurmountable obstacles in my life that I have been able to get around or otherwise overcome. The quote comes from Hannible. (No, not the guy from the A-Team haha.) Rather, he was a general from ancient Carthage (now known as Tunisia in North Africa I believe) who despite all odds, beat the Roman army on the battlefield on numerous occasions due to his brilliant and unconventional military tactics and strategies. Here's a link about Hannible if your interested. JS

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hannibal

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#348181 - 12/15/10 04:45 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Tinman]
goodbyehorses Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/10/10
Posts: 26
Loc: Northern California
I watched the show. I personally felt the strength you guys portrayed by going on TV to tell your story. A friend who knows my struggles suggested I watch that episode. It was very empowering. That is how I learned of this website, and have started to disclose my story.

I did notice Tyler Perry as the focus in some segments of the show, during when the twin brothers were telling their story. In the middle of the discussion Oprah asked Tyler his opinion on it, which I could see right through as a ploy to use his "big name". That did not stop me from getting the value out of the episode, nor appreciating what you all did for survivors everywhere. I applaud everyone for their strength, including Tyler, for using their experience to benefit others. Thank you all


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#348199 - 12/15/10 10:31 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: goodbyehorses]
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
I actually struggle to watch the show now. I did watch it when it aired but it is so intense and for me, it is much more than just a show. It was the experience of being there. I'm glad the strength showed through because I'm sure I wasn't the only one who was so nervous and scared. I could not eat that day.

During the taping of the show Tyler actually talked a lot more than was actually aired. Even though I didn't know who he was, I found him to be very helpful (in the actual taping). Of course editing did not show a lot of that.

All in all, I do agree with you on the value of the program. It is changing a lot of lives for many people out there (including those of us who attended). My life has changed in many ways as a result of that show.

Don

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In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
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#348247 - 12/15/10 10:09 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: goodbyehorses]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
I means a lot to me that you are here after watching the show, Thanks. goodbyehorses

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Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#348509 - 12/19/10 12:47 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: goodbyehorses]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
GBH:

I am glad you are here too!

All over North America, and indeed the world, these two shows are having an impact. Men are starting to realize that they are not as alone as they used to feel, and that there are people who "get it". Locally, a male survivor support group has started when none existed before. One of the participants saw the second show, and knew then and there that he could take back control of his life once and for all. Even in the small city I live in, 2-3 guys a day have been contacting the local sexual assault centre since the shows aired. I am also forecasting another wave of guys will start calling in about 4-5 months, their fuses have been ignited on a slow burn. That's how it happened for me.

As Don pointed out, it was scary to do the shows. Whether seated in the restaurant at the hotel in Chicago, or in the studio, to see all those guys, anxious for sure, but convinced that this was the right thing to do... wow! I still get goosbumps when I look back at what we all did.

GBH I'm glad you managed to find your way here. smile

Jim

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My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#348512 - 12/19/10 01:08 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Geeders]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Just a word on my own journey following the trip to Chicago and the Oprah show.

There was a man on my flight who was also part of the show. We exchanged contact info before parting company at the airport. He is on the Board of Directors for an organization in our state names OAASIS (Oregon Abuse Advocates and Survivors in Service). This organization was instrumental in pushing through sweeping changes in the statute of limitations laws in this state a couple years back.

They have recently started a speaker bureau and asked me to be part of that venture. Our first training session will be coming up late next month. I've done a fair amount of public speaking on this issue in the past and am looking forward to doing it in a more organized way.

The tide is changing folks. It's happening slowly but It's obvious that in the wake of the Oprah show it is gaining momentum in a way that many of never thought possible smile

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“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#348564 - 12/20/10 02:50 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: WalkingSouth]
diamondheart Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/01
Posts: 157
Loc: Michigan
I know there has been some others out there who have different opinions on the 200 Men episode on Oprah...

I can only speak for me...

I really have to say how brave and couragous it was for all you guys to be on Oprah. You have helped so many people.

Watching the show, helped give me the courage to come back to MS and since then I have grown tremondously.

Thank you for showing the world, that we are not alone... Regardless what anyone wants to say about Oprah, I can't begin to think of all the people who were touched because of the message... and how many people would still be lost, if the show was never made?

Huggs

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I am a gay guy just trying to find my way...

http://itismytimetoshine.wordpress.com

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#349015 - 12/24/10 10:38 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: diamondheart]
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
I have heard so many positive things from so many survivors and non survivors on the show. Contrary to what I have seen stated, it was a very positive event for many. I could list many people who have been helped by this show. The stories that have been shared with me are touching and moving.

I realize not everyone is happy about it and all I can say is, that seems normal. You can't make everyone happy no matter what you do. For me, I am glad to have participated. It changed my life in many ways and now my life has been touched by many more because of it.

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#351722 - 01/23/11 09:39 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Curtis St. John]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
well that was a mistake to say he was helping anyone and they fixed that

but the fact that an actor playwrite director came out on TV and said he was a survivor too is great it lets others know we are here

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***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
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