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#342739 - 10/22/10 10:38 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Curtis St. John]
Wardpoet Offline


Registered: 10/22/10
Posts: 43
Loc: Maryland
It is hard for me to not criticize because I am hypersensitive. I have benn working on me therapy in 97 and now back in therapy now. We wre refered to as men who say they were abused by a pedophile I felt like she could have just said that we were abused. I guess that I am looking to hard at the way it was spoken rather than just taking the context appropriatly. Her intentions are good and pure we all saw some tears.


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#342744 - 10/22/10 10:52 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Tinman]
Wardpoet Offline


Registered: 10/22/10
Posts: 43
Loc: Maryland
I feel like going to the show did help me by giving me validation and Tyler helped to make this possible by being on the show.I do not believe any of their intentions are amiss and this is just the beginning for many people including Tyler and Oprah in trying to address these issues.


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#342745 - 10/22/10 10:54 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Wardpoet]
Wardpoet Offline


Registered: 10/22/10
Posts: 43
Loc: Maryland
Sorry about the typo errors and misspelling have not found spellcheck yet still looking for it


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#342746 - 10/22/10 10:54 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Wardpoet]
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1794
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
I sent a thank you to my producer and he replied with something you all should see:

Quote:
The lead editor of the website offered huge apologies and was embarrassed that those words made it onto the site without the approval of the team. She guarantees that it won't happen again -- and the executive producer of the show has also insisted upon it. Our entire team -- including oprah.com -- has worked hard to honor these 200 men and we're not going to do anything to betray that trust. I'm not minimizing the poor wording you found on the website, but good that it happened now in one promo sentence. It reinforces the magnitude of our responsibility when editing the final show and preparing the website. Our goal is to continue to make you all proud for being a part of this experience.



I'm glad they really responded I was a little worried.

cheers!


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#342747 - 10/22/10 10:57 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Curtis St. John]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
Well, dear Oprah, this is another example of survivors who have broken the silence! We speak out now! Thanks to all who contacted the show to get this corrected. I also do not believe that it was intentionally done to minimize what we did.

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#342749 - 10/22/10 11:01 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Tinman]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1248
Loc: kansas
ya know, it upsets me that you guys who did get to go, who were invited, are getting upset over something like that when there are those of us who got treated like completet rejects that didn't get no email, no phone call no nothing to at least let us know that they filled the spots...

sorry, but it angers me that after making several attempts to at least be acknowledged was left with NOTHING!....

you guys got to go... be thankful for that!

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#342756 - 10/22/10 11:42 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Obi]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1248
Loc: kansas
how about sending out emails from you guys to the producers for them to send out emails to those of us who were rejected and never notified at all whatsoever?

that's what i want. i want an email from the producer acknowledging me that thanks for sending in my emails and phone calls but sorry that the slots have been filled...

if you can make it so that the verbage was changed how about taking it a step farther and helping those of us who got rejected and feel like we're not "good enough" or "worthless" by sending in your emails to the producer to let them know that a little courtesy on their part goes a long way...

that is a huge issue with a lot of us survivors is being acknowledged for what we've been through and to be rejected like that does a disservice to us...



Edited by Obi (10/22/10 11:43 AM)
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#342758 - 10/22/10 11:53 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Wardpoet]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
That was fast even by on-line standards, lol.

Perhaps this is kind of a "teachable moment". I know some of you are skeptical, distrustful, fearful about the results of this Oprah experience and resulting show.

But I feel very "heard" and respected by all that I've seen in participating in this. Trust of others, especially authority, can be very difficult or even absent and unknown entirely in survivor's lives. As I see it though, these people, this production are entirely worthy of that trust.

In learning to trust, I first came to realize, I've never trusted at all. I realized I didn't know what trust was, because I never felt safe growing up. Every adult was potentially harmful to me, and I never let down my guard. My parents were very unpredictable and frequently completely oblivious to even physical, sexual abuses.

MUCH later in recovery, I trusted a bit but the slightest error by someone would completely undo that trust, even after a year of "trustworthiness", and I'd be deeply, silently suspicious for a month or more. Usually, I didn't say anything about being hurt because I couldn't believe anyone was safe. This isn't trust either.

I've learned people you trust WILL do things that hurt you. People make mistakes. But you have to clearly tell them, and the response to that is what matters. Some people will give you their full attention and want to know what they can do to correct the hurtful action. Tell them that too, don't retreat for self protection. Give them the chance to restore trust.

No matter what they do, I'm safe now. I withdraw trust from people who repeatedly hurt me and don't care. I didn't learn that as a kid, repeatedly trusting my parents and getting hurt over and over. Learning to DIStrust untrustworthy people has been really important to me as well.

I'm going to be blunt now. Own up to your own issues here around trust. You're not a little kid any more. You can take care of yourself now and not be vulnerable to being victimized all the time. Constant mistrust is self fullfilling when you don't recognize there are people around you who want to help you. Help them to help you!!! They're not mind readers or miracle workers. They just have issues and problems too, but they're not evil SOB's. And of course, correctly recognize and protect yourself from the ones who ARE evil SOB's. But they are fairly rare.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#342762 - 10/22/10 12:20 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: LandOfShadow]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
Originally Posted By: LandOfShadow
I've learned people you trust WILL do things that hurt you. People make mistakes. But you have to clearly tell them, and the response to that is what matters. Some people will give you their full attention and want to know what they can do to correct the hurtful action. Tell them that too, don't retreat for self protection. Give them the chance to restore trust.


Very good, Land. I think this is just what we did by contacting them about this issue. I responded to my producer that I was grateful that they heard us, understood the matter, and took corrective action. Trust was fully restored and actually my respect for them was raised by their acknowledgment of a mistake. They could have ignored us.

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#342763 - 10/22/10 12:27 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Curtis St. John]
youthfulheart62 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/19/07
Posts: 93
Loc: New Jersey(exit3)
Thanks.


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