In a bad spot.

.

not sure what section this goes in. I am hallucinating. Woke up to people sedating me, I could hear them, and feel them touching me.

I then woke up screaming and feeling him touching me.

Has anyone experienced this? I have not in processing my other memories.

A

Here is my response to the pervert who came into my life so many years ago. I have only copied the parts that I changed. Parts of it - actually all of it - can never be changed BUT the way I handle it is changing as of right now. I highlighted and underlined the changed wording.

*****triggers****

Within the first hour of her being gone he told me to get undressed after talking with me about sex and MB. Lonnie you’re out of mind – I am not getting undressed. When I did respond to his request he told me that I had sex with my mom. So Lonnie if I did have sex with my mom why would I tell you He then said your gay huh. I sure am gay Lonnie Nothing more was said that night. I would NOT see him again until a month later after they got married. Yes, she married him in a secret ceremony in the activities room at her work. He moved in that night. She would go to work at 8 that night. Within 5 minutes he told me I was still having sex with my mom. I said, no I was not. I had been having sex with my mom in my younger years but had stopped. He said then your gay. I knew I was gay but not sure why stated it. Within a couple of minutes of silence and him leaving to go to bathroom he said to come here. He asked me - you love your mom huh. I said yes. He said your gay so take off your pants. Why are you going to suck my cock – you pervert He grabbed me and took them off for me. Hmmmm…your getting frisky for someone who is straight and just married my mom – you pervert He was already naked and I was frightened. He had a hard-on and I was intrigued. He would get behind me, whisper in my ear, "if you don't want your mom hurt then you will do as I say." So you think it is ok to abuse a teenager who just happens to be the son of the woman you just married Maybe you married my mom cause you know she will take care of you as long as you are sane He then told me to kneel in front of him. Laughing!!!

The end.

It doesn't matter anyway.....he took what he wanted

Avery46, so sorry for all the pain you've experienced. Please stay in touch!
Donald

How do I begin to let him go?

((((((((((Avery46)))))))))

I saw my T today. She is so supportive and says the right thing and the right time.

Here are my challenges:

1. Love myself as I am.
2. Just be me.
3. Right about the anger.
4. Direct any anger at my stepdad or mom.
5. Own my own power
6. Know gayness is my identity - my physical preference for the sex I want to be intimate with.
7. Abuse is abuse and wrong
8. I am making my voice be heard and this is a great event.
9. I am healing and becoming more and more calm in my own skin.
10. I can cry whenever I need to.
11. Drink plenty of water.
12. Get plenty of rest/sleep.
13. Take time for my own fun.
14. Get an aquarium.
15. Love everybody and trust those that earn it.
16. Hold others accountable for their actions.
17. I can take comfort in my own self.
18. It is a right to have love ones.


This is a wonderful time in my life as I am discovering myself and all at is within me.

A

Go Avery !!!

What a great list