Derek,

I have no issue with where people are in their lives, and how they feel. We are all entitled to that, Avery is entitled to that, as I made clear. My only issue is with the presumption that our skewed perceptions shouldn't be questioned and can't, or won't, ever change.

If now isn't the right time to tackle it, so be it. We must all work in our own time. But that doesn't mean it should not ultimately be tackled.

-efm

I have a skewed perception, right? It is ok to say but please PM me and not make a public statement if you think I have problem. Please give me that respect.

Kindness, respect, mercy and love to all.

I have nothing more to add. I am changing all the time.

I am sorry others see the need to force a change on anyone else. If you get to know me - I have written my story here - you will see that I have changed A LOT.

Peace,
Donnie

It really isn't up to an outside party to say what and when a subject should be questioned. The only person you can change, is yourself!

Shaun,

This is a great topic. I am glad you posted this topic. It helps to realize I am not the only one who has this issue AND it helps me to realize the issue is NOT one I need to take on as a bad thing within myself.

Peace,
Donnie

I like this discussion - part of it for me is about self esteem and I am learning to do esteemable things today-I am also learning to let good things about me really sink in deeply-rather than brush them off.

This is the opposite of how I've coped with life-wallowing in escapism that builds isolation and depression-and looking for reasons to feel bad about myself and letting those seep in no matter how trivial or untrue.

I think The antedote to body image is intimacy-when I e perience intimacy I feel great. Intimacy is not public like the sexuality in media bars and youth - that is voyeurism and it doesn't bring peace or acceptance.

That's probably one of the most damaging consequences of sexual abuse-robbing me of my natural ability to be intimate (trusting emotional vulnerable and physically) and replacing it with a sexualized version of human relations.

Folks,

<Deep Sigh> This isn't about about a single person or a single situation at all. It's about hope.

I'm grappling with a set of perceptions and beliefs that don't match reality right now. What I saw and felt was a brother in the same situation say "this is the way the world is and it's not going to change" and shut down. For me to have hope for what I'm going through, it helps if others have hope as well. So yes, I challenged a self-perception as a way to break open a channel of hope for someone else.

I don't want or need anyone to do anything other than accept that the hope of change and growth exists and is accessible to them. That's it.

-efm

MB,

I applaud you for saying the above. I believe the media's play on male sexuality - 6pk abs and smoothness - is about voyeurism. It is NOT intimacy.

I lack intimacy - deep intimacy with another. I have not ever allowed this. This is my next step in recovery. I am at a pretty good place.

I do have hope in more intimacy. I do not have hope of having a body that has 6 pks abs and smooth as the pic depics at the beginning of this post. I do have HOPE of intimacy.

Thanks guys for the frank and open discussion.

Donnie

*

Shaun,

Good for you. I would at the drop of a hat. I would have laser and lipo.

I don't know if this makes sense, But I have come to the point I finally think I understand that there are many pictures of me, because, as one writer put it, I can't look at myself in the mirror. Since my abuse, I have had a weight problem, probably more self induced. I am trying to lose weight but I get nervous at the local YM as I have had a couple of come-ons. But I am trying to overcome and adapt I guess.