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#342061 - 10/13/10 10:08 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: pufferfish]
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
I'm looking forward to being there!

Darrel

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#342067 - 10/13/10 10:57 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Derdlecar]
Happy Birthday Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
Quote:
I appreciate every one of you who is going. I for one am willing but not ready. I still need to talk about it with my mother. She has never asked me what my uncle did to me and my brother. We have never directly discussed it in 34 years. I am not quite at the point that I can discuss it without hurting her. Having it announced on a national talk show without discussing it with her is definitely not helpful. Just remember we are a band of brothers and those of us not with you physically are with you in spirit. The more of us who can realize that we are not alone and what was done is not right, the better. The power of the abuse is in the secrets.


Yeah, I hear you... the only reason I told my mom was because I was about to testify and I didn't want her to read it in the paper.

She was hurt, upset, and felt guilty, but she got over it and became proud...

The conversation will happen when you are ready and there's no need to rush. One thing I found when working through all this junk was that as survivors we all take glances to the side in order to see how the guy next to us is doing... is he getting better faster? Am I doing it right? Shouldn't I be happier now?

Not soon after that I figured out that recovery is not a competition and I could use my friends as barometers but with the understanding that I was at my own pace and could not rush it any more than I can make flowers grow faster by hooking springs to the sprouts to stretch them out of the ground...

Wherever we are on our journey is where we're going to be and we'll get there when we're supposed to no matter if we're walking or running.

It happens.


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#342082 - 10/14/10 06:12 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Curtis St. John]
Donald D'Haene Offline
Member

Registered: 04/11/04
Posts: 68
Loc: London
Dear Curtis ..what a thoughtful post! So true!

_________________________
Donald D'Haene
http://www.fatherstouch.com

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#342084 - 10/14/10 08:03 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: pufferfish]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
Hey NLT

Thanks for your YouTube video and speaking your truth.

Here is my two cents dealing with the media:

1) Know what you want to and NEED to say.

2) Write down each point simply and powerfully.

3) Memorize those points and make sure you:
-introduce those points upfront,
-repeat those points in the interview using very similar words,
-close by telling Oprah and her audience what you just told them.

Set these as your goals to get your message out and you will finish a winner.

I'll be thinking of you next week.

Godspeed

Jamie

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

“It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#342095 - 10/14/10 09:44 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Mountainous Buck]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Thank you Jamie! I'll do that. I may get time on camera and I've never done that. I've tried to think of what would be most helpful to say. Out of so many issues, I've picked these 3:

The "Why can't you just get over it!?" Try to make people understand why this is so often a life long issue. This is very hard I think to get across to people who may think we are all just making excuses for our failings, whining about some little thing, posing as victims expecting everyone to help us.

The silence. For survivors asking for help, in prevention education for adults, in talking to children about abuse, in the media, ... there is still too much hesitation to talk about this, ask questions, bring it up, learn when you need to from experts. We need to get used to talking about all of this. Everyone.

Prevention. Minnesota is spending $70 million on sex offender treatment/incarceration and StopItNow Minnesota tells me they have NO FUNDING to do any primary prevention work. This is nuts. We are treating the results of abuse and totally ignoring stopping it before it happens, how it is spread, started. We all know how damaging it is, how expensive therapy is ($30,000 and counting here). It can't be undone. It MUST be prevented in the first place. So everyone: learn, speak up, be the solution, not the problem. That means you.

What do you think? They are very open to suggestions like this in my experience. What's the key points to make?

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#342096 - 10/14/10 09:52 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: LandOfShadow]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Ok. On a lighter note.... Please don't wear a tie! I hate wearing ties, hehehe. Sweaters or just open shirts... please? lol

I very much want to meet you guys, especially those who are speaking out and working for survivors.

Allan

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#342103 - 10/14/10 10:24 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Curtis St. John]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Curtis St. John
[quote] Not soon after that I figured out that recovery is not a competition and I could use my friends as barometers but with the understanding that I was at my own pace and could not rush it any more than I can make flowers grow faster by hooking springs to the sprouts to stretch them out of the ground...

Wherever we are on our journey is where we're going to be and we'll get there when we're supposed to no matter if we're walking or running.


Curtis,

Reading your words this morning is so comforting to me. I am in the mode of recovery and too many times I get caught up in watching others and NOT giving my own self credit.

I do what I can. I appreciate you all for going on international TV.

Peace,
A

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#342148 - 10/14/10 08:31 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Avery46]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
The show will be available to view online afterwards.

It will be found at:

http://www.oprah.com/oprah_archive.html

Allen

pufferfish whistle


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#342162 - 10/15/10 12:54 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: pufferfish]
cpt. confusion Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/04
Posts: 159
Loc: midwest
Hey guys, I'm a local chicagoan (well, in the north burbs now), and I had submitted through her website last week with a truncated version on my story, and request to be in the audence, and never heard anything back. my wife also submitted through her site, under "know a man who was SA?" and she never heard anything back. I'm resubmitting it tonight actually, so i'm crossing my fingers b/c I think it would be be great to be a part of this, and an incredible healing opportunity.

Wanted to also let you know that my wife has attended a couple tapings of Oprah, and they usually air the show the following week, depending on scheduling. I'd expect it to be aired sometime during the week of the 25th.

So, whether I'm picked to attend or not, I can try to help make some suggestions for dinner base on what hotel(s) they end up putting you up in. Xoco is AMAZING, but not very group friendly, as it is kinda small, and you should be prepared to wait in line, and they are not open very late either (i think like 7/8:00...). The owner Rick Bayless does has another place right next to Xoco, but it can get pretty expensive.

If you end up staying right near the studio, a good option is FlatTop Grill, Asian make your own stir fry, all you can eat, and some fresh good food... Not sure how many of you have been to Chicago, but its defintely known for the food, and there are PLENTY of good options, no matter where in the city you stay. Again, happy to help find a good place, and maybe meet up for dinner if that'd be alright...

Submitting my request again, so i'll keep ya posted if I hear anything.

-cpt.

_________________________
"Look at every path closely and deliberately, then ask ourselves this crucial question: Does this path have a heart? If it does, then the path is good. If it doesn't, it is of no use."
-Carlos Castaneda

*WoR Alum
Sequoia I-March '11
Alta II, September '11

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#342170 - 10/15/10 07:43 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: cpt. confusion]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Gentlemen who are attending Oprah,

I don't mean this as a downer but I wish to say to everyone who may find themselves with an opportunity to "speak" in some situation...(particularly if they do any kind of pre or post show testimonial/confession kind of thing to be edited later)...while I don't in any way think Oprah would have bad intentions, I think you should be prepared for the fun of being quoted out of context. As a person who is frequently quoted in the media, I know on a small scale with things that are not terribly important how frustrating and helpless it is to have one sentence taken out of context to make someone else's point.

For instance...

If the producers wanted to make the point that many men who have been abused want to have sex with other men...a guy could be stating the during a particularly confused time in his life he " thought he wanted to have sex with men but that has now passed". That statement is easily edited in a montage type presentation to "i wanted to have sex with men" CUT to next guy saying he wanted to have sex with men. That guy is married with children who know about all of this, has friends who know about it, well the abuse at least...but now the viewing public and anyone doing a google search on that person's name who might be led to Oprah's website with that clip on it will only know that their friend, business colleague, baseball coach, whatever "wanted to have sex with men".

I know that may be an extreme case, and you might say Oprah would never do that...well Oprah ain't doing the editing...that's her team and while I'm sure they're nice people too, they have a show and a point to make and your safety isn't at the top of their list I'd say, after all as far as they're concerned, you're there by choice, talking on camera by choice and well, you take your risks, you're an adult. Oprah very well may give final approval, but that wouldn't mean she would know the full story.

In the euphoria to spread the word, help other guys, admit to the world your own story, don't forget the very real dangers and reality of going on national television and entering the public arena, even for that brief Warhol 15 minutes.

Good luck fellas,

Kevin

_________________________
the family
the perp

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