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#342370 - 10/18/10 08:58 AM My Timeline of adult abuse
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
age 22 raped by stranger oral sex happened and when he was to enter me I started to cry don't hurt me and he let me go.

age 31 Ed in my men's group offered to give me massage, and afterward he hugged me. I asked for another hug and then he turned things sexual asking me to thrust into him while he did the same.

age 38 a friend wanted to get sexual with me not much happened but it was disturbing.

age 39 my mother was in my house came down the steps with out a shirt on and asked me to rub something under her breasts, and I did. Feel crazy I do whatever others want.

age 41 pete L. who I met on here was acting like a friend for 7 months and then in person (we lived close) he was nice until I asked for a hug and then he put his hands in my pants, he would meet with me 1-2 times a months and touch me. He left MS when we met in person. Six months after we met in person he moved away.

age 43 I became friends with David D. whom I ended up moving in with. He locked me up in the house when we were home, and I would go with him places. He would go to my therapy sessions he would claim to save our relationship. We were not in relationship I was his slave. He had sex with me unwanted sex three times. I consider it raped.

At 47 I went to work on a retreat and someone performed oral sex on me which was not wanted. I went down to confront him and it happened again.

Age 48, today I am driving into DC to take a defense class. I hope it helps.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#342433 - 10/18/10 08:21 PM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: michael Joseph]
blaidd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 240
Loc: Australia
I stand by you as a MS witness to what you have been through Michael. Sorry that you have been through so much.

Hope the defence class goes well. I look forward to hearing how that went. smile

_________________________
Blaidd (pronounced as blaith/blithe) is a welsh word meaning wolf.

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#342437 - 10/18/10 08:44 PM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: blaidd]
Narasuke Offline


Registered: 05/01/09
Posts: 17
Loc: Columbus, OH
I hope that the self defense class goes well, too. I used to take classes and felt empowered them...so I hope that you get the same experience.

Best Wishes,

Michael

_________________________
Proud Alumnus of Hope Springs WoR, 2010

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#342503 - 10/19/10 02:38 PM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: Narasuke]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Kia yah -- yeah it was helpful
you better not mess with me now

LOL

thanks men I need some nuns to practice on though

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#342609 - 10/21/10 09:12 AM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: michael Joseph]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
the post seems like just the facts ma'am
but really there is a lot of pain hurt anger frustration and many
more feelings not sure what all, but I also have many friends here who help thanks.

MJ

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#342624 - 10/21/10 11:44 AM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: michael Joseph]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
MJ

You certainly have gone through a lot!

Yet here you are, helping other guys. That's good.

It's therapeutic to lay it all out. Get it out in the open and sun dry it. Then it can heal.

Allen

pufferfish


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#342809 - 10/22/10 08:00 PM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: pufferfish]
starman77 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 36
Loc: Illinois
Michael,

Man I am sorry that those thing happened to you as an adult.

When I was 42 I met a guy in my church. I'll call him M. He was a christain and a T to boot.
I met with him every Thurs morning for breakfast. After about 6 yrs we knew each others story well. We met with another man once a month for dinner. We met at each other homes. After all those years we met, he can early one night.
One weekend our church had a men's workshop. He spoke about friendship. He asked me to the stage. He praised me as a good friend. He made other comments about me to the group.
M. and My friendship felt solid to me.
A month or so after the workshop, he propsitioned me for sex.
We was the first man I trused. It hurt a lot.
I asked him to leave and never heard from him again.
Thanks for giving me the courage mto post this.
I kno9w how much you hurt MJ.

Jerry



Edited by starman77 (10/22/10 08:05 PM)

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#342908 - 10/23/10 09:40 PM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: starman77]
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
Michael,

Safe hugs.

( ( ( ( ( (((((Michael))))) ) ) ) ) )

Darrel

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#343019 - 10/25/10 05:14 AM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: Derdlecar]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
thanks

this weekend I was able to talk and cry and hit pillows with a racquet

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#343257 - 10/27/10 10:38 AM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: michael Joseph]
farmboy Offline


Registered: 08/07/08
Posts: 2
Loc: CA, USA
I'm here for you, brutha! My therapist was very supportive when I decided to go back to lifting without being paralysed by dealing with other guys' testosterone. Just don't start punching everybody wink


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#343431 - 10/28/10 04:50 PM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: farmboy]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
dont worry Jay beat me in arm wrestling

so I am not sure I can hurt many with a punch

LOL I will try though if they try to hurt me

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#343625 - 10/30/10 04:28 AM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: farmboy]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
D____ D___ is a fucking asshole and I hope he rots in hell.

I thank all who read what happened to me, and your support mean the world to me. I love each and every one of you.

MJ



Edited by ModTeam (11/15/10 10:34 AM)
Edit Reason: Removed identifying information
_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#343678 - 10/30/10 03:21 PM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: michael Joseph]
CruxFidelis Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
we love you too, bro!

_________________________
“If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.”

- Saint John of the Cross

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#344053 - 11/03/10 10:02 PM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: farmboy]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
How did I get hurt in March? I let someone I did not know talk me into being alone with him. I have a hard time saying no or getting out of situations. This has happened many times, over and over again. The thing that has changed is I am done being hurt. I am fighting back. I am learning no to minimize my past abuse in order to show feelings more. I was able to shout and scream at the weekend at shane’s.
I am getting stronger, but there are people interested in being my friend. I will not allow myself to be alone with people I do not know well in person or that I do not trust. In the past I would get hurt now I say no. I feel bad I was locked up for 10 months and raped but I will not find myself in situations where I can be hurt. If someone wants to meet me, they will do so in public.
I feel like curling up in a ball and crying sometimes. I am not sure how I made it thru all the abuse, But I did and I am glad.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#344307 - 11/06/10 09:18 AM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: farmboy]
derrick Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/10
Posts: 94
Loc: North Carolina
(((((( hugs )))))))

_________________________
My Story http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...5766#Post335766

Alumnai of May 2011 DAHLONEGA (a life changeing event)
Alumnai of October 2010 WOR Hope Springs
Dahlonega

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#345159 - 11/14/10 11:41 AM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: farmboy]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
too late I got Jay on the mat

LOL just kidding

I will only srike when attacked

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#345190 - 11/14/10 08:12 PM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: farmboy]
Shelatowie Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/16/00
Posts: 11
Loc: Pennsylvania, USA
MJ -- I met other survivors through a group type setting -- just for male survivors mind you. I allowed myself to spit it out you might say. Told the truth about the sexual abuse. I trusted the man who facilitated the weekly meetings and what do you think happened next. I trusted the group and him with my secrets and he started to hound me to be sexual with him. I was devastated, all i wanted was to just be free to be me. I began to feel as if I had no control over this situation and left the group to save myself but that left me alone to deal with everything by myself.
The so called good guy - friend - facilitator of the sexual abuse group was now directly sexually harrassing me. I moved from where I used to live but he found me later, found my new phone number even though it was intentionally not placed in my name. The So called friend has turned out to be a predator. I went into a severe depression that was so strong it was comparible to the suicidal feelings I had when I was being raped in my teenage years. I spoke to my wife about what he was trying to do and she said just deal with him he's a paying customer. I was self employed at the time with my own business. Even my wife wanted me to place myself in danger just for money. Wife and I are no longer together and I am working on getting a devorce.

I am here for you MJ !
Hang in there,
Shelatowie


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#345251 - 11/15/10 08:07 AM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: Shelatowie]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
well I am divorced my wife was the devil herself

and yeah u told me u were severated

HUGS

MJ

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#346112 - 11/23/10 10:34 PM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: michael Joseph]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
what would u say to me know what I shared in this thread?

It would help to hear from my friends

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#346237 - 11/25/10 10:40 AM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: michael Joseph]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
MJ,

I would say that you have had an issue that is common among survivors. That feeling of being pressured into situations, sexual or not, where we want to argue or fight our way out. Instead we have the shadow of abuse or assaults that creep back into our thought process. That affects our ability to say no or to escape things that others easily walk away from.

I would say you are a man endured much in his life and is still standing. I admire you so much for that. A man of strength and courage. You are an activist who is not afraid to stand up for his beliefs and support others as well.

Now you are saying enough is enough and doing what you need to in order to keep yourself safe. Building stronger boundaries and saying no from the beginning by saying what is acceptable and what is not. It is wise to begin with minimal trust and let it build from there if the person shows themselvdes worthy of of your trust and friendship. These are not walls of seperation but ones of safety.

I would say to you that this is huge growth on your part and that you have my full support. You deserve this new phase of your life. Seems you are headed for a new normal.


Daryl

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#346340 - 11/27/10 09:33 AM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: prisonerID]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Daryl that means a lot. Almost cried. Makes doing the retreat even sweeter, and doing it at my house even better.

I am determined to make it.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#346359 - 11/27/10 02:54 PM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: michael Joseph]
Happy Birthday kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Just keep workin it MJ but don't give up on people. You deserve to be with someone who you can trust and love. The wise Oz has no other advice unfortunately. Be well brother. Keith.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#346366 - 11/27/10 05:14 PM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: kb8715]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
thanks Keith I am doing good and keeping from being hurt

and really thinking hard about where people stand when they

say they are my friend

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#353168 - 02/09/11 06:35 AM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: farmboy]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
thank farmboy

Male survivors Unite MSU for short

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#353419 - 02/11/11 08:49 PM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: michael Joseph]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Ok Keith I mean Wiz

thanks everyone I sometimes glance backward and see the past, and some of it was great. Some of it was not good at all.

But being here is great.

MJ

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#353822 - 02/16/11 08:48 AM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: michael Joseph]
kjessie Offline


Registered: 02/12/11
Posts: 28
Hang in there Michael *hug* And if anyone comes to close in an inappropriate way, just kick his ass big time! wink


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#353828 - 02/16/11 10:30 AM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: kjessie]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Yeah thanks
or shoot them

Bang

thanks Jessie

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#353834 - 02/16/11 11:32 AM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: michael Joseph]
kjessie Offline


Registered: 02/12/11
Posts: 28
Well, I guess if you shoot them, you might mess up your own life. And they are not worth it! Better to kick their asses. Guess no one would blame you! wink


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#353919 - 02/17/11 06:05 AM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: kjessie]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
self defence LOL

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#353920 - 02/17/11 06:07 AM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: michael Joseph]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
starting timeline of a wonderful life

it is a better timeline

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#354059 - 02/18/11 03:03 PM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: prisonerID]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
MJ,

Being the wonderful man you are. Listen to your gut. I believe in you.

Your getting there.

I am so far away from you to attend your retreats but, I am sure they are wonderful.

Donnnie

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#354084 - 02/18/11 08:46 PM Re: My Timeline of adult abuse [Re: Avery46]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
thank donnie

do you talk funny comming from MN?

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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