Newest Members
tammy m, TheConqueror, Bloom, JohnWC, KKumar
12423 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
biggbill70 (44), CP4 (24), EddieMi (46), EddieT (46), hemi1024 (54), Kage (70), kdj_74 (40), Knightswhitehart (49), otlhouston (47), TX_Space (47), VirtualBman (50)
Who's Online
2 registered (Scott1962, 1 invisible), 26 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12423 Members
74 Forums
63799 Topics
445511 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 7 of 14 < 1 2 ... 5 6 7 8 9 ... 13 14 >
Topic Options
#342171 - 10/15/10 08:57 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: sono]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Kevin,
Thanks. That's a huge concern of mine given my current situation. I plan to tell them right up front that "this" and "that" are not helpful myths, attitudes to reinforce and promise me you won't do that here. No guarantees of course. But I think they are aware and don't want to do something that will garner resounding criticism, and I plan to clearly tell them what to avoid. But yes, I feel pretty vulnerable to feeling used for someones agenda. A lot of trust is in this endeavor.

The situation you mention strikes me as almost routine, rather than extreme, don't you think? Though "wanted" is exactly the difficult question. Myself, I was forced into same sex activity before I had any notion of MY sexuality. I laugh, because what I wanted didn't matter AT ALL. That was all I knew.

I am worried about simplistic beliefs like:

Abuse is what makes people gay, or is behind (all) same sex attraction. Or abuse always causes that. Or my being the poster boy for the ex-gay movement.

Or if a guy later has sex, even frequently, with men, then he is gay. Or bisexual. Or can't be trusted to be monogamous, or honest.

It is just a lot more complex that than. And people do learn and heal from abuse.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

Top
#342176 - 10/15/10 09:45 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: LandOfShadow]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
While there is the possibility of the producers misquoting or promoting an agenda rather than telling our story, I know that they have sought input and guidance from respected experts in the field of male victimization and recovery. It is my belief that they will handle our message to the world with respect and sensitivity. I think we will be pleased with the final product.

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

Top
#342181 - 10/15/10 10:52 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: WalkingSouth]
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
Ya, thanks Kevin, I've been in that exact spot. One reporter "quoted" me once through a "source" which didn't really exist.

It does indeed happen, however my experience with Harpo Productions has been nothing but good and I'm not worried about this one. Although I know we have to keep in mind that they will spin things the way they want in order to make the best show, I feel they are on the same page as us with this and won't take things out of context. But again, you are absolutely right.

O Magazine-Love Among the Ruins, Sexually Abused Men, Is Your Husband One Of Them

Dr. Robin on Oprah Radio - Sexually Abused Men

I think we're going to have a good time with this. We just have to relax, go with the flow, and try to be ready for anything.

OH! I just remembered, one point to remind them of if any of us get the chance is that the biggest myth is if a child is abused they will grow up to be an abuser themselves. 89% do not go on to offend. Is the myths/facts page still around here?... Hang on, I'll go look...

Well only half of em are here so I'll just paste them here from my old files... Take a look and refresh your memory...

Myth #1 - Boys and men can't be victims

This myth, instilled through masculine gender socialization and sometimes referred to as the "macho image," declares that males, even young boys, are not supposed to be victims or even vulnerable. We learn very early that males should be able to protect themselves. In truth, boys are children - weaker and more vulnerable than their perpetrators - who cannot really fight back. Why? The perpetrator has greater size, strength, and knowledge. This power is exercised from a position of authority, using resources such as money or other bribes, or outright threats -whatever advantage can be taken to use a child for sexual purposes.

Myth #2 - Most sexual abuse of boys is perpetrated by homosexual males

Pedophiles who molest boys are not expressing a homosexual orientation any more than pedophiles that molest girls are practicing heterosexual behaviors. While many child molesters have gender and/or age preferences, of those who seek out boys, the vast majority are not homosexual. They are pedophiles.

Myth #3 - If a boy experiences sexual arousal or orgasm from abuse, this means he was a willing participant or enjoyed it.

In reality, males can respond physically to stimulation (get an erection) even in traumatic or painful sexual situations. Therapists who work with sexual offenders know that one way a perpetrator can maintain secrecy is to label the child's sexual response as an indication of his willingness to participate. "You liked it, you wanted it," they'll say. Many survivors feel guilt and shame because they experienced physical arousal while being abused. Physical (and visual or auditory) stimulation is likely to happen in a sexual situation. It does not mean that the child wanted the experience or understood what it meant at the time.

Myth #4 - Boys are less traumatized by the abuse experience than girls.

While some studies have found males to be less negatively affected, more studies show that long-term effects are quite damaging for either sex. Males may be more damaged by society's refusal or reluctance to accept their victimization, and by their resultant belief that they must "tough it out" in silence.

Myth #5 - Boys abused by males are or will become homosexual.

While there are different theories about how the sexual orientation develops, experts in the human sexuality field do not believe that premature sexual experiences play a significant role in late adolescent or adult sexual orientation. It is unlikely that someone can make another person a homosexual or heterosexual. Sexual orientation is a complex issue and there is no single answer or theory that explains why someone identifies himself as homosexual, heterosexual or bi-sexual. Whether perpetrated by older males or females, boys' or girls' premature sexual experiences are damaging in many ways, including confusion about one's sexual identity and orientation. Many boys who have been abused by males erroneously believe that something about them sexually attracts males, and that this may mean they are homosexual or effeminate. Again, not true. Pedophiles who are attracted to boys will admit that the lack of body hair and adult sexual features turns them on. The pedophile's inability to develop and maintain a healthy adult sexual relationship is the problem - not the physical features of a sexually immature boy.

Myth #6 - The "Vampire Syndrome” that is, boys who are sexually abused, like the victims of Count Dracula, go on to "bite" or sexually abuse others.

This myth is especially dangerous because it can create a terrible stigma for the child, that he is destined to become an offender. Boys might be treated as potential perpetrators rather than victims who need help. While it is true that most perpetrators have histories of sexual abuse, it is NOT true that most victims go on to become perpetrators. Research by Jane Gilgun, Judith Becker and John Hunter found a primary difference between perpetrators who were sexually abused and sexually abused males who never perpetrated: non-perpetrators told about the abuse, and were believed and supported by significant people in their lives. Again, the majority of victims do not go on to become adolescent or adult perpetrators; and those who do perpetrate in adolescence usually don't perpetrate as adults if they get help when they are young.

Myth #7 - If the perpetrator is female, the boy or adolescent should consider himself fortunate to have been initiated into heterosexual activity.

In reality, premature or coerced sex, whether by a mother, aunt, older sister, baby-sitter or other female in a position of power over a boy, causes confusion at best, and rage, depression or other problems in more negative circumstances. To be used as a sexual object by a more powerful person, male or female, is always abusive and often damaging.


Ten Facts About Sexual Abuse of Boys and its Aftermath

#1:Up to one out of six men report having had unwanted direct sexual contact with an older person by the age of 16. If we include non-contact sexual behavior, such as someone exposing him- or herself to a child, up to one in four men report boyhood sexual victimization. (1,2)

#2:On average, boys first experience sexual abuse at age 10. The age range at which boys are first abused, however, is from infancy to late adolescence.(1,2)

#3:Boys at greatest risk for sexual abuse are those living with neither or only one parent; those whose parents are separated, divorced, and/or remarried; those whose parents abuse alcohol or are involved in criminal behavior; and those who are disabled. (3)

#4:Boys are most commonly abused by males (between 50 and 75%). However, it is difficult to estimate the extent of abuse by females, since abuse by women is often covert. Also, when a woman initiates sex with a boy he is likely to consider it a "sexual initiation" and deny that it was abusive, even though he may suffer significant trauma from the experience. (1)

#5:A smaller proportion of sexually abused boys than sexually abused girls report sexual abuse to authorities.(3)

#6:Common symptoms for sexually abused men include: guilt, anxiety, depression, interpersonal isolation, shame, low self-esteem, self-destructive behavior, post-traumatic stress reactions, poor body imagery, sleep disturbance, nightmares, anorexia or bulimia, relational and/or sexual dysfunction, and compulsive behavior like alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling, overeating, overspending, and sexual obsession or compulsion. (3, 4)

#7:The vast majority (over 80%) of sexually abused boys never become adult perpetrators, while a majority of perpetrators (up to 80%) were themselves abused. (1)

#8:There is no compelling evidence that sexual abuse fundamentally changes a boy's sexual orientation, but it may lead to confusion about sexual identity and is likely to affect how he relates in intimate situations. (3, 4)

#9:Boys often feel physical sexual arousal during abuse even if they are repulsed by what is happening. (4)

#10:Perpetrators tend to be males who consider themselves heterosexual (5,6) and are most likely to be known but unrelated to the victims.(3)



1. Lisak, D, Hopper, J, Song, P (1996). Factors in the cycle of violence: Gender rigidity and emotional constriction. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 9: 721-743
2. Finkelhor D, Hotaling G, Lewis IA, Smith C. (1990). Sexual abuse in a national survey of adult men and women: Prevalence, characteristics, and risk factors. Child Abuse and Neglect, 19:557-68
3. Holmes, W, Slap, G (1998). Sexual abuse of boys: Definition, prevalence, correlates, sequelae, and management. Journal of the American Medical Association, 280:1855-1862
4. Gartner, RB (1999). Betrayed as Boys: Psychodynamic Treatment of Sexually Abused Men. New York: Guilford Press
5. Groth, AN, Oliveri, F (1989). Understanding sexual abuse behavior and differentiating among sexual abusers. In S. Sgroi (Ed.), Vulnerable Populations, (Vol. 2, pp. 309-327). Lexington, MA: Lexington Books
6. Jenny C, Roesler TA, Poyer KL (1994). Are children at risk for sexual abuse by homosexuals? Pediatrics; 94:41-4



Top
#342185 - 10/15/10 12:11 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Curtis St. John]
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
I know from watching Oprah over the years that she knows first hand what it means to be a survivor.

It will be nice having familiar faces/names there as well and because the audience will be male survivors, it will feel much more supportive I think.

We will all make it and come out of this stronger than we were before. As a result of that, others that may be searching to find their way through this will see that they aren't alone. Just by being there, it will allow others to see that not only does child sexual abuse of males take place but there is hope and there is healing from it.

My hat is off to each one of us that will be there and I honor the courage in each one of us to do this.

Don



Edited by MrDon (10/16/10 02:00 PM)
_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

Top
#342187 - 10/15/10 12:57 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: MrDon]
InsideTheWall Offline


Registered: 01/10/09
Posts: 282
I hope admin are ready for the massive influx of new members this is likely to bring.


Top
#342188 - 10/15/10 01:13 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: InsideTheWall]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 849
Loc: Kc,Mo
Originally Posted By: InsideTheWall
I hope admin are ready for the massive influx of new members this is likely to bring.


i have been thinking about posting this myself . there will be so many more new member because of this show . great call on this

get ready because it is comming

_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

Top
#342191 - 10/15/10 01:36 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: nltsaved]
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Just got the email with all the information. I'm so excited now! Today has been a very good day for me!

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

Top
#342193 - 10/15/10 01:58 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: MrDon]
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Does anyone know what the temperature inside Oprah's studio is? Is it on the chilly side or not. I've read things that it is cool but not like many studios.

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

Top
#342246 - 10/16/10 01:53 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: MrDon]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Further communication from Harpo Productions regarding the Oprah show. Please be aware of these stipulations as you consider posting here or sharing on other social media.

Quote:
PUBLICITY RULES
The Harpo Publicity department will begin promoting this show one week before the airdate. Until then, the content of the show is embargoed and confidential. However, beginning on October 28, everyone may post to their blogs, websites, social media, etc. if they wish to let people know to "tune in" to "The Oprah Winfrey Show" on ______________ for your episode. We do want to make sure that as many viewers as possible know about the episode so we can help make a difference.

After the show airs on _________, Ms. Winfrey's name, and the show name, may not be used for any marketing, advertising, promotional or PR purpose - things like "as seen on Oprah" or press releases are not allowed.


_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

Top
#342286 - 10/16/10 09:35 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Curtis St. John]
youthfulheart62 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/19/07
Posts: 93
Loc: New Jersey(exit3)
I will be there,

Julian
Simpsonwood Ga,Alta UT and Kirkridge P.A


Top
Page 7 of 14 < 1 2 ... 5 6 7 8 9 ... 13 14 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.