The past couple of weeks have been pretty miserable for me personally. To many things coming up - memories, connections, etc. I was struggling to exist in life because it seemed like every project I was working on was going nowhere. Contract work that I do has been non existent since the end of July so times are tough.
On top of feeling worthless and all those negative thoughts that come up from my abuse, I was feeling not wanted and pushed aside by some people who are my close friends. They may not have meant to do things but it hurt and it was difficult to deal with.
I really had to go find my cave and crawl in it for a few days. I spent several days doing some very physical work outside like washing/waxing our two cars, pressure washing the driveway and sidewalks, repairing some tiles in our pool, etc. I was tired and sore from some of it but it was my way of zoning everything out and not giving a flip about anything but what I was doing.
Today things have changed. A major sale I was working on with someone in respect to my Christmas CD's went through finally. I've been working on it for over a month and was getting discouraged. I'm not always patient. I still have to do some things to finalize this but at least partial payment was made and well, it didn't come a moment too soon for my bank account.
Than last night, the person that does graphic design work for me finally completed the graphic for the book cover of my book I've written. I had hoped to have all of that done at the end of August but of course, schedules don't always follow my wishes! So today, I'm uploading this book and will get a proof copy to make sure everything is ok. It is the first time I am really putting a major part of myself out there. It isn't my complete story but it evolves around it. The complete story still has to be written one of these days.
It just feels good to have positive news for a change. I've really struggled hard lately and got down pretty hard on myself. I questioned just about everything in life the other day. So glad I pulled through this and right now, it feels like a heavy weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This morning, I spoke to my angels (that is what I call it and no, this isn't a religious thing to me). I told them about all my fears, my concerns, etc, and so forth. I have a little app on my iphone that lets me pick an Angel Therapy card and the one that came up this morning was "divine timing". It was so perfect this morning and was so on. Angels are very important to me for many reasons.
So anyway, today is much better. Life feels like I'm swimming with the current than trying to fight the flood waters. I tend to be a strong person that will go through just about anything but sometimes it almost gets the best of me.
And thanks for listening and just thank you all for being here because it has helped me a lot lately.