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#341148 - 09/30/10 04:49 AM Original Poem by Me
John2881 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1
Loc: NYC
At the Center of the Hourglass

by John Acevedo Romero on Thursday, September 30, 2010 at 4:15am


Staring at the Hour glass he finds himself frozen in time as he watches each grain of sand fall in slow motion
Each grain that falls is a Memory of Pain in his life
The slow
silent pour
of sand.
He feels every beat of his heart
Loud
Like the sound of someone banging on a door.
Overwhelmed by a Multitudinous Highway of thoughts...He snorts a line

He says to himself "Am I losing my mind?"
Does he have enough time?
Enough time to learn to let go
Let go of the things he cannot change.

Each year that passes he becomes more estranged
from who he was
Who he is
Who he wants to be
Who everyone wants him to be
Overwhelmed by a Multitudinous Highway of thoughts...He posts Ads online
Soliciting himself
He has become Adept in his self Abasing Coping Mechanisms
Every man He offers his Body to
Are just Bullets in the barrel
Of the Gun he is Holding against his skull.
Outwardly hoping to Die
Inwardly Fighting with a Loud cry.
The man inside begs to Live
While the Impostor outside Shouts
Die
Die
Die.
"This is who you are" they tell him
"You were born like this"
As he tries to reveal his True identity...He is silenced
His Identity as a Man
stolen as a young boy
Brainwashed when he was prepubescent
Developed as a teenager.
He learns to be victimized
He is Raped
He is Sodomized
He is Drawn to the life
Of
a street walker.
A whore
A Homo
A slut.
Paid
for his body
Pays
with his Body
He walks with his Head down
With every tear hitting the ground
Hoping it leaves a Trail
For someone to Find him and rescue him.
Overwhelmed by a Multitudinous Highway of thoughts...He smokes from the vine

He is aging
He is becoming weaker
He is losing Hope
Using all the strength he has left
Not to lose the Mustard Seed of Faith
that he still has left.
A Double Minded man he remains
Wavering backwards and Forward
And Backwards again.
His Soul sings unto the Lord
"Pass me not Oh Gentle Savior
hear my Humble.. my humble cry"
Surrounded by Fallen Angels
Being thrown from one to the next
as they mock and laugh at him
Taking joy in his torture...
Overwhelmed by a Multitudinous Highway of thoughts...He Double fists Cocktails

Confusion,Denial,Abuse,Addiction,Failure,Regret,Suicide,Rage,Hurt,Rejection
Consume his Mind.
As he staggers through the woods In the middle of the night
Coked up out of his mind
He says aloud in the Darkness
"Lord Forgive me, Help me, I don't know what i'm doing?"
He finds his way home
jeans covered in Mudd
Heart racing From the Uncut.
In his dellusional state
A fallen angel whispers in his ear
"Smoke from this Glass Pipe or the Pain will drive you insane."
Crystal meth-am-phetamized
He Circles the Drain
holding on to the edges
as the waste washes down around him.
Overwhelmed by a Multitudinous Highway of thoughts...He Falls to his Knees

Empty
No direction
No Plan
No more ideas to Numb the Pain
He is still
Silently waiting for a Voice of Reason.
He hears a Diminutive whisper
"I love You!"
Unable to Love himself he is confused.
"Get up!"
Fighting with guilt and shame he lifts up his hands
"I Love you!"
Inundated with emotion as Yeshua tries to chisel away the black sheet of ice over his heart
He drops to the ground
face down
Tears consummating a puddle on the ground around his face.
Overwhelmed by a Multitudinous Highway of thoughts...He opens his heart and lets Love in

At the lowest in his Valley
of his own shadow
of Death
He is broken down
Layer by layer.
Years have gone by
he has build up a Shield of Protection
built to Destroy him.

He is a Man
He is a Son
He is a Brother
He is an Uncle
He is a Grandson
He is a Nephew
He is a Friend
He is...
Overwhelmed by a Multitudinous Highway of thoughts...He is being Redeemed.





By J.Romero


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#341281 - 10/01/10 06:14 PM Re: Original Poem by Me [Re: John2881]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 849
Loc: Kc,Mo
very deep can relate to on so many levels
great poem filled with lost emotion searching for answers
keep searching you will find them

_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#341299 - 10/02/10 03:19 AM Re: Original Poem by Me [Re: nltsaved]
looking2heal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/15/10
Posts: 100
Loc: pa
wow!!! this is really great ....been to some of those depths and its so hard to walk thru it but ive learn that it brings out great writing it really spoke to me

_________________________
taking the steps to healing inside

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#341382 - 10/04/10 12:14 AM Re: Original Poem by Me [Re: looking2heal]
hannah7 Offline


Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 30
Awesome. I have tears in my eyes. Keep writing out your pain. It helps.

_________________________
And again and again Jesus said: It is I, I that you love, I that you enjoy, I that you serve. It is I that you long for, I that you desire, I that you mean. It is I that am enough for you. (Julian of Norwich)

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#342065 - 10/13/10 10:34 PM Re: Original Poem by Me [Re: hannah7]
cpt. confusion Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/04
Posts: 159
Loc: midwest
wow. i'm speechless.

its amazing how powerful words can be when strung together this way.

it is evident your pain is strong, but its left you with a gift-i hope that you continue to hone it. for now, thank you for sharing it with us.

-cpt.

_________________________
"Look at every path closely and deliberately, then ask ourselves this crucial question: Does this path have a heart? If it does, then the path is good. If it doesn't, it is of no use."
-Carlos Castaneda

*WoR Alum
Sequoia I-March '11
Alta II, September '11

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