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#336260 - 07/18/10 10:24 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: Alchemist]
SirVivor Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/08/10
Posts: 23
Loc: CA
Hello Brothers,

I write this to you on a summer's Sunday morning. It's beautiful right now but this whole week hasn't been emotionally, and I've found my self wrestling with the same concerns mentioned here. What it felt like to me was that I loved Jesus but he didn't love me. But then I realized, I was looking at it from the World's institutional perspective. But where is the "Good News" I keep hearing about?

I am a Universalist. I believe we can all learn from each other. How does that old story go? Something like this; "I was complaining to God about this, that, and the other and I asked why He/She would not send some-one to fix it... He/She said, "I did send some one, YOU!"

Some here have said that we are born broken, sinners, and I respect that. I believe that we are all children of God and that Jesus was trying to teach us how to realize that. That's the "Good News" to me.

Bless You All


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#336261 - 07/18/10 11:20 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: pufferfish]
InsideTheWall Offline


Registered: 01/10/09
Posts: 280
Originally Posted By: pufferfish
I do.

I read the Book of Eli daily (see the movie to understand why I say that). And I try to listen to and follow the voice I'm hearing.

Allen

pufferfish

I've seen that movie and liked it. Personally though, I prefer The Wall and listen to it almost every day.


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#336299 - 07/18/10 07:57 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: InsideTheWall]
pufferfish Online   embarrased
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6846
Loc: USA
Thank you,

I've never seen it. I'll put it in my Netflix list.

Allen

pufferfish


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#336305 - 07/18/10 09:10 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: pufferfish]
InsideTheWall Offline


Registered: 01/10/09
Posts: 280
Wait! I'm almost regretting saying anything. I was referring to the album, not the movie. You don't want to watch the movie until you're already familiar with the album it came from. The images you'll find in the film, which is more of a feature length rock video than a movie, are very dark. It can be very uplifting if you understand the underlying themes of societal isolation, hope, and the idea that one is never truly alone.

But if you don't understand it will come across to you as depressing at best. The movie is too brutal to serve as a good introduction. Buy the album, don't watch the film.

Sorry for thread jack. It ends now.



Edited by InsideTheWall (07/18/10 09:20 PM)

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#336314 - 07/18/10 11:25 PM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: InsideTheWall]
westsidej Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/04/09
Posts: 148
Loc: Minnesota
Greetings my brothers. How's everyone's summer so far? Sorry that I haven't been online much.

Great posts so far on both the religious/atheist points of view.

Here's where I come down. I was raised by a non-practicing Jewish mother and agnostic father, at best who also had Jewish heritage.

I was circumcised, ate Matzoh crackers, some other Kosher foods but that was about it insofar as my faith was concerned. I went to Catholic church with my friends simply due to peer pressure.

During and after my years of molestation, I started to look for a faith but could never find a Christian religion or denomination that felt right to me and answered my questions about G-d and what happened to me.

Several girlfriends tried to get me to attend their churches and I did but didn't feel right or my faith affirmed by their doctrine or deacons. The trinity never made sense to me and I have always rejected the council of Nicea.

I ended up marrying a Unitarian Universalist but don't agree w/ much of their belief system, save the Judeo-Christian part that they have as part of their faith. The only reason I go to the UU church sometimes is that you can't have children w/ parents of two different faiths or odds are they will end up with no faith at all. Luckily, there's plenty of Jewish thought and wisdom in the UU "religion."

Finally, after soul searching and finally dealing with my CSA by getting into therapy, I have found my way back to Judaism, the religion of my ancestors on both sides of the family.

I've joined a local synagogue's intro to Judaism courses since I have to become a Jew, even though I have grandparent's on both sides who are Jewish. I'm been reading books and downloading podcasts on Judaism & Jewish life.

So, to come full circle and answer the question, my parent's poor job at both protecting me from predators (and even knew about a couple of my abusers) and providing me with spiritual guidance resulted in years of soul searching and finding out what my faith and belief system really it.

The CSA didn't really shake my faith in the almighty since that was already taken care of for the most part by my parents.

Thank G-d, I returned to the religion that suited me the entire time, Judaism.


Take care my brothers and have a fantastic rest of the summer.

Jay


_________________________
My CSA story TRIGGERS!!!!

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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#336520 - 07/22/10 01:13 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: westsidej]
CruxFidelis Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
I've always believed in God.

I was born into a strict Jewish family, learned the Torah, had my Bar Mitzvah and all that. My wife & I started dating in high school and they weren't so keen on me dating a non-Jewish girl, and in my late adolescence I wasn't such a good Jew... that was OK, because my wife was a lapsed Catholic with no attachment to religion. Eventually, she had a conversion. I saw how prayer made her feel safe. She is a survivor of sexual abuse and before she started praying again, I was the only person who could make her feel safe, but when she had flashbacks and she started asking Jesus to be with her and keep her safe, it gave her a feeling of peace. I saw firsthand how getting back into her Catholic faith helped her heal from the sexual abuse in her life. When she had a PTSD episode and asked me to pray with her, I did. I found myself saying the Rosary even though no one had taught me to say it. I wanted to experience the security she felt. I wanted the peace inside me too. Eventually, I decided to convert to Catholicism. I twasn't the easiest choice... my family was not so happy. But I did it nonetheless.

God is the glue that holds me & my family together, and I don't think any amount of suffering can change that

_________________________
“If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.”

- Saint John of the Cross

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#336523 - 07/22/10 01:59 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: CruxFidelis]
calv Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/27/10
Posts: 45
Loc: seattle
Thats a great story! God works... in mysterious ways.
I was told what to belive and how to feel growing up.
We read the Bible after every meal and prayed b4 and after the meal.
A strict dutch reformed community w a christian school.

I always knew God was real and I did love the Bible stories.
I remember Him as a very young child BUT...
i could not understand how such awful stuff could happen to me...

It has been a long journey with me and God. He can be found in almost any place!
Follow your heart and seek him I think you will find him exact where you need him.
We don't always get along...
And religion confuses me.
Ive gone thru a few "church sects" and met many other "people of faith" Ive come to respect others choices and I don't debate theology. There is just so much I don't know! If it is working for you it is no one eles's bizness...
You may find that your past will help you in the future together, There is just something about connecting with God and if you get that than your in a good place. You never know where the road will lead you.
Family is Family... but your WIFE is your WIFE ! You belong together!?

I like your glue!

_________________________
“When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something’s suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful.” Barbara Bloom

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#336535 - 07/22/10 11:41 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: CruxFidelis]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1123
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
Originally Posted By: CruxFidelis
I've always believed in God.

I was born into a strict Jewish family, learned the Torah, had my Bar Mitzvah and all that. My wife & I started dating in high school and they weren't so keen on me dating a non-Jewish girl, and in my late adolescence I wasn't such a good Jew... that was OK, because my wife was a lapsed Catholic with no attachment to religion. Eventually, she had a conversion. I saw how prayer made her feel safe. She is a survivor of sexual abuse and before she started praying again, I was the only person who could make her feel safe, but when she had flashbacks and she started asking Jesus to be with her and keep her safe, it gave her a feeling of peace. I saw firsthand how getting back into her Catholic faith helped her heal from the sexual abuse in her life. When she had a PTSD episode and asked me to pray with her, I did. I found myself saying the Rosary even though no one had taught me to say it. I wanted to experience the security she felt. I wanted the peace inside me too. Eventually, I decided to convert to Catholicism. I twasn't the easiest choice... my family was not so happy. But I did it nonetheless.

God is the glue that holds me & my family together, and I don't think any amount of suffering can change that


That is an inspiring story. Thanks for sharing!

I was an agnostic/atheist most of my teen/adult life. Then I married a Catholic, and saw (as you did) first hand how her Faith helped carry her through tragedy.

She was diagnosed with breast cancer 8 years ago, and never wavered in her Faith. She is now (thankfully) in remission.

I joined the church in 2003.

smile

Jim

_________________________
Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

My Story

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#336611 - 07/23/10 10:46 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: MusicMan]
captainobvious Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 18
Loc: Oregon
Hi MusicMan,

At the most recent Weekend of Recovery in Canada I let go of a big chunk of my anger towards one of my perpetrators, my Dad, through a human sculpting activity that we did. I learned that I can hate and despise the part of my Dad that abused me and love the part that took me fishing and camping and taught me how to fish, garden, work and to use tools. Through that separation of good and evil came forgiveness.

If you haven't already, or even if you have, I would recommend attending a weekend of recovery. It was a totally awesome time and there will be others there that you can discuss forgiveness with.

_________________________
A little bit of nonsense (or play) now and then is relished by the wisest men!

CaptainObvious

WoR Kempenfelt July 2010, Sequoia March 2011

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#336615 - 07/23/10 11:10 AM Re: Wh among you still believes in God? [Re: Jim1961]
captainobvious Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 18
Loc: Oregon
I still believe in God. What has really helped me is to remember that I John says that God IS love and that John 3:16 says the "God so LOVED the world, that he GAVE his Son..." I realized that God loves me for who I am, not because I earned it or needed to do something, but because he loves all of us unconditionally! It is that unconditional love that I have been looking for all my life.

I was raised fundamentalist in a Baptist church. My dad and mom were my abusers and my Dad was a deacon in the church, so that has given me a real disgust for hyprocrisy!

Shortly before getting married I left fundamentalism and my future bride left it to. For most our married life we have been Lutheran, but that recently hasn't been doing the trick. I didn't feel like I could be authentic at church. I felt like I had to put on a happy face and I wasn't really sure if I would be accepted if people there knew about the abuse.

Recently I have been attending an Orthodox church, which is way different than either Catholicism or Prodestantism. The first time I attended the priest's wife, who knew about my abuse, told me that the church is a hospital. That is something I totally believe. I feel very supported at this church but I am taking things very slow. Just enjoying the services and the lunch they have every Sunday after the service. Orthodoxism aligns much more closely theologically with where I have been headed for a long time, but I don't agree with all of the doctrine.

My faith in God as always been there and has sustained me through many difficult times. I believe that in His love for us God gave us freedom of choice, and sometimes people make horrible choices, like abusing others, but God is not responsible for those choices, the abusers are!

_________________________
A little bit of nonsense (or play) now and then is relished by the wisest men!

CaptainObvious

WoR Kempenfelt July 2010, Sequoia March 2011

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