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#341317 - 10/02/10 02:00 PM OPRAH SHOW
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 854
Loc: Kc,Mo
just called and it is official i will be flying out Oct 19 and taping the show Oct 20th . this is so cool i can not wait to find out . they are still trying to figure out how it all will go down. i am just excited to get this problem out in the open and it does not get any bigger than Oprah

please pray for God's will to be done and for every one involved to stay humble

thanks for all of your support here at MS i could have never made it this fare without you Guys even if you guys are not there you should no that i am only in this position because of the courage that surrounds this place !!!!!!

_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#341318 - 10/02/10 02:15 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: nltsaved]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
My best wishes for you in this - very glad you are chosen.


Daryl

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#341319 - 10/02/10 02:23 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: prisonerID]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
NLT

That's tremendous.

I look forward to watching it. I hope we hear of the airing date soon.

Allen

pufferfish whistle




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#341346 - 10/03/10 12:57 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: pufferfish]
EvanCan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/09/10
Posts: 170
Very cool. Very.
You will be (you are!) an excellent spokesman.

_________________________
Hope Springs 2010 WoR Alumnus
"I'm here, and I'm on the mend."


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#341370 - 10/03/10 07:18 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: EvanCan]
rewiringed Offline


Registered: 04/28/10
Posts: 34
NLT,
I'm happy for you, man! Great!
Ed


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#341423 - 10/04/10 05:10 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: rewiringed]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
I'll be there also, NLT, I hope to meet you. ...

I'm excited

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

Top
#341426 - 10/04/10 08:15 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: LandOfShadow]
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
I will be there as well along with my partner. See you in Chicago!

I'm excited and nervous... and boy does this kick up some emotions! Just trying to make sure I take care of myself.

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#341448 - 10/05/10 12:58 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: MrDon]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
So the list includes:

NLT
LandofShadow
Don

Is Silly going?
Anybody else?

Good going guys!

Allen



Edited by pufferfish (10/05/10 12:59 AM)

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#341451 - 10/05/10 01:16 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: pufferfish]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 854
Loc: Kc,Mo
i am curious who else is going myself




Edited by nltsaved (10/05/10 01:17 AM)
_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

Top
#341473 - 10/05/10 11:32 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: nltsaved]
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
I'll be there!

so far:

NLT
LandofShadow
Don
Curtis




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#341480 - 10/05/10 01:37 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Curtis St. John]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5780
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
You guys who are going....

Great news.

Don't forget to plug MS if you have a chance to speak.

Maybe having some literature you can pass out to the other guys in the audience? That would be real helpful to get the word out.

Weekends of recovery info as well!


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#341510 - 10/06/10 12:48 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
EHFAR Offline


Registered: 10/06/10
Posts: 3
Loc: Florida, U.S.A.
HI everyone!

My name is Brian, I just signed up and am new to this group. I've been apart of RAINN's speakers bureau since its begining.

I to am excited and refuse to lie in saying that i'm also just as nervous but will also be attending the Oprah show on the 19/20 of October. I just got the flight info the other day. I look forward to possibly getting the chance to meet some of you then and look forward to communicating with you all in the future. I really am glad I found this new site.

Take care everyone!
Brian

_________________________
"Never let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game."


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#341536 - 10/06/10 10:15 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: EHFAR]
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Hope we can all connect at some point.



Edited by MrDon (10/18/10 09:15 PM)
_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

Top
#341649 - 10/07/10 01:18 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: MrDon]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11140
Loc: Denver, CO
Does anyone have the actual date the show will air?

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#341651 - 10/07/10 01:35 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: FormerTexan]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 854
Loc: Kc,Mo
they have not said anything about it
they have not even figured out excactly what direction the show will go either as fare as i no.


i think they are keeping it kinda silent until we arrive
i understand why

_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#341657 - 10/07/10 02:58 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: nltsaved]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
My sense, as odd as it might seem to us, is that they put these shows together to the final cut very quickly in a few days on the fly. It must just quickly fall into place for them typically.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

Top
#341659 - 10/07/10 03:55 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: LandOfShadow]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: LandOfShadow
My sense, as odd as it might seem to us, is that they put these shows together to the final cut very quickly in a few days on the fly. It must just quickly fall into place for them typically.


Yes, but they are highly skilled at this. You are already selected, so they know that you can do it. They will probably coach you and go over the plan with you and you will rehearse. It looks to me like they give the women who appear on the show a hair-do and facial makeup. I don't know what they do for guys. Get a nice suit or sport jacket. Wear a tie and a neat looking shirt. But my advice is to be thinking of what you will say in advance. My wife was a speech and debate coach. She was good at it. She told me how to rehearse what I would say in my oral exams, etc. Prepare your words in advance so you won't have to stumble for words.

Following is my guess as to what will happen: You will all be seated together on production stools in a line on the stage. There will be cameras and lights and an audience staring you in the face. Prepare yourself so you won't be dazzled. Oprah will be seated to your left. She will explain to the audience what's going on in several minutes. She is amazingly effective. She knows the pain of abuse and so she will be sensitive. She will probably give each of you 1 or 2 minutes to introduce yourselves. This will include your name and where you are from and what you do. Don't be embarrassed if you are unemployed. That will be part of your "story". Then Oprah will talk several more minutes to sum up and prepare for the next round of your statements. Each of you will be given several minutes to tell your story of abuse. Be prepared to tell your story in a short period of time like that. You cannot hem and haw. You must practice beforehand to be effective. Write out your statements and memorize them. Say your story to a friend. Be prepared and it will help you not be stunned (remember the deer caught in the headlights of a car?).

Oprah will ask each person several questions relating to your story. She will be direct but she will be very sensitive to not embarrassing you. Give direct answers if you can. She will want to know the nature of the abuse then and how it affects your life now. They may ask about your perp. Be prepared to describe the perp in a few words without giving any names. What is the perp doing now? Etc. etc. Then they will have a commercial break.

Then they will come back and she will re-summarize what's going on. Then they will have more interview-type questions for you. They may ask to show some pictures of where you are from (your childhood home) or something. Or maybe they will show a picture of you as a child. Remember it's a visual medium. The time will go very, very fast.

Allen

pufferfish whistle


Top
#341660 - 10/07/10 04:05 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: pufferfish]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1372
Loc: kansas
well oprah's producer can kiss my fat ass!

would've been nice to at least to have received an email,letter or phone call to say "sorry, we have enough slots filled for our audience at this time.".... something...

BUT OH NO!!! i guess i'm asking waaaay too much...

thanks for nothing except now my thoughts are of feeling like i'm not even worthy enough to receive a rejection notice....

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#341661 - 10/07/10 04:08 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: pufferfish]
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
So out of the 200...300? or so going, have some of you been guaranteed that your story is going to be used?


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#341663 - 10/07/10 05:08 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Obi]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Obi
.....we have enough slots filled for our audience at this time.

thanks for nothing except now my thoughts are of feeling like i'm not even worthy enough to receive a rejection notice....


Obi,

They probably selected for a variety of criteria. They probably want a diversity of types of abuse and effects and ages. If it comes off well, and I hope it does, they'll have another one. Oprah is pushing this subject (fortunately). Maybe you'll be selected for the next batch.

Allen

pufferfish




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#341665 - 10/07/10 05:13 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: pufferfish]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1372
Loc: kansas
don't think so allen... this is it for oprah.. last season.... which doesn't matter to me anyway.. i hardly ever watched her show...

yes, i would've liked to have been picked to at least sit in the audience...

BUT IT WOULD'VE BEEN NICE TO AT LEAST HAVE RECEIVED SOME NOTICE SAYING THAT THEY'VE FILLED THE SLOTS!

i hope that the people that do go get the message out...

sorry... i'm in a very very dark place right now.

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

Top
#341670 - 10/07/10 05:57 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Obi]
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL


Whatever needs to happen, will happen. I'm confidant of that.

Don



Edited by MrDon (10/18/10 09:16 PM)
_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

Top
#341692 - 10/08/10 02:28 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Curtis St. John]
Steve Augustine Offline


Registered: 10/06/10
Posts: 7
Loc: Florida, U.S.A.
I'm not sure if there going to be focusing on a select few for the whole episode. I had read online that the one of the original ideas (not that this will be it) was to have it as a large open type forum with everyones participation.

When I was interviewed on the phone the last thing I was asked was if I'd be willing to share my story on the show? I said yes. I guess it maybe depends on how many people are actually going. There supposed to let us know as the date gets closer. I'm trying not to be so anxious.

_________________________
"The only time you run out of chances is when you stop taking them."


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#341711 - 10/08/10 10:34 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Steve Augustine]
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
Quote:
When I was interviewed on the phone the last thing I was asked was if I'd be willing to share my story on the show?

That's exactly as it went for me. I'm fine either way if they use my story or not; I just want to be mentally prepared for one or the other and was curious if others were told their story was actually scheduled because that would give me a clue.

As Obi has pointed out, this sort of thing does hold the potential to be disappointing and can stir up feelings of victimization (I’m so, so sorry Obi.. I know exactly how this feels first hand). We have to remember that first and foremost, Oprah is a business out to make money and you have to be prepared that although they care about us, our emotions are not their top priority…

I was called to be on the Montel Show once. They drove me to the city to film some video clips the day before the taping, and like Oprah’s folks, they said up front that they weren’t sure they would actually use my story and that I’d most likely be in the audience.

Well while I’m standing on the train platform waiting to head into the city, I got a call that they’d not only use my story but that I’d now be on stage. When I got to the studio, other guests were taken upstairs however I was just sitting in the lobby. Eventually they brought me upstairs after I inquired and they put some makeup on me and had me wait.

I sat in the audience and the producer came to me and said they would be using my story but I won’t be on stage… in the end they didn’t use my story at all and they ushered the audience out onto 5th Ave with a hat and a t-shirt as a parting gift… and me in full makeup… I was able to make my way around to the front of the building and talk my way back inside so I could wash the makeup off. That one was tough to handle.

I’m very sure that won’t happen here but the point is you have to be ready for anything and nothing is a done deal till it actually airs. And they may tape things that feature some of us and then not use it. I had a segment in Boyhood Shadows about female offenders which I thought was very powerful. It was on the DVD they sent but when I flew to the premiere in California I found myself sitting in the audience wondering where that particular segment went…

My point is not to bring anyone down, I would just rather we prepare for the minimum but still hope for the best experience we can have. And in the end, what this is about , is getting the word out that we are here… we exist, we are real… the pain is real… and we will be heard as a group if not each of us individually.

Cheers!




Top
#341718 - 10/08/10 11:06 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Curtis St. John]
tartugas Offline
Board Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
I am flying out as well for the taping, and I know about as much as everyone else does. We fly out the 19th, tape the morning of the 20th, and fly home after. They also sent out an email asking for photos of participants from around the time of our abuse. I am choosing not to send one because I do not want the focus to be the sad child I was, but the proud survivor I am today.

We should make plans for dinner the evening of the 19th. Is there anyone here who is more familiar with Chicago than I am who can make some restaurant recommendations?

Chris

_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

Top
#341734 - 10/08/10 03:55 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: tartugas]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Since there is so much mystery about all this, we'll have to call it Phantom of the Oprah smile laugh


Top
#341735 - 10/08/10 04:09 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: tartugas]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Obi, if you feel that strongly, call them up! It's clear they have been swamped talking to some 200 guys at length. There's probably still time. Very likely they lost, misplaced or got confused with your information.

Restaurants: A chicago friend recommends Xoco, http://www.rickbayless.com/restaurants/xoco.html

Allan

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

Top
#341829 - 10/10/10 01:49 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: LandOfShadow]
Donald D'Haene Offline
Member

Registered: 04/11/04
Posts: 68
Loc: London
I too am going...hi from Canada...looking forward to meeting you all who are going in Chicago...this is going to be something else. I haven't been on here for years...you know how life goes...4 jobs, buying a house, blah blah blah....I am working on a one-man play based on my story with a playwright who was nominated for a Governor General Award. Hope we can do dinner in Chicago!
Donald
fatherstouch.com


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#341833 - 10/10/10 05:06 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Donald D'Haene]
Regs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/03/08
Posts: 149
Loc: Oklahoma
Hi Guys,

I will be there too and I look forward to meeting many of you face to face.

No matter how this ends up, it should be a good opportunity to offer hope and courage to the many that have not started their recovery journey. It was from men like you that I borrowed courage in order to take the first shaky steps. It is wonderful to be in a position to give back.

_________________________
WoR Sequoia Alumni, April 2010

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#341835 - 10/10/10 05:23 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Regs]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
This will be exciting.

Someone said they didn't want to bring a childhood pix. Please rethink. It would really add to your statement.

Allen

pufferfish whistle


Top
#341865 - 10/11/10 02:18 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: pufferfish]
hopeandtry Offline


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 476
When is this going to actually air on Oprah? Have they told you guys yet?


Top
#341873 - 10/11/10 08:44 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: hopeandtry]
Donald D'Haene Offline
Member

Registered: 04/11/04
Posts: 68
Loc: London
No they don't have an air date yet.

_________________________
Donald D'Haene
http://www.fatherstouch.com

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#341899 - 10/11/10 05:40 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Donald D'Haene]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Air date:

Taping Possibly Oct. 20, showing next day


Allen

pufferfish whistle





Edited by pufferfish (10/11/10 09:15 PM)

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#341902 - 10/11/10 07:07 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: pufferfish]
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
.



Edited by MrDon (10/18/10 09:17 PM)
_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

Top
#341908 - 10/11/10 09:14 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: MrDon]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: MrDon
As far as I'm aware, the taping is on Oct 20. I doubt the show airs on the same day. It is possible I guess but that's not what the original message said that I got. They would most likely need time to edit because I don't think most of her shows on live (live as in they air as they take place). I could be wrong of course and might just be talking air.


Let's go with your information because I haven't heard anything officially. I am not one of those who is participating.

Allen





Edited by pufferfish (10/11/10 09:27 PM)

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#341915 - 10/11/10 10:48 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: pufferfish]
tartugas Offline
Board Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
The taping is slated to occure the morning of the 20th. We will be told at some point (but I don't know when) when the show will air. I would not expect to see it air for a little while yet.

_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

Top
#341921 - 10/12/10 02:44 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: nltsaved]
MellowJoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/14/08
Posts: 7
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
Hello. This is Joe from Los Angeles. Just want you all to know that I will be at the Oprah show. I'm excited, anxious, nervous, happy, eager and curious and a whole bunch of other feelings/emotions about it all. I’m looking forward to seeing a lot of familiar faces. See you all then.

_________________________
Where your attention goes, your energy flows.

Sequoia & Dahlonega 2009; Alta 2009, 2010 & 2011; MS Conference 2010 & 2012; Oprah 2010; Mike Lew retreat: Kirkridge 2010. Joining Forces. Facilitator of Los Angeles Male Survivor peer-to-peer support group.

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#341971 - 10/12/10 11:15 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: nltsaved]
Danbuff Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 249
Loc: NY state
Hey guys,
I will also be there. I already feel honored and empowered no matter what. I have no idea whether I'll be interviewed or how it goes down. I just know I want and need to do this.

If anyone worries they won't be strong enough to do it; just remember how strong you are for surviving!

_________________________
When you stumble, make it part of the dance.

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#341972 - 10/12/10 11:22 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Danbuff]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
I wish all of you that are going strength, courage, and love.

Thanks for being so vulnerable and telling your story.

A

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#341976 - 10/13/10 01:02 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Curtis St. John]
yankee07 Offline


Registered: 04/08/10
Posts: 5
Loc: fairfield county,ct
I will be also attending the Oprah show, can't wait to meet so many survivors in one place.I was told we would given food vouchers at the hotel for all meals. I was also told wear a jacket and tie, no white shirts allowed. They reflect the light badly. I have had about 10-12 emails with four different producers and four phone calls so far. I have communicated with all three of the leading authorities and they all stated that they had little involvement with the show, but offered there services, they tried. I do find that a little disappointing. I know the original format was going to be that Oprah would have a few Hollywood types as her guests, if she could persuade them to come out. If that didn't happen she would use us suvivors. It's still probably up in the air. See you all there


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#342004 - 10/13/10 12:02 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: yankee07]
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL

Remember take care of yourselves. I'm trying to remember to acknowledge the emotions coming up and honoring them, knowing they do not have power over me - I have power over them!

Hoping that the weather is somewhat warm up there to as those of us from warmer areas aren't used to that cold. At one time I was used to it, but I've lived in Florida way too long now! smile

Don



Edited by MrDon (10/18/10 09:18 PM)
_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#342007 - 10/13/10 12:40 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: MrDon]
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
Hey Guys,

I'm trying to remember how long it took Montel to air after taping... I want to say a couple of weeks but I can't be sure, I can tell you it takes some time.

I also wanted to remind you to please be aware of your feelings, and be prepared for ups and downs. We will be associating this experience with our abuse since it will be at the forefront of our mind and our reason for being there. By default, it will be easy to feel victimized for things that normally would not set us off... late flights, luggage problems, etc... We may find ourselves just being anxious because we're feeling vulnerable in a strange place. Angry for "no apparent reason"... If that happens (and I can't see coordinating the travel of 200 as going completely flawless) try to be able to take a step back and say, "Oh yeah, that's right, this is normal." Give yourself a break and take a breath.

And you also have to remember we may make this big emotional commitment for this important event and maybe not everyone will get face time on camera, they may not use our story... or maybe they will and all of a sudden we may find ourselves going, "WhatdidIdoWhatdidIdoWhatdidIdo..." And that's normal too.

If one guy out there, jobless, depressed, low self worth... finally finds out he's not alone... then some frustration is worth it, no?

cheers!


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#342022 - 10/13/10 03:10 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Curtis St. John]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3379
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
just posting this here as a curiosity question...

am wondering if anyone else here has tried to get on the show and heard nothing back... - am wondering if there is any common thread as to why not... are they ones like me who have not ever reported their abuse? Never prosecuted? ect...

not trying to judge... can understand that they may not want to take the chance of slander lawsuits, ect... - just a curiosity question...

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#342025 - 10/13/10 03:35 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: TJ jeff]
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
.



Edited by MrDon (10/18/10 09:18 PM)
_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#342037 - 10/13/10 05:52 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: MrDon]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2451
Loc: TEXAS
My, brothers,

Yes, i had also e-mailed them, and never got any kind of an answer.

Then they posted, all the information that we had to give in order to be selected.

For, those of you that have been chosen, remember that you speak for all of those silent voices that are still in hiding, in shame, guilt & pain.
Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#342045 - 10/13/10 07:11 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: petercorbett]
tartugas Offline
Board Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
Thanks Curtis for sharing what you did. I've been already going through a roller coaster emotionally and even though I've been telling myself all the same things you mentioned, it helps to see it shared here.

Part of me really hopes that I might be interviewed, and then again another part of me knows that simply coming out an being in the audience is itself a tremendously powerful and positive thing.


I think there are many details that are unknown at this point, even to the producers themselves, and that's ok. As someone who also works in the entertainment industry, I know that things sometimes can and will change, sometimes unexpectedly, and that that is perfectly ok. Try as much as possible to go with the flow and take a step back and breathe.

Chris

_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

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#342047 - 10/13/10 07:38 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: tartugas]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 825
Loc: Ohio
I appreciate every one of you who is going. I for one am willing but not ready. I still need to talk about it with my mother. She has never asked me what my uncle did to me and my brother. We have never directly discussed it in 34 years. I am not quite at the point that I can discuss it without hurting her. Having it announced on a national talk show without discussing it with her is definitely not helpful. Just remember we are a band of brothers and those of us not with you physically are with you in spirit. The more of us who can realize that we are not alone and what was done is not right, the better. The power of the abuse is in the secrets.

_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

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#342049 - 10/13/10 08:40 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: catfish86]
Jrrybar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/08/10
Posts: 10
Loc: Illinois
Hey Guys!

Just got a call yesterday and I am heading up to Chicago next Tuesday night for the taping the next day!

LANDOFSHADOW had a GREAT idea of meeting for dinner! Please, let's meet! I would LOVE to connect with all of you who are availble! The restaurant that was suggested looks GREAT to me!

http://www.rickbayless.com/restaurants/xoco.html

_________________________
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Follow my blog at:
survivorofmen.wordpress.com

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#342051 - 10/13/10 08:51 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Jrrybar]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
I would like to have a recording of the show.

Do they have it online afterwards? Anybody have the capability of putting it on dvd?

Allen

pufferfish whistle


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#342052 - 10/13/10 08:56 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: pufferfish]
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
I think it would be great to get together. Not sure if that restaurant is close to where we will be staying or not. Hopefully tomorrow, we get more "final" details and arrangements. The flight for Jeff and I is early on Tuesday so we may do some sight seeing or something. He's never been to Chicago and I've been there a few times (not enough to really know my way around). I'm a midwestern farm boy anyway. It would be great to meet up if possible.

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#342061 - 10/13/10 10:08 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: pufferfish]
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
I'm looking forward to being there!

Darrel

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#342067 - 10/13/10 10:57 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Derdlecar]
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
Quote:
I appreciate every one of you who is going. I for one am willing but not ready. I still need to talk about it with my mother. She has never asked me what my uncle did to me and my brother. We have never directly discussed it in 34 years. I am not quite at the point that I can discuss it without hurting her. Having it announced on a national talk show without discussing it with her is definitely not helpful. Just remember we are a band of brothers and those of us not with you physically are with you in spirit. The more of us who can realize that we are not alone and what was done is not right, the better. The power of the abuse is in the secrets.


Yeah, I hear you... the only reason I told my mom was because I was about to testify and I didn't want her to read it in the paper.

She was hurt, upset, and felt guilty, but she got over it and became proud...

The conversation will happen when you are ready and there's no need to rush. One thing I found when working through all this junk was that as survivors we all take glances to the side in order to see how the guy next to us is doing... is he getting better faster? Am I doing it right? Shouldn't I be happier now?

Not soon after that I figured out that recovery is not a competition and I could use my friends as barometers but with the understanding that I was at my own pace and could not rush it any more than I can make flowers grow faster by hooking springs to the sprouts to stretch them out of the ground...

Wherever we are on our journey is where we're going to be and we'll get there when we're supposed to no matter if we're walking or running.

It happens.


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#342082 - 10/14/10 06:12 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Curtis St. John]
Donald D'Haene Offline
Member

Registered: 04/11/04
Posts: 68
Loc: London
Dear Curtis ..what a thoughtful post! So true!

_________________________
Donald D'Haene
http://www.fatherstouch.com

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#342084 - 10/14/10 08:03 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: pufferfish]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
Hey NLT

Thanks for your YouTube video and speaking your truth.

Here is my two cents dealing with the media:

1) Know what you want to and NEED to say.

2) Write down each point simply and powerfully.

3) Memorize those points and make sure you:
-introduce those points upfront,
-repeat those points in the interview using very similar words,
-close by telling Oprah and her audience what you just told them.

Set these as your goals to get your message out and you will finish a winner.

I'll be thinking of you next week.

Godspeed

Jamie

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

“It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#342095 - 10/14/10 09:44 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Mountainous Buck]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Thank you Jamie! I'll do that. I may get time on camera and I've never done that. I've tried to think of what would be most helpful to say. Out of so many issues, I've picked these 3:

The "Why can't you just get over it!?" Try to make people understand why this is so often a life long issue. This is very hard I think to get across to people who may think we are all just making excuses for our failings, whining about some little thing, posing as victims expecting everyone to help us.

The silence. For survivors asking for help, in prevention education for adults, in talking to children about abuse, in the media, ... there is still too much hesitation to talk about this, ask questions, bring it up, learn when you need to from experts. We need to get used to talking about all of this. Everyone.

Prevention. Minnesota is spending $70 million on sex offender treatment/incarceration and StopItNow Minnesota tells me they have NO FUNDING to do any primary prevention work. This is nuts. We are treating the results of abuse and totally ignoring stopping it before it happens, how it is spread, started. We all know how damaging it is, how expensive therapy is ($30,000 and counting here). It can't be undone. It MUST be prevented in the first place. So everyone: learn, speak up, be the solution, not the problem. That means you.

What do you think? They are very open to suggestions like this in my experience. What's the key points to make?

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#342096 - 10/14/10 09:52 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: LandOfShadow]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Ok. On a lighter note.... Please don't wear a tie! I hate wearing ties, hehehe. Sweaters or just open shirts... please? lol

I very much want to meet you guys, especially those who are speaking out and working for survivors.

Allan

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#342103 - 10/14/10 10:24 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Curtis St. John]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Curtis St. John
[quote] Not soon after that I figured out that recovery is not a competition and I could use my friends as barometers but with the understanding that I was at my own pace and could not rush it any more than I can make flowers grow faster by hooking springs to the sprouts to stretch them out of the ground...

Wherever we are on our journey is where we're going to be and we'll get there when we're supposed to no matter if we're walking or running.


Curtis,

Reading your words this morning is so comforting to me. I am in the mode of recovery and too many times I get caught up in watching others and NOT giving my own self credit.

I do what I can. I appreciate you all for going on international TV.

Peace,
A

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#342148 - 10/14/10 08:31 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Avery46]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
The show will be available to view online afterwards.

It will be found at:

http://www.oprah.com/oprah_archive.html

Allen

pufferfish whistle


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#342162 - 10/15/10 12:54 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: pufferfish]
cpt. confusion Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/04
Posts: 159
Loc: midwest
Hey guys, I'm a local chicagoan (well, in the north burbs now), and I had submitted through her website last week with a truncated version on my story, and request to be in the audence, and never heard anything back. my wife also submitted through her site, under "know a man who was SA?" and she never heard anything back. I'm resubmitting it tonight actually, so i'm crossing my fingers b/c I think it would be be great to be a part of this, and an incredible healing opportunity.

Wanted to also let you know that my wife has attended a couple tapings of Oprah, and they usually air the show the following week, depending on scheduling. I'd expect it to be aired sometime during the week of the 25th.

So, whether I'm picked to attend or not, I can try to help make some suggestions for dinner base on what hotel(s) they end up putting you up in. Xoco is AMAZING, but not very group friendly, as it is kinda small, and you should be prepared to wait in line, and they are not open very late either (i think like 7/8:00...). The owner Rick Bayless does has another place right next to Xoco, but it can get pretty expensive.

If you end up staying right near the studio, a good option is FlatTop Grill, Asian make your own stir fry, all you can eat, and some fresh good food... Not sure how many of you have been to Chicago, but its defintely known for the food, and there are PLENTY of good options, no matter where in the city you stay. Again, happy to help find a good place, and maybe meet up for dinner if that'd be alright...

Submitting my request again, so i'll keep ya posted if I hear anything.

-cpt.

_________________________
"Look at every path closely and deliberately, then ask ourselves this crucial question: Does this path have a heart? If it does, then the path is good. If it doesn't, it is of no use."
-Carlos Castaneda

*WoR Alum
Sequoia I-March '11
Alta II, September '11

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#342170 - 10/15/10 07:43 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: cpt. confusion]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Gentlemen who are attending Oprah,

I don't mean this as a downer but I wish to say to everyone who may find themselves with an opportunity to "speak" in some situation...(particularly if they do any kind of pre or post show testimonial/confession kind of thing to be edited later)...while I don't in any way think Oprah would have bad intentions, I think you should be prepared for the fun of being quoted out of context. As a person who is frequently quoted in the media, I know on a small scale with things that are not terribly important how frustrating and helpless it is to have one sentence taken out of context to make someone else's point.

For instance...

If the producers wanted to make the point that many men who have been abused want to have sex with other men...a guy could be stating the during a particularly confused time in his life he " thought he wanted to have sex with men but that has now passed". That statement is easily edited in a montage type presentation to "i wanted to have sex with men" CUT to next guy saying he wanted to have sex with men. That guy is married with children who know about all of this, has friends who know about it, well the abuse at least...but now the viewing public and anyone doing a google search on that person's name who might be led to Oprah's website with that clip on it will only know that their friend, business colleague, baseball coach, whatever "wanted to have sex with men".

I know that may be an extreme case, and you might say Oprah would never do that...well Oprah ain't doing the editing...that's her team and while I'm sure they're nice people too, they have a show and a point to make and your safety isn't at the top of their list I'd say, after all as far as they're concerned, you're there by choice, talking on camera by choice and well, you take your risks, you're an adult. Oprah very well may give final approval, but that wouldn't mean she would know the full story.

In the euphoria to spread the word, help other guys, admit to the world your own story, don't forget the very real dangers and reality of going on national television and entering the public arena, even for that brief Warhol 15 minutes.

Good luck fellas,

Kevin

_________________________
the family
the perp

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#342171 - 10/15/10 08:57 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: sono]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Kevin,
Thanks. That's a huge concern of mine given my current situation. I plan to tell them right up front that "this" and "that" are not helpful myths, attitudes to reinforce and promise me you won't do that here. No guarantees of course. But I think they are aware and don't want to do something that will garner resounding criticism, and I plan to clearly tell them what to avoid. But yes, I feel pretty vulnerable to feeling used for someones agenda. A lot of trust is in this endeavor.

The situation you mention strikes me as almost routine, rather than extreme, don't you think? Though "wanted" is exactly the difficult question. Myself, I was forced into same sex activity before I had any notion of MY sexuality. I laugh, because what I wanted didn't matter AT ALL. That was all I knew.

I am worried about simplistic beliefs like:

Abuse is what makes people gay, or is behind (all) same sex attraction. Or abuse always causes that. Or my being the poster boy for the ex-gay movement.

Or if a guy later has sex, even frequently, with men, then he is gay. Or bisexual. Or can't be trusted to be monogamous, or honest.

It is just a lot more complex that than. And people do learn and heal from abuse.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#342176 - 10/15/10 09:45 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: LandOfShadow]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
While there is the possibility of the producers misquoting or promoting an agenda rather than telling our story, I know that they have sought input and guidance from respected experts in the field of male victimization and recovery. It is my belief that they will handle our message to the world with respect and sensitivity. I think we will be pleased with the final product.

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#342181 - 10/15/10 10:52 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: WalkingSouth]
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
Ya, thanks Kevin, I've been in that exact spot. One reporter "quoted" me once through a "source" which didn't really exist.

It does indeed happen, however my experience with Harpo Productions has been nothing but good and I'm not worried about this one. Although I know we have to keep in mind that they will spin things the way they want in order to make the best show, I feel they are on the same page as us with this and won't take things out of context. But again, you are absolutely right.

O Magazine-Love Among the Ruins, Sexually Abused Men, Is Your Husband One Of Them

Dr. Robin on Oprah Radio - Sexually Abused Men

I think we're going to have a good time with this. We just have to relax, go with the flow, and try to be ready for anything.

OH! I just remembered, one point to remind them of if any of us get the chance is that the biggest myth is if a child is abused they will grow up to be an abuser themselves. 89% do not go on to offend. Is the myths/facts page still around here?... Hang on, I'll go look...

Well only half of em are here so I'll just paste them here from my old files... Take a look and refresh your memory...

Myth #1 - Boys and men can't be victims

This myth, instilled through masculine gender socialization and sometimes referred to as the "macho image," declares that males, even young boys, are not supposed to be victims or even vulnerable. We learn very early that males should be able to protect themselves. In truth, boys are children - weaker and more vulnerable than their perpetrators - who cannot really fight back. Why? The perpetrator has greater size, strength, and knowledge. This power is exercised from a position of authority, using resources such as money or other bribes, or outright threats -whatever advantage can be taken to use a child for sexual purposes.

Myth #2 - Most sexual abuse of boys is perpetrated by homosexual males

Pedophiles who molest boys are not expressing a homosexual orientation any more than pedophiles that molest girls are practicing heterosexual behaviors. While many child molesters have gender and/or age preferences, of those who seek out boys, the vast majority are not homosexual. They are pedophiles.

Myth #3 - If a boy experiences sexual arousal or orgasm from abuse, this means he was a willing participant or enjoyed it.

In reality, males can respond physically to stimulation (get an erection) even in traumatic or painful sexual situations. Therapists who work with sexual offenders know that one way a perpetrator can maintain secrecy is to label the child's sexual response as an indication of his willingness to participate. "You liked it, you wanted it," they'll say. Many survivors feel guilt and shame because they experienced physical arousal while being abused. Physical (and visual or auditory) stimulation is likely to happen in a sexual situation. It does not mean that the child wanted the experience or understood what it meant at the time.

Myth #4 - Boys are less traumatized by the abuse experience than girls.

While some studies have found males to be less negatively affected, more studies show that long-term effects are quite damaging for either sex. Males may be more damaged by society's refusal or reluctance to accept their victimization, and by their resultant belief that they must "tough it out" in silence.

Myth #5 - Boys abused by males are or will become homosexual.

While there are different theories about how the sexual orientation develops, experts in the human sexuality field do not believe that premature sexual experiences play a significant role in late adolescent or adult sexual orientation. It is unlikely that someone can make another person a homosexual or heterosexual. Sexual orientation is a complex issue and there is no single answer or theory that explains why someone identifies himself as homosexual, heterosexual or bi-sexual. Whether perpetrated by older males or females, boys' or girls' premature sexual experiences are damaging in many ways, including confusion about one's sexual identity and orientation. Many boys who have been abused by males erroneously believe that something about them sexually attracts males, and that this may mean they are homosexual or effeminate. Again, not true. Pedophiles who are attracted to boys will admit that the lack of body hair and adult sexual features turns them on. The pedophile's inability to develop and maintain a healthy adult sexual relationship is the problem - not the physical features of a sexually immature boy.

Myth #6 - The "Vampire Syndrome” that is, boys who are sexually abused, like the victims of Count Dracula, go on to "bite" or sexually abuse others.

This myth is especially dangerous because it can create a terrible stigma for the child, that he is destined to become an offender. Boys might be treated as potential perpetrators rather than victims who need help. While it is true that most perpetrators have histories of sexual abuse, it is NOT true that most victims go on to become perpetrators. Research by Jane Gilgun, Judith Becker and John Hunter found a primary difference between perpetrators who were sexually abused and sexually abused males who never perpetrated: non-perpetrators told about the abuse, and were believed and supported by significant people in their lives. Again, the majority of victims do not go on to become adolescent or adult perpetrators; and those who do perpetrate in adolescence usually don't perpetrate as adults if they get help when they are young.

Myth #7 - If the perpetrator is female, the boy or adolescent should consider himself fortunate to have been initiated into heterosexual activity.

In reality, premature or coerced sex, whether by a mother, aunt, older sister, baby-sitter or other female in a position of power over a boy, causes confusion at best, and rage, depression or other problems in more negative circumstances. To be used as a sexual object by a more powerful person, male or female, is always abusive and often damaging.


Ten Facts About Sexual Abuse of Boys and its Aftermath

#1:Up to one out of six men report having had unwanted direct sexual contact with an older person by the age of 16. If we include non-contact sexual behavior, such as someone exposing him- or herself to a child, up to one in four men report boyhood sexual victimization. (1,2)

#2:On average, boys first experience sexual abuse at age 10. The age range at which boys are first abused, however, is from infancy to late adolescence.(1,2)

#3:Boys at greatest risk for sexual abuse are those living with neither or only one parent; those whose parents are separated, divorced, and/or remarried; those whose parents abuse alcohol or are involved in criminal behavior; and those who are disabled. (3)

#4:Boys are most commonly abused by males (between 50 and 75%). However, it is difficult to estimate the extent of abuse by females, since abuse by women is often covert. Also, when a woman initiates sex with a boy he is likely to consider it a "sexual initiation" and deny that it was abusive, even though he may suffer significant trauma from the experience. (1)

#5:A smaller proportion of sexually abused boys than sexually abused girls report sexual abuse to authorities.(3)

#6:Common symptoms for sexually abused men include: guilt, anxiety, depression, interpersonal isolation, shame, low self-esteem, self-destructive behavior, post-traumatic stress reactions, poor body imagery, sleep disturbance, nightmares, anorexia or bulimia, relational and/or sexual dysfunction, and compulsive behavior like alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling, overeating, overspending, and sexual obsession or compulsion. (3, 4)

#7:The vast majority (over 80%) of sexually abused boys never become adult perpetrators, while a majority of perpetrators (up to 80%) were themselves abused. (1)

#8:There is no compelling evidence that sexual abuse fundamentally changes a boy's sexual orientation, but it may lead to confusion about sexual identity and is likely to affect how he relates in intimate situations. (3, 4)

#9:Boys often feel physical sexual arousal during abuse even if they are repulsed by what is happening. (4)

#10:Perpetrators tend to be males who consider themselves heterosexual (5,6) and are most likely to be known but unrelated to the victims.(3)



1. Lisak, D, Hopper, J, Song, P (1996). Factors in the cycle of violence: Gender rigidity and emotional constriction. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 9: 721-743
2. Finkelhor D, Hotaling G, Lewis IA, Smith C. (1990). Sexual abuse in a national survey of adult men and women: Prevalence, characteristics, and risk factors. Child Abuse and Neglect, 19:557-68
3. Holmes, W, Slap, G (1998). Sexual abuse of boys: Definition, prevalence, correlates, sequelae, and management. Journal of the American Medical Association, 280:1855-1862
4. Gartner, RB (1999). Betrayed as Boys: Psychodynamic Treatment of Sexually Abused Men. New York: Guilford Press
5. Groth, AN, Oliveri, F (1989). Understanding sexual abuse behavior and differentiating among sexual abusers. In S. Sgroi (Ed.), Vulnerable Populations, (Vol. 2, pp. 309-327). Lexington, MA: Lexington Books
6. Jenny C, Roesler TA, Poyer KL (1994). Are children at risk for sexual abuse by homosexuals? Pediatrics; 94:41-4



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#342185 - 10/15/10 12:11 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Curtis St. John]
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
I know from watching Oprah over the years that she knows first hand what it means to be a survivor.

It will be nice having familiar faces/names there as well and because the audience will be male survivors, it will feel much more supportive I think.

We will all make it and come out of this stronger than we were before. As a result of that, others that may be searching to find their way through this will see that they aren't alone. Just by being there, it will allow others to see that not only does child sexual abuse of males take place but there is hope and there is healing from it.

My hat is off to each one of us that will be there and I honor the courage in each one of us to do this.

Don



Edited by MrDon (10/16/10 02:00 PM)
_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#342187 - 10/15/10 12:57 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: MrDon]
InsideTheWall Offline


Registered: 01/10/09
Posts: 286
I hope admin are ready for the massive influx of new members this is likely to bring.


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#342188 - 10/15/10 01:13 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: InsideTheWall]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 854
Loc: Kc,Mo
Originally Posted By: InsideTheWall
I hope admin are ready for the massive influx of new members this is likely to bring.


i have been thinking about posting this myself . there will be so many more new member because of this show . great call on this

get ready because it is comming

_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#342191 - 10/15/10 01:36 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: nltsaved]
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Just got the email with all the information. I'm so excited now! Today has been a very good day for me!

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#342193 - 10/15/10 01:58 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: MrDon]
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Does anyone know what the temperature inside Oprah's studio is? Is it on the chilly side or not. I've read things that it is cool but not like many studios.

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#342246 - 10/16/10 01:53 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: MrDon]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Further communication from Harpo Productions regarding the Oprah show. Please be aware of these stipulations as you consider posting here or sharing on other social media.

Quote:
PUBLICITY RULES
The Harpo Publicity department will begin promoting this show one week before the airdate. Until then, the content of the show is embargoed and confidential. However, beginning on October 28, everyone may post to their blogs, websites, social media, etc. if they wish to let people know to "tune in" to "The Oprah Winfrey Show" on ______________ for your episode. We do want to make sure that as many viewers as possible know about the episode so we can help make a difference.

After the show airs on _________, Ms. Winfrey's name, and the show name, may not be used for any marketing, advertising, promotional or PR purpose - things like "as seen on Oprah" or press releases are not allowed.


_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#342286 - 10/16/10 09:35 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Curtis St. John]
youthfulheart62 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/19/07
Posts: 93
Loc: New Jersey(exit3)
I will be there,

Julian
Simpsonwood Ga,Alta UT and Kirkridge P.A


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#342325 - 10/17/10 01:18 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: youthfulheart62]
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Does anyone want to set a time when maybe we could just meet in the hotel restaurant to eat together Tuesday night? If you don't want to post anything public, feel free to message me. I'd love to meet others from here that are going. Maybe there are already plans being made. I'm not sure.

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

Top
#342346 - 10/17/10 06:53 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: MrDon]
Donald D'Haene Offline
Member

Registered: 04/11/04
Posts: 68
Loc: London
I'd love to! I'm traveling solo...never been to Chicago before....happy to make your all acquaintance!

_________________________
Donald D'Haene
http://www.fatherstouch.com

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#342416 - 10/18/10 05:02 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Donald D'Haene]
Steve Augustine Offline


Registered: 10/06/10
Posts: 7
Loc: Florida, U.S.A.
I think that would be great! I've never been to Chicago either and am also coming alone. I think it would be an excellent opportunity to get together. What time would you suggest?

_________________________
"The only time you run out of chances is when you stop taking them."


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#342477 - 10/19/10 08:50 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Steve Augustine]
tartugas Offline
Board Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
Hey all,

Safe travels to those who are headed to Chicago today.

_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

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#342478 - 10/19/10 09:37 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: tartugas]
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
Thanks,

Darrel

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#342479 - 10/19/10 09:39 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Derdlecar]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Yes Thanks! What a deal!

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#342492 - 10/19/10 11:30 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: LandOfShadow]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1372
Loc: kansas
yeah, everyone that's going needs to take a sign that says...

OBI SHOULD BE HERE!!!!

lol.... take care fellas.. hope it goes well.

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#342495 - 10/19/10 12:13 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Obi]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Obi
yeah, everyone that's going needs to take a sign that says...

OBI SHOULD BE HERE!!!!

lol.... take care fellas.. hope it goes well.


And a sign that says:

PUFFERFISH SHOULD BE HERE

Allen


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#342499 - 10/19/10 01:18 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: pufferfish]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Originally Posted By: pufferfish
And a sign that says:

PUFFERFISH SHOULD BE HERE

Allen



Yeah, that too. Wish both of you were going smile

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#342510 - 10/19/10 06:34 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: WalkingSouth]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Hey guys,

I know many of you are there even now. Be safe and in the words of my T, take exquisite care of yourselves both while there and more importantly when you get back home.

With deep love and support,

Kevin

_________________________
the family
the perp

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#342522 - 10/19/10 11:01 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: sono]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5945
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
To My Brothers,

Rejoice, Rejoice, Rejoice. Your courage and love is unstoppable, your example shining against the harsh sun of social stigma.

Powerful.

Remember, as you are not super human, self care, self love, and afternoon naps, Monday - Thursday, wink

Sam

_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#342565 - 10/20/10 05:12 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: SamV]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Today,

Oprah interviewed Tyler Perry about his sexual abuse and physical abuse by his father. I admired his courage and the clarity of the presentation. It was a good presentation. I recommend all of you watch it online if you haven't seen it yet.

http://www.oprah.com/showinfo/First-TV-Interview-Tyler-Perry-Speaks-Out-About-Being-Molested_1

Oprah is building up to the interview with male survivors. She announced it for November 5. She asked to have a wide audience for this. That would be really good. She said that the audience would be full of survivors (from MS and other sources). She said that some of them would come forward to give their story. That will be our guys. Cheers!!!

Allen

pufferfish


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#342597 - 10/21/10 01:16 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: pufferfish]
Silly Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/10
Posts: 140
Loc: Virginia
Stayed tuned as another episode was recorded. She knew quickly that 1 hour wouldnt be enough.

_________________________
http://esdgc.com/links/shaneCSA.html

http://seriouslysilly67.blogspot.com/

The Round Table, Men's Sexual Abuse Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#342625 - 10/21/10 11:46 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Silly]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Silly
Stayed tuned as another episode was recorded. She knew quickly that 1 hour wouldnt be enough.


So cool!! smile

Allen

pufferfish


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#342635 - 10/21/10 01:56 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: pufferfish]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
This one hits very close to home for me:

http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/The-16-Year-Old-Boy-Who-Killed-His-Molester/1

The story with my second perp ran a very similar course and after he molested me in my sleep if FREAKED out at him. Damn, this crap is messed up!

Mike

_________________________
My Story

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#342642 - 10/21/10 02:27 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Barkabus]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3379
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Too all who where there - I applaud you for your bravery - we are trully taking a stand and making a public statement that abused boys/men will not be pushed aside and kept in the darkness anymore - we are standing strong to shed light on something that has been kept in the dark for wayyy too many years - it was an honor to be there with all of you - you could feel the strength in the room - we are SURVIVORS!!!

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#342652 - 10/21/10 02:53 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: TJ jeff]
PSGuy760 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/19/10
Posts: 2
I was an amazing experience to be a part of such a ground breaking show. Being there with Oprah and Tylor Perry was awe inspiring and their speaking out about this horrible epidemic in this country will raise so much awareness. Very powerful!
I want to personally thank everyone who was there with me!
If you were on the show write me at : please contact user via private message

We are truly survivors! Our support for being there will shed light on a dark secret in this country and world and hopefully inspire the change so we can all recover on this difficult journey!
Thanks
Brian





Edited by WalkingSouth (10/21/10 04:20 PM)
Edit Reason: Edited to remove personal contact info.

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#342657 - 10/21/10 03:42 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: PSGuy760]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
This was an awesome experience. I was honored to be in the presence of so many brave men willing to go public to expose this evil!

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#342679 - 10/21/10 08:14 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: sono]
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
The experience was intense!!!

In a good way!

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#342701 - 10/22/10 12:35 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Derdlecar]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Although there are some hurt feelings and some negatives, it seems to me that this production could do more for our cause of being survivors of male child abuse than any other single thing. I didn't apply to go because my voice trembles with emotion and I have been crying easily. I thought I wouldn't do a good job.

But listen, guys. This is potentially a really good thing.

Allen

pufferfish whistle


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#342712 - 10/22/10 02:37 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: pufferfish]
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
on the way home, I was sitting at my gate in O'Hare and one of us came and sat down and said, "Oh cool! We're on the same flight." and we board the plane... he's sitting right behind me. While the guy in front of me is on his cell phone all, "blah, blah, blah, and Oprah decided there had to be two shows, so we were all on the buses at 5:30..."

He hangs up and I say, "The codeword of the day is Oprah." and he whips around and says, "oh,hey!"

That was pretty cool.


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#342715 - 10/22/10 03:54 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Curtis St. John]
john38 Offline


Registered: 10/21/10
Posts: 90
Loc: Pasadena CA
Small world syndrome strikes again!

A new friend I met at the show ended up being on the same flight I was out of Midway Airport. We were gabbing up a storm about the experience and survivor issues in general. Suddenly it occurred to me--wow--we're talking in public about our sexual abuse isses. Other people are definitely hearing us and we're both neither breaking sweats or getting uptight about the fact that others are listening in. Guess doing survivor process work pays off--there wasn't one shame twinge.

Hopefully the show will help others to start speaking up more freely too!

John+

_________________________
Just for today I will treat myself with respect, compassion and acceptance.

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#342717 - 10/22/10 07:27 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: john38]
Donald D'Haene Offline
Member

Registered: 04/11/04
Posts: 68
Loc: London
This experience has been amazing...but imagine what it will be for all those boys and men who watch it; families who don't understand the first thing about what sexual abuse means.
It is a historic episode. It runs during sweeps week. It will be heavily promoted.
Personally I met so many wonderful men - I wish I could have personally talked to you all!
hugs from Canada
Donald

_________________________
Donald D'Haene
http://www.fatherstouch.com

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#342899 - 10/23/10 07:14 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: pufferfish]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
We need so badly to change the concept of male abuse in our culture. Male child abuse is wrongly thought of by the media, the legal profession, just about everybody.

We need to change that. This show may be the biggest step toward changing in a positive direction. Let's hope so.

Allen

pufferfish whistle


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#342920 - 10/24/10 12:41 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: pufferfish]
Donald D'Haene Offline
Member

Registered: 04/11/04
Posts: 68
Loc: London
Hey guys....ever visit Oprah's Message Boards (see link below)..under First TV Interview - Tyler Perry Speaks Out About Being Molested check out #100 ....just goes to show you the power of disclosure and what the two special shows will mean to so many out there!

http://www.oprah.com/community/thread/146200?start=90&tstart=0

_________________________
Donald D'Haene
http://www.fatherstouch.com

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#342942 - 10/24/10 01:27 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Donald D'Haene]
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
I joined up with a community choir and we are rehearsing for a christmas program. So Saturday afternoon I go to rehearsal and I have decided that I'm going to give it a rest and say nothing at all about Oprah or CSA because that is all I've been doing for the last 3 days.

Anyway, after the rehearsal, several of us are standing around flapping our lips and this one lady I've never met before says that next time she goes to Starbucks she is going to buy a particular coffee mug. Now you have to understand that I live in smallville and the nearest Starbucks is over 100 miles away. So from there the conversation turned to when and where we were the last time we had gone to Starbucks and I mentioned that I was at O'Hare in Chicago on Wednesday. So this lady asks me why I was in Chicago.

And there I am talking to a group of people about my history of CSA and my resolve to speak out. One person said that they had watched the show with Tyler Perry and at the end of the show Oprah had said that there was going to be a show where there was going to be several hundred men in the studio audience and they wanted to know if I was part of that group and I confirmed that I was.

For a long time I thought that society didn't care about CSA issues but I am starting to see that they really do. They just feel helpless and have no idea what to do. This group of people I was talking to were eager to learn more and truly wanted to know how they can protect there kids and grandkids.



Edited by Derdlecar (10/24/10 01:30 PM)
Edit Reason: typo
_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#343154 - 10/26/10 12:52 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Derdlecar]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Derdlecar

For a long time I thought that society didn't care about CSA issues but I am starting to see that they really do. They just feel helpless and have no idea what to do. This group of people I was talking to were eager to learn more and truly wanted to know how they can protect there kids and grandkids.


I wish you would say more about this.

Maybe you could even start a new thread on how to talk about CSA issues with people.

Help answer the questions of what do you say first. What kinds of words do you use? How do you build a subject? Etc. Apparently you are able to get across with this and we could all profit from your approach.

Allen

pufferfish


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#343156 - 10/26/10 01:30 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: pufferfish]
yankee07 Offline


Registered: 04/08/10
Posts: 5
Loc: fairfield county,ct
I have been getting the same response for the last month or two when disclosing to total strangers.Getting my pictured enlarged for Oprah, took it to a local co. to enhance it. They asked and I disclosed. I was there half an hour and they did the work for free. Getting a haircut for show, she asked , I disclosed, leaned down and kissed me, told me I was the bravest man she had ever met and disclosed her father molested her sister. I have had 18 men pull me aside in the last five weeks since I disclosed at my regular A.A. meeting that I attend. A half dozen other powerful examples have arisen also. Six months ago my therapist stated she did not think this type of reaction would be possible. Could it be the fear or the unknown or our own insecurities have kept us all paralyzed????"No shame,we gain"


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#343157 - 10/26/10 01:39 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Curtis St. John]
yankee07 Offline


Registered: 04/08/10
Posts: 5
Loc: fairfield county,ct
Curtis, It is a small would. I was very surprised when you said that , thanks, for it gave me a chance to get to know you and your wife. My sister was in Chicago for busines at the same time and had a flight an hour afer me. She ended up sitting next to One of the people on the show and talked the whole flight home. He called me the next day, what a COINCIDENT. She has been very supportive with me. They biggest regret in not being able to network and get to know a lot of you personaly.


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#343158 - 10/26/10 01:41 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: yankee07]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
I too have found an amazing response. During the two hour wait for my flight to Chicago, I struck up a number of conversations with people. When they asked me why I was going to Chicago, I told them. Straight out. With the exception of one person, those I spoke with said this was something important that they never really thought about. EVERYBODY was speechless when I told them an estimated one in six males is abused. Told them there was a high likelihood that several men on the plane had had this happen to them. All promised to record or watch the show and spread the word.

We are the best ambassadors of our story. I don't broadcast it, but I never shy away from talking about it when appropriate.

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#343161 - 10/26/10 02:28 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Tinman]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Yankee and Tinman

Your posts are really exciting. Thank you so much!

Allen

pufferfish


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#343178 - 10/26/10 05:32 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Tinman]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
I have been disclosing for several years now both privately and in talks I give for civic organizations and churches so I am used to that routine. He thing hat has amazed me since last Wed. is that when I have been asked what my purpose in traveling to Chicago was people are much more receptive, attentive, and interested in having the conversation now that it has the Oprah name connected with it. I think the pendulum is finally beginning to swing the other direction and collectively, whether we went or not, have played a major role in the change. Bravo to all of us!!!!!!!

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#343201 - 10/26/10 08:44 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: WalkingSouth]
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
yes John, I have noticed the same thing. People are much more willing to listen. This is a very good thing.

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#343347 - 10/27/10 11:02 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Derdlecar]
Donald D'Haene Offline
Member

Registered: 04/11/04
Posts: 68
Loc: London
Two things: Someone facebooked me that Oprah mentioned the Nov. 5 show again today ...I had it tivo'ed and watched it and sure enough holy plug from Oprah for the special show during her interview with Jane Fonda...and she described her aha moment with the 200 men!

Second: I don't know anyone who isn't going to watch the show in my area..especially after the publicity I'm doing on the experience....below is one local newspaper journalist's plug for the show...what a plug or what? I have written a column that will appear after the 28th (which I will pody once it is printed); I will be interviewed on CBC Radio after that date as well; and on tv interviewed next Thurs the day before the 1st show airs...all timed of course to get the most exposure for the show and in accordance with the Oct 28 or after rule.

I have a weekly appearance on TV here on Thursdays and just this week they had to tape it early (today)..and I said to the producer "absolutely no mention of Oprah..I'll come on next week to talk about it"..so on air (it is LIVE), they go, Donald had a special trip to Chicago but he won't talk about it..until next week...tune in next Thurs...then they kidded me on air because I wouldn't even talk about it off camera before we went on...so of course, this just increases the interest and momentum.


His-story in the making on Oprah show
News
By ERIC BUNNELL


DONALD D'HAENE has unpacked bags from a whirlwind trip to Chicago and "a once in a lifetime experience!"
On Wednesday, Oprah gathered more than 200 men in her audience for the taping of a once-in-a-lifetime show, a discussion of the sexual abuse they suffered as children.
Our Donald says he was honoured to be included.
"It's a historic show," says our Donald, whose journey from victim to victor over his own abuse as a child in east Elgin -- and his message of survivorship -- is documented in his memoir, Father's Touch.The program is to air in two parts, Nov. 5 and 12.
"I didn't speak but I don't care one bit."
Packing for the trip, Donald emailed in advance, "The aim is to address the issues in a way they've never done before.
"Winfrey is passionate about helping the world understand the pain, shame and stigma that goes along with being molested. She also wants to help millions of male victims in this world heal."
*** Donald believes the program will be a success just because it's Oprah.
Here's his take:
"She is going all out with this one..as you know I have been on shows about this or interviewed for 29 years... Oprah is the real deal...she is master of her domain...she is the most real billionaire you can ever imagine! She was with us for 3 1/2 hours between the two shows!
"She listened to people; she was present in the moment...she was an expert. she didn't need cue cards to dialogue, answer, ask..totally committed..we were all so impressed!"
Set the VCR.
Or take some time off !

_________________________
Donald D'Haene
http://www.fatherstouch.com

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#343418 - 10/28/10 02:30 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Donald D'Haene]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
Great Donald!

And everybody, remember the embargo we agreed to ends today so we can now place mention of the shows on blogs, Facebook, etc.

Let's make sure we get the word out!

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#343424 - 10/28/10 04:00 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Tinman]
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
I'm going to be talking to the local newspaper this afternoon, I have no Idea where it will go but my hopes are high.
Darrel

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#343435 - 10/28/10 05:15 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Derdlecar]
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
I've been hard at work today letting everyone know. Plan on starting to talk to local media tomorrow to let them know as well. Whatever I can do, I'm trying my hardest!

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#343437 - 10/28/10 05:33 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: MrDon]
kevinkr Offline


Registered: 10/20/10
Posts: 25
FANTASTIC !!! I was called this morning from the Oshkosh Daily Northwestern, that my press release will run in the paper tomorrow.
Being a Gannett paper, I am hoping all their papers pick it up.
HERE WE GO !!!



Edited by kevinkr (10/28/10 05:35 PM)

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#343448 - 10/28/10 09:03 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: kevinkr]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 854
Loc: Kc,Mo
google
oprah male sexual abuse
the press releases are flowing everywhere

this is great

_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#343454 - 10/28/10 09:55 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: nltsaved]
tartugas Offline
Board Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
If anyone wants to post something about the show on their blog/social media/etc. here is the press release on Oprah's website.

http://www.oprah.com/pressroom/Historic-Discussion-with-200-Men-on-Molestation_1

_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

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#343456 - 10/28/10 10:15 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: tartugas]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
The only objection I have, and it is probably because of legal concerns for Oprah, is that it say "When they say they were abused."

I don't "say" it! I say "J'accuse!"

I understand the show needs to protect itself from possible lawsuits from the assholes who did this to us, but I wish to God they didn't have to.

Seems the victims have more to worry about legally than the perps do. How unfair!

Thank you, Oprah! You are my hero!

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#343458 - 10/28/10 10:26 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Tinman]
tartugas Offline
Board Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
Well Tinman, consider this. How much less powerful is it really for a man to stand up and say, "I was abused as a child?" I think it is really important not to minimize the strength is both required and given to a person who stands up and say this happened to me.

It's easy to hear the phrase, "He says he was abused" in a dismissive way. Don't let other people's attitudes steal from you the importance of what you have done.

_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

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#343466 - 10/28/10 10:58 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Tinman]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Originally Posted By: Tinman
The only objection I have, and it is probably because of legal concerns for Oprah, is that it say "When they say they were abused."

I don't "say" it! I say "J'accuse!"


et je te bien comprends....

Jim

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#343473 - 10/29/10 12:06 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Geeders]
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
The sad reality is that if my brother and I were to take the perpetrator to court that molested us, the only evidence we would have is the fact that my brother John and I say that he abused us.

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#343474 - 10/29/10 12:14 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: tartugas]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Thanks tartagus for the link. It is going on my facebook page.

I am also going to ask my pastor if he would be willing to host a showing of the show at the church.

Donnie

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#343624 - 10/30/10 02:01 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Avery46]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 854
Loc: Kc,Mo
_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#343798 - 10/31/10 10:39 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: nltsaved]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
Well, this sucks!

The Porltand, Or. NBC affiliate, channel 8, may be dropped by Dish Network tonight. This is the channel that Oprah is broadcast on here. I rarely watch broadcast channels so the timing of this is insane.

From http://www.kgw.com/on-tv/KGW-TV-on-DISH-Network-106156524.html
Quote:
KGW-TV on DISH Network

by D.J. WILSON, General Manager, KGW-TV
kgw.com

Posted on October 29, 2010 at 11:30 AM
Updated today at 6:18 PM

Dear valued KGW viewer,

I want you to know that we are in the process of negotiating a program carriage agreement with DISH Network. Unfortunately, despite our best efforts to move forward with DISH, little progress has been made to this point.

In the interest of completing a fair deal and avoiding viewer disruption, KGW has offered an extension to DISH for continued carriage of our programming. If they do not accept our offer to extend, it is possible that KGW-TV will come off the DISH network Sunday, October 31st at midnight. Our hope is that the extra time will allow for additional dialog resulting in a mutually fair agreement.

You can help -- call DISH at 1-877-535-8271 and tell them you want to be able to watch KGW’s local news and receive the station’s up-to-date information during times of severe weather, Oprah, and NBC programming such as the NBC Nightly News, Meet the Press, The Office, Law and Order Los Angeles, and NBC Sunday Night Football.

Stay tuned to KGW and this web site for information. If you have questions, please feel free to contact us at the station by calling 503-226-5000 or emailing me at djwilson@kgw.com.

Respectfully,
DJ Wilson
President and General Manager

/mike


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#343802 - 10/31/10 11:17 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Barkabus]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
Wow, that was quick. OK, so nevermind. smile

From: http://www.kgw.com/on-tv/KGW-TV-on-DISH-Network-106156524.html
Quote:
Belo stations stay on DISH Network

by D.J. WILSON, General Manager, KGW-TV
kgw.com

Posted on October 29, 2010 at 11:30 AM

Updated today at 6:58 PM
Dear valued KGW viewer,

I am happy to report we have reached a tentative agreement with DISH that keeps KGW-TV programming on their system for years to come.

Tentative means we have to hammer out a few details, but I am confident those things can be worked out in short order.

The management of KGW-TV appreciates the calls and emails from viewers providing their viewpoint on this negotiation and especially for the support many of you gave us. While we very much regret the uncertainty this has caused our DISH viewers, our commitment to serving the Portland, Oregon and SW Washington communities remains strong.

Respectfully,
DJ Wilson
President and General Manager

/mike


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#344168 - 11/05/10 12:11 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Barkabus]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
My pastor wanted nothing to do with this. Hmmmmm....

Oh well...

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#344604 - 11/09/10 04:18 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Avery46]
VN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723
Just wished to thank Howard Fradkin, as well as all survivors who went to the show. It is I think a huge step forward in getting more awareness and understanding of this issue.


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#344625 - 11/09/10 06:51 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: nltsaved]
kevinkr Offline


Registered: 10/20/10
Posts: 25
Well, I never dreamed of the coverage I would get in countless papers and TV or the facebook hits I received. So far I have helped several individuals and a family find counseling and found a friend in Florida who wrote a book on Clergy abuse, and SAW my story in Wisconsin! I thank God for the opportunity to be able to attend Oprah, albeit I am extremely drained to this day, and we have ONE day to go yet! I think, with the spread across the country, and Canada, we as the fortunate 200 can make this COUNT and even helping ONE person each, makes the reliving the experience worth it. I, am humbled. (Thank God I still am seeing a great shrink) I need it more than ever now.


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#344646 - 11/09/10 09:28 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: kevinkr]
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
I'll tell you that emotionally this has been a roller coaster and I haven't felt some of these things in a long time. From feeling empowered to anger to anxiety to fear and back again. Some days I feel drained and other days I want to cry. I am using all my tools to make it through this but it is by no means a walk in the park. I have been amazed though at the number of people who have contacted me as a result of this. There are so many out there hurting and it breaks my heart.

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#344672 - 11/10/10 02:54 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: VN]
Mark P Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 17
Loc: Bonney lake, WA
I agree that this was a step forward, but it was a minor step at best. it was the best step that could be taken by the genre it was put to, but we have so much larger steps to take.
On friday, November 12, 2010, partners, spouces, friends of the victims will announce their perspective.

the oprah show will do its forced entertainment focus on things which will draw viewership to the issue, but one thing remains to be focused on and that is how life for us victims really is.

outside of Ethan Develan, has there been any films focused on what it is truely like for a victim??? society needs to see what it is like for a victim of any abuse sexually, to regain life.

our situation effects so many different facets of life, our best opportunity to influence more victims is not to do what Oprah did but to look towards a more realistic portrayal of our situation.

we were abused by brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbors. we were even abused by grandparents, great grandparents, friends of family, trusted co-workers. we were abused by teachers, spriritual figures, coaches, troop leaders. but the best de>
_________________________
Walk a day in my shoes, and you will want to die. protect me from a day in my shoes, and i will be forever in your debt.

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#345000 - 11/12/10 09:35 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Mark P]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
I watched the 2nd airing of Oprah's coverage of the sexually abused male child today.

I was quite pleased. I think it is an immense step forward. It is such a positive development in our efforts.

Allen

pufferfish


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#345010 - 11/12/10 11:01 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: pufferfish]
EvanCan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/09/10
Posts: 170
I agree. My friends, spouse, and I agree that "Part 2" was very informative and helpful.
Howard Fradkin was simply great - wise, compassionate, eloquent, humble, powerful, sincere. Just awesome.
And Oprah's producer "Ray" had some great stuff to say as well -- I really liked his expressions about there being a difference between "coping" and "healing."
Today's show didn't leave me feeling as numb as "Part 1." Rather, it made me more hopeful and less drained.

_________________________
Hope Springs 2010 WoR Alumnus
"I'm here, and I'm on the mend."


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#345026 - 11/13/10 12:29 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: EvanCan]
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
Yes, part 2 was much more hopeful but in a whole lot of ways it was harder for me to watch.

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#345033 - 11/13/10 01:57 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Derdlecar]
savuti Offline


Registered: 11/13/10
Posts: 12
Loc: San Diego
I am here at this website due to the recent Oprah shows. I think it's a great step. It made me realize that I am not as far along in my recovery as I thought I was. I am 47 years old, but have felt like I was 12 again after watching the show today. My personal counseling has brought me pretty far. However, I question whether I need the fellowship of others to get to the next step of healing. Seeing those 200 men together briefly made me feel a little less alone.

_________________________
Trying to be the person my dog thinks I am.

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#345052 - 11/13/10 07:36 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: savuti]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6573
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
Yeh..its been amazing coverage. Lots of the public has apparently spent a lot of time on MS and thusly dove into the content. My Videos and Blog site have been full of traffic like never before.

_________________________
You are using 118 of the 300 allowed characters.

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#345114 - 11/13/10 06:01 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Still]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
I did NOT get a chance to watch part 2 yesterday. I feel better about myself after seeing part 1.

Being here at MS has been a godsend for me as far as support from others. My biggest helps have been my T of course and then my csa support group. BUT then being here with u guys.

Living without Shame is so wonderful.

Donnie

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#345158 - 11/14/10 11:27 AM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Avery46]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6573
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
I'm going to post (soon) about this, but didn’t it become glaringly clear (on Oprah) that the vast public lives in blissful oblivion to CSA be it deliberately pursued or passively allowed ignorance?

_________________________
You are using 118 of the 300 allowed characters.

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#345164 - 11/14/10 12:08 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Still]
kevinkr Offline


Registered: 10/20/10
Posts: 25
Being an Episcopal Clergy Abuse Victim, I also belong to SNAP. You may find some answers to your question there. In my opinion, it really is, a combination of things. The churches ability (whatever denomination) to successfully avoid the topic, PR work on the part of the organization, the topic is NEVER discussed unless forced by law, and the average parishners total devotion to their faith. (Blind faith). There are, sympathetic non-victim parishners, they generally remain quiet, except on an individual basis. I did a ton of press after Oprah, local CBS, a syndicated newspaper article, and my cousin, who is a devout Episcopalian called me and said "go for it!". That was nice. So, they are out there, mainly silent, (let's not rock the boat) types. The vocal ones are the people who blast us in the media, calling victims "destructive, angry people". I personally believe that the Church PAYS a certain amount of people to post editorial comments, to put up a "false facade" of support. But the most important thing is, remember you are NOT alone. And to those clergy abuse victims who still remain faithful to their denomination, that's great, find peace in whatever means you can. Work from within the system. I am not judgemental, to whatever a person chooses to believe, I just personally have no trust left for organized religion. I choose to fight the good fight using the media and the law. I now find my God through people, such as other victims and sympathetic individuals. My God, is inside each and every one of us.


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#345167 - 11/14/10 12:22 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: kevinkr]
kevinkr Offline


Registered: 10/20/10
Posts: 25
One other thing. The Oprah experience brought to me, 2 VERY good and sympathetic reporters, 1 in print and 1 in TV. All I do now is, place a call and they are there to cover the topic. So, the whole experience of "daytime talk tv" was productive. And the Dr. was very informed. I am not a big Tyler fan, but I really enjoyed some of what he said, and Oprahs staff member coming out was huge. Of course all the victims and their significant others that got to speak, was very brave. Any media, as far as Clergy Abuse is concerned helps. It puts pressure on the organization to say something besides "no comment".


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#345681 - 11/18/10 05:19 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: kevinkr]
Nony Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/25/07
Posts: 9
I have a question about the Oprah show for the moderators, participants or anyone else that can answer it. I've seen several references here from attendees and others to the "doctor" who appeared on the Oprah show. Do most visitors know of his role in Male Survivor?

Of course, that was Dr. Howard Fradkin-- Co-Chairperson of the MaleSurvivor Weekends of Recovery, Board Member and founding board member of Male Survivor. Why did Dr. Fradkin not speak (or was not allowed to speak?) about MaleSurvivor, Weekends of Recovery and his association them them? Other Oprah guests hawk books, movies, etc. and I don't understand why Dr. Fradkin's association--a major one, especially his development of the Weekends of Recovery--with MaleSurvivor was not mentioned (I am aware of the links on the Oprah show web page).


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#345683 - 11/18/10 05:40 PM Re: OPRAH SHOW [Re: Nony]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Nony,

Harpo productions position going in was that there would be no promoting of support organizations, websites, etc., on the shows themselves, but that they would provide a resource page on the Oprah website following the shows. I'm not sure what the reasoning was but presumably they wanted to make the shows about the topic and not about organizations, websites, or mental health practitioners.



Edited by WalkingSouth (11/18/10 06:00 PM)
_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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