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Shaun, I am so very sorry to hear about the layoff.

In my humble opinion, I think that you are already being very powerful in facing these triggers head-on and posting your struggle right here.
That's far more powerful than acting out, and it takes far more courage and strength.
I know that a couple of years ago when I thought my company was going to go under, my triggers hammered me like nothing I'd ever seen before. My acting out reached levels so low - like I had never seen before. I, too, see my identity in being the breadwinner, etc.

I offer that you keep "sitting with" your triggers, and have your "Older Shaun" keep telling your Young Shaun about the minefield that you're in, and how to safely walk through it (by not acting out). And how you don't want to find new lows in acting out.
Also, if you haven't already, let your wife now how scared you are to not be the breadwinner right now. (I know, easier said than done.)

I will pray for you to find the strength to plow through this. (For me, I finally have to surrender and lay on the floor alone and practically cry my eyes out to God to take the trigger and deal with it however He needs to ... 'cuz I cannot do it alone.)

Keep reaching out to the MS guys. I'll keep rooting and praying for you.
Sincerely,
EvanCan

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Shaun,

When I started to read about your situation I thought he is going through a major life change/event. This in itself is a trigger.

I faced this same "layoff" situation 4 years ago. I was not having "flashbacks" yet so, I first need to say I think your are probably at a better place with your knowing your triggers from the CSA.

You are going to go through changes - changes in your relationships (all of your relationships) but most importantly there is a change within yourself. I would be very careful about "acting out" as you put it. Acting for me and acting for you might be the same or different. Going through this change is going to be hard enough so, take your time. I would focus on staying present as you already spoke about. Get all the help you can.

For me - not sure about you - I have to stay away from porn, alcohol, drugs and toxic people during periods of change.

One day at a time.

As evercan stated above stay in touch here with your friends and contacts.

We are here for you. Your doing well as can for today.

A

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