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#340637 - 09/22/10 01:32 PM I finished my counselling - YEAH!
JustSurviving Offline


Registered: 04/22/10
Posts: 47
Loc: Hell
I've been gone from the forum for a while. Most of my posting was in the now non-existent "open forum" ('cause I wanted open dialogue and advice from anyone and everyone) and I can't even access those threads anymore.

In one of them, I asked if counseling has done any good for anyone. It never had for me. Taking courage from some of the responses in the thread and some of the private messages I got, I decided to give counseling another try. I asked around and researched who may be experienced in my area and was given the name of one counselor. I went to one session and don't need to return. YEAH! After answering questions as honestly as possible and allowing myself to open a bit more than usual, I surprisingly learned a lot, not only about myself, but about CSA survivors in general.

So, what did I learn?

I learned that "men, like you (me), who whine about sexual, or any other form of abuse, that occurred to them as children are a bunch of pussies. Good Lord, don't you know there are worse things happening all over the world right now. Get a grip, get over it, stop whining like a pussy and move on with your life. What's done is done."

He may have been having a horrible day, or week, or year, or may have just had a wreck or his wife left him, or something, but the licensing board has been notified. Just thought I'd share with you why I'll never see another counselor again. They are a bunch of @$$h@t$, present counselors excepted of course... or maybe not - I don't know...


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#340644 - 09/22/10 03:31 PM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: JustSurviving]
EvanCan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/09/10
Posts: 170
I hate that you had such a terrible experience.
That is remarkably awful.
You are So Not a Pussy.
So Not.

_________________________
Hope Springs 2010 WoR Alumnus
"I'm here, and I'm on the mend."


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#340653 - 09/22/10 06:34 PM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: EvanCan]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
What a lowlife. I hope the licensing board actually does something to him for this. Order his report of your office visit from him. Request a copy by fax or letter.
I suggest this before he destroys all record of you and deny's the whole thing, or has time to rewrite/edit what he did put in there.
I'm really sorry you took a chance, going against your own impulse to avoid and got burned again. Some people are just scum. I'm happy you tried to trust someone else's advice and tried it out. That is a very important thing to relearn. Don't give up.



Edited by kidneythis (09/22/10 06:36 PM)
_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#340656 - 09/22/10 07:56 PM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: kidneythis]
Silly Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/10
Posts: 140
Loc: Virginia
That's just...beyond...I can't think of a proper response. It's messed up. I'm so sorry you had to endure that. I'll be thinking of you...

Shane

_________________________
http://esdgc.com/links/shaneCSA.html

http://seriouslysilly67.blogspot.com/

The Round Table, Men's Sexual Abuse Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#340657 - 09/22/10 08:04 PM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: kidneythis]
blaidd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 240
Loc: Australia
Wow that is quite appalling. I had a similar experience years ago. The professional I saw suggested I made it all up and even tried to convince me that I wasn't really gay. The guys on here were great and affirmed my experience and suggested I stop seeing the guy, and find someone else, which I did.

Since that time I have found a wonderful professional who is a specialist in the area of CSA/SA and my faith in reaching out for support was restored.

Unlike you I didn't have the courage to report him, so I applaud you for doing so. I'm so sorry you went through that and encourage you not to give up, because there are professional people out there who are trained and experience in CSA.

Try not to let this jerk deter you from obtaining the support you so rightly deserve. You have every right to be respected and heard. I wish you well on your journey.

_________________________
Blaidd (pronounced as blaith/blithe) is a welsh word meaning wolf.

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#340785 - 09/25/10 12:29 PM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: blaidd]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
Ouch-what a freak of a "therapist"-r u sure isn't wasn't that tv commercial about a drill sergeant turned therapist?

Sorry you opened yourself up to such a jerk- We all need help to process the effects of abuse-we can't do this alone. Keep using ms for support and trying to find a competent and qualified T who understands csa. Keep trying and remember this is a safe place.

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

的t doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#340820 - 09/25/10 11:41 PM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: Mountainous Buck]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6866
Loc: USA
That's too bad you had a negative experience. Now that you bring this up, I guess I "shopped" for counselors. I also had some bad experiences.

My very first session was with a guy who had a national reputation. He had written a book about kids. (Later some fellow survivors told me the book was ghost-written). I had heard the guy on national talk radio.

But what a bummer! eek He listened vaguely to my story and yawned about half way through. Fortunately I never saw that guy again.

A couple years later I visited a guy who had a lavishly decorated waiting room and office. He had also been a guest on some radio talk shows. He was expensive and he contradicted some stuff I knew to be true. I never went back.

Allen

pufferfish eek


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#340821 - 09/26/10 12:06 AM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: pufferfish]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
So sorry you had such a terrible experience with that counselor. His conduct was beyond reprehensible, and I'm glad you have reported it to the licensing board. People like that certainly don't need to be treating the wounded.

I had a couple of different therapists who were less than stellar. One sort of nodded off during our session - he kind of snapped back to it and said "Sorry, what were you saying?" Maybe he had a bad night's sleep or something, I dunno.

The other moron that I saw said on the 4th session that he thought maybe I was just "melancholy" by nature and "overblowing" the abuse and crap that I went through. Never saw him again after that. Some therapists are real idiots.

But there are some excellent ones out there. Another one I saw (I've seen 4 in total) was excellent and really helped me a lot. He opened my eyes to a lot of things and helped me look at things in ways that I hadn't before. So please don't write off therapy in total, it can help and I hope you keep trying.

_________________________
Eddie

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#340912 - 09/27/10 09:10 AM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: EGL]
JustSurviving Offline


Registered: 04/22/10
Posts: 47
Loc: Hell
I spoke with a rep from the licensing board this morning. She called at 0800. We discussed what happened in detail.

Her response was, "I am terribly sorry that this has happened to you and I do not disbelieve you in any way. Unfortunately, this is something that can not be substantiated by your report alone, unless the therapist recorded the session, which he did not do. There is nothing in the session documentation about what this therapist said to you so we can take no further action at this time. I am sorry, however, rest assured that if another similar report is made at any point about this therapist, action will be taken."




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#340929 - 09/27/10 10:55 AM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: JustSurviving]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
Hey brother-

Good for you for taking action!' I wish you got a better response-but tell me how did you feel in standing up for yourself? In speaking your truth?

I'm glad other men shared their bad T experiences here-you started a good post. Thank you

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

的t doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#340932 - 09/27/10 11:19 AM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: Mountainous Buck]
JustSurviving Offline


Registered: 04/22/10
Posts: 47
Loc: Hell
Originally Posted By: Mountainous Buck
...-but tell me how did you feel in standing up for yourself? In speaking your truth?
I don't feel much other than anger anymore or a blank emotion that tends to engulf all times that I'm not angry... maybe like an empty nothingness. So, how did I feel standing up for myself and speaking my truth? Well, I wasn't angry, so... nothing.


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#340936 - 09/27/10 12:17 PM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: JustSurviving]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
I experienced therapists who 1. fell asleep, 2. said I cant help you with the sexual abuse issues but I can help with this, and 3. said I was NOT making it up.

I continued my quest to get help for myself.

I am glad your talking about it.

A

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#341613 - 10/07/10 08:30 AM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: Avery46]
JustSurviving Offline


Registered: 04/22/10
Posts: 47
Loc: Hell
I received a call from the "therapist" late last night at my home asking me why I would call the licensing board about our "interaction." He said he "was just trying to help you out."

I told him to either be adequately trained or quit his "profession" and ended the call after informing him to never attempt any contact with me again.


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#341615 - 10/07/10 08:36 AM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: JustSurviving]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
Way to go!

What a psycho T brother-i hope this inappropriatemphone call gets reported and confirms to your gut the truth about this guy-

Listento that voice inside-I hear you getting strongermand havimore clarity about you life-and yourself.

Keep climbing man!

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

的t doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#345066 - 11/13/10 09:50 AM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: Mountainous Buck]
JustSurviving Offline


Registered: 04/22/10
Posts: 47
Loc: Hell
Guess who just got carted off to jail last night and guess why...







Therapist shows up at my front door step at 9pm and starts banging on the door and ringing the bell, yelling for me to answer. My wife asked him to go away, without opening the door. He refused. He started kicking the door. She called the police and asked for their assistance. I arrived home a few minutes after she called the cops and was grabbed in a bear hug by a strange person while going down the walk towards my front door. That person proceeded to hit the ground after a head butt to the face and few punches to the face/head. Then I saw it was the therapist. Cops arrived as he was getting to his feet a few minutes later. He began yelling obscenities at me then ran towards me swinging his arms. He was then tased by one of the two responding officers and hit the ground again.

I was ordered to the ground, ziptied and placed in the back of a squad car.

My wife explained that the guy on the ground was the person she had called about and that the guy sitting in the back of the squad car was little old me who had just gotten home and "jumped" by the crazy man.

He got carted off for several "violations", one of which was public intoxication...


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#345069 - 11/13/10 10:08 AM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: JustSurviving]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
That is one for the record books-I hope you and your wife are ok-how traumatic for you both - stand tall today, ok?

I guess Ts are human and subject to the same outbursts over pent up unprocessed issue.

Choose carefully-check your gut when interviewing potential Ts.

A friend recently commented that only someone who has worked thru their own issues can help others do the same-regardless of their credentials.

I hope you find a great T after all this-you were right to nail this guy.

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

的t doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#345072 - 11/13/10 10:26 AM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: JustSurviving]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 729
Loc: United States
I'm sorry that this happened to you and your wife, but now let's talk about the silver lining.

You are now in a the strongest possible position to follow up on your original complaint. You have a phone call from the therapist which is documented, and the police report (you did get the incident number I hope) showing wholly inappropriate contact. These together (his reaction) provide substantiation for your claim. A blameless and ethical therapist would not have reacted in this way. I would recommend exploring a restraining order limiting contact and proximity with you, your wife, your family and home.

While I'm gratified that this provides you proof and validation of your experience and the official complaint, I can't feel any joy at the pain and acting-out of this therapist. It's too simple to think he's just some asshole who deserves what he gets. Isn't that the same thing that others say about us? There is always more to the story.

There is something much bigger going on that is affecting this person's life and this extreme episode will hopefully get him the help he needs and prevent him from practicing until he can deal with his problems.

JustSurviving, their are caring, competent and gifted therapists out there. Please persevere.

-efm

_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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#345083 - 11/13/10 01:21 PM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
Holy Crap Batman!
I just read the thread to catch up hoping you'd found someone and I got this story. Man o man that must really suck to be validated in that way,
It may seem petty but at least you got to hit him a couple times.
Definetly followup with the board and everything EFM suggested if you can. I'm glad he didn't harm your wife and family.

Holy effin crap Batman!


Oh yea sounds like you may have a good board there the way you describe the phone call telling you what result they came to. Followup if only for your family's sake.

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#345111 - 11/13/10 05:47 PM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: kidneythis]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Justsurviving,

I am glad your here to talk this through. I am inspired by your strength and courage.

Keep talking,

Donnie

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#345361 - 11/16/10 03:16 AM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: Mountainous Buck]
JustSurviving Offline


Registered: 04/22/10
Posts: 47
Loc: Hell
Originally Posted By: Mountainous Buck
I hope you and your wife are ok-how traumatic for you both...

I guess Ts are human and subject to the same outbursts over pent up unprocessed issue....

Choose carefully-check your gut when interviewing potential Ts....

I hope you find a great T after all this-you were right to nail this guy.
We're fine. She's tough and had a Benelli M4 in her hands until the police arrived and I've been jumped several times in my life. No worries on either account.

Everyone is human but we all need to learn to control ourselves.

I will not be interviewing any potential Ts. I am completely done with them. Completely.


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#345362 - 11/16/10 03:21 AM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
JustSurviving Offline


Registered: 04/22/10
Posts: 47
Loc: Hell
Originally Posted By: Ever-fixed Mark
There is always more to the story...

There is something much bigger going on that is affecting this person's life and this extreme episode will hopefully get him the help he needs and prevent him from practicing until he can deal with his problems...

JustSurviving, their are caring, competent and gifted therapists out there. Please persevere.

-efm
You are correct in that there is always more to the story. I don't know what other issues he has, and on some level I do feel sorry for him as a person. He needs assistance... but he isn't getting any from me.

Never once have I met a caring, competent and gifted therapist and I will no longer be looking for one.


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#345363 - 11/16/10 03:28 AM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: kidneythis]
JustSurviving Offline


Registered: 04/22/10
Posts: 47
Loc: Hell
Originally Posted By: kidneythis

It may seem petty but at least you got to hit him a couple times...


Followup if only for your family's sake.
Petty? Nah... it did kind of feel good, FWIW.

I have informed the board of his actions and gave them the police report number. They have already contacted the responding officers. It looks like he will not be "practicing" anymore, at least legally, if I understand things correctly.

As far as restraining orders, etc... do you have any idea how many people are killed each year while possessing a restraining order? Now compare that to the number of people killed while protecting their family with an M4 shotgun... Already have the latter. Don't need the former.


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#345364 - 11/16/10 03:57 AM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: JustSurviving]
john38 Offline


Registered: 10/21/10
Posts: 90
Loc: Pasadena CA
Wow,

I'm so sorry you had to go through such horrible crap. I definitely understand why you're gun-shy about seeing another therapist too! I can't say I'd react any differently under the circumstances. Fortunately, for me, my therapist has been stellar. I don't think I'd be here today without him. As a child I experienced profound torture and sexual abuse for many years, and therapy, coupled with my Survivor of Incest Anonymous support groups has given me back a wonderful life. I'm so sad that therapist bolluxed therapy up for you. But I take heart that there's this board, and survivor support groups out there to continue your healing processes with.

All the Best,
John+

_________________________
Just for today I will treat myself with respect, compassion and acceptance.

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#345366 - 11/16/10 05:00 AM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: john38]
JustSurviving Offline


Registered: 04/22/10
Posts: 47
Loc: Hell
This was not my first attempt to find a therapist. I have tried many others - all with varying degrees of failure on their part. At first I thought it was just something wrong with me that I couldn't find a therapist worth their weight in free air...

I had given up on therapists all together but "recently" after some urging to try again, did try again...

Won't make that mistake again.


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#360891 - 04/27/11 06:14 PM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: JustSurviving]
JustSurviving Offline


Registered: 04/22/10
Posts: 47
Loc: Hell
Just returned from visiting this guy in prison where he will be finishing up his sentence. Court date was in late Jan. He was sentenced to 6 months and has lost his license. The trial was a complete hassle for me/my family. Judge was pretty upset by the entire situation.

I don't know why I went to visit him but I did. Bottom line from it all, including my visit, is, yep... he's an @$$.


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#389129 - 03/13/12 02:43 AM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: JustSurviving]
JustSurviving Offline


Registered: 04/22/10
Posts: 47
Loc: Hell
Unbelievably, I am, at the request of my wife, trying this counseling stuff one last time (I've said that before) in spite of my adamantly posting otherwise here. I am traveling pretty far to visit with this counselor. Wish me luck smile


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#389132 - 03/13/12 03:01 AM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: JustSurviving]
Forexpreneur Offline


Registered: 02/08/12
Posts: 141
Loc: Uranus (hell no not yours. lol...
Originally Posted By: JustSurviving
Unbelievably, I am, at the request of my wife, trying this counseling stuff one last time (I've said that before) in spite of my adamantly posting otherwise here. I am traveling pretty far to visit with this counselor. Wish me luck smile



Best of luck brother. There are some good ones out there, but they can be hard to find that's for sure.

Alex


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#389140 - 03/13/12 03:52 AM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: Forexpreneur]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3607
Loc: South-East Europe
I'll keep my fingers crossed for you brother. This time it has to be much better experience for you smile !

Pero

_________________________
My story

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#389144 - 03/13/12 05:26 AM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: peroperic2009]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
Good luck, Brother- I cannot believe how insane your experience with this now-convicted/inmate T was.

If anyone deserves good karma and strong wind at your back in this search for a good counselor, it is you.

(Don't forget to brush up on the resources for finding a good T, posted here on MS.)

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

的t doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#389291 - 03/14/12 05:55 PM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: Mountainous Buck]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1402
Loc: California
Wow, I read the first post and am dismayed. Astonished.

But I have to say .. don't give up. And FOLLOW YOUR GUT/INSTINCTS.

I've been in/out of therapy for the better part of 18 years. Spent 8 years with my last therapist before I realized he wasn't really paying attention. Swore off therapy forever.

And then, after joining MS and reading about what we're needing to recover from, I realized I can't do it alone or just read a book. I need to be engaged.

So I tried one more time. And it has made all the years of dysfunctional therapy GOOD. I learned a lot of self awareness in those 18 years, and this therapist who KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING is putting my CSA / trauma recovery on a rocket into the stratosphere.

In the 1st session with him, he had me praising myself. It felt genuine, not manipulated. He found something in me and pulled it out of me and had me complimenting myself. I don't know how he did it, but it was totally and completely authentic.

And every session is like this with him. I walk out of the session discovering something good in me that I'd never quite given credit before.

It's worth it to keep trying. Totally. Worth. It.

D

_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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#389292 - 03/14/12 06:11 PM Re: I finished my counselling - YEAH! [Re: JustSurviving]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1648
glad you took action. there are many incompetent therapists and psychiatrists out there who have no clue about CSA and trauma. I heard from someone I know that went to a psychiatrist told them that people who were sexually abused as a child do not self abuse, dissociate or do things to harm themselves--it is all a matter of convenience. First if the doctor or therapist does not understand trauma, PTSD--they should not be giving advise and your counselor seems to have the same attitude--get over it you were a child--clearly incompetent and I am glad you have him off the street. It makes my blood boil when I hear these comments by the professionals--they cause more harm.


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