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#339557 - 09/03/10 08:57 PM Use the resources you have to recover
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Resources.

Recovery resources.

Like tools, trade knowledge, schooling, on the job training, college, recovery resources need to be learned how to be used.
This requires a degree of skill, aptitude, patience, and practice. Then it requires usage, mistakes, replaced broken parts, and much success. Then more success.

First, though, it requires a knowledge that we NEED the resources.

I did not know I needed resources for recovery. I am a successful businessman, a comfortable salary, family, rental properties, a classic convertible, religion. I had it all. Then an accident on the job, severe panic attacks, depression, for years. Then, I got arrested. What does this have to do with recovery of CSA? Nothing at all, except that court ordered anger management demanded I feel pain for this child I was studying, and when I felt for her and her plight, I discovered mine.

I started obtaining resources like understanding how fatal to me my CSA was, how my MS brothers supported me, I had a home. Books! Yes, get research on your recovery and be responsible for your recovery, yes, you are a VALUABLE resource, the most valuable. I found several men, survivors, whom I could fire thoughts onto and with, yes, FIND these men, and PM, Private Chat, or post and engage them.

Then, resources in you, but untested, you live your life with these new thoughts, and you WILL get them wrong, for awhile, but then, you will break even, then you will succeed. Your wife, mom, friends, district attorneys, they will notice a difference in you. They will not say anything, but you will notice they are different :-).

Then, a terrible panic, discouragement, depression, isolation and fear, for days. Then a breakthrough, freedom, you can see the connections other "non abused" people speak about, and they make sense to you. Goosebumps, tears of joy, then, a smile, then more smiling, sharing your breakthrough with your support, your WoR brothers, with everyone.

How do I know?

Because I finally broke through a major, if not the major abuse torment that I had to hide in shame and rationalization. My perp chose to destroy the life of a child, by sexual abuse, and then, rejected that child, giving him the curse of NEVER being intimate with man or woman without overwhelming assurances that he will not be accepted, he will be turned away, and in the darkness, he will die of embarrassment and shame, friendless, loveless, lifeless.

Not anymore..,

.., come, join me.

Sam

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MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#339665 - 09/05/10 09:28 PM Re: Use the resources you have to recover [Re: SamV]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi Sam,

Great post! We do indeed have to use the various tools of recovery, and often times it's hard, difficult work. We'll make mistakes, use the wrong tool at the wrong time, and wonder why it isn't working. But if we don't try, then we know it won't work. Thanks for posting this.

_________________________
Eddie

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#340521 - 09/20/10 12:35 PM Re: Use the resources you have to recover [Re: EGL]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
There is so much truth to the phobia that we need to be perfect the first time. There is so much about that that is so damaging to us as survivors, as a team, and as individuals.

We cannot use tools perfectly and succinctly the first time. It takes hours and days And weeks of practice, and then, training and retraining. And then, lol, we have to be ready to learn.

We can, we will, we MUST, make mistakes. Trying little ones, and being gentle with ourselves, helps us to recover.

Great comment, thank you EGL.

Sam

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MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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