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#340475 - 09/19/10 02:43 PM self-blame
redsox046 Offline


Registered: 09/06/10
Posts: 56
Loc: BOSTON
Ive come to realize that i still blame myself for what happened. Because of this, it stops me from being in touch with reality causing derealization. It stops me from being able to feel anger at him. I keep thinking, well i could have told or i could have said no, so it must be my fault and i must have wanted it. This is a huge wall between me, recovery and being able to be me again. It causes me to have extremely low self esteem and causes a lot of self hatred and worthlessness. How have you guys dealt of letting go of self-blame?


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#340476 - 09/19/10 02:51 PM Re: self-blame [Re: redsox046]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
Redsox,

I wish I could say Iíve figured out how to completely let go of self-blame but I havenít. But one guy here in particular Iíll mention no names; (Prisoner ID) took me to task on an issue that kept me self blaming. I donít know it this fits your situation but it was a revelation to me. I refused through many PMís to refer to myself as a victim. I hated the sound of it and the meaning of it. So I argued back and forth. Then he asked me if Iím not a victim then was I the perpetrator? It was a splash of really cold water but it made me sit quiet and think about which I was. The answer was clear which released an anger Iíd never allowed to be shown. What followed was a shift in blame from me to the rapists. That single nugget of information changed my life. My weighted net removed. I wish you well Redsox, Earlybird

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

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#340492 - 09/19/10 08:25 PM Re: self-blame [Re: earlybird]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
I learned not to long ago that children blame themselves because there is nowhere else to place the blame. Blaming adults didn't work back then since they were our caretakers and therefore were responsible for our survival so we continue to blame ourselves for things that were beyond our control as children. Its just a theory but it makes sense to me. JS

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And weíll change the world.


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