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#340156 - 09/13/10 12:08 PM Questions / Advice: possible TRIGGERS
Justafarmer Offline


Registered: 08/03/10
Posts: 27
Loc: CO
I have been on here a couple months and have been a reader for a year or more. One of the questions I have is " Why do I have this longing to look at men masturbating and ejaculating?

The question may not be why, but why do I still want to see this. What can I do to change this pattern of 50 years?

A little background: My first introduction to things sexual was a friend of my older brother who was close to 5 or 6 years older than me, one day pulling down his pants, playing with his self, getting an erection, and masturbating until he ejaculted. I was probably close to 8 years old. This started a 50 years long cycle of me masturbating. I was like an energizied rabbit with an erection all the time after that.

I am tried of this crap and would like to stop looking at this stuff and not have the urge to mastubate for the rest of my life.

Anyone out there with some advice? All advice is good, except maybe going blind and cutting my wiener off.


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#340160 - 09/13/10 01:16 PM Re: Questions / Advice: possible TRIGGERS [Re: Justafarmer]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5778
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Just:
The fascination with the penis and ejaculation was imprinted in your brain. It was probably the first sexual experience you had and it left a powerful stimulating image. The imprinting of this happened when you were too young to understand what was going on and likely you felt the sexual stimulation from watching this and it left imagry in your brain that is possibly stronger than other images from later in adolescence or adulthood.

It's really kind of crazy since you may not be sexually oriented as homosexual but the penis and ejaculation form a powerful turn on. And, you probably reinforced the sexual feelings with the sight of your own penis and ejaculation for many years.

Joe Kort (our ask the sex doc columnist) has written about straight men and their fascination with penises and ejaculation.

Another possibility is an article on this site, Breaking the Cycle of Unwanted Sexual Behaviors, http://www.malesurvivor.org/ArchivedPages/singer2.html


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#340191 - 09/14/10 12:40 AM Re: Questions / Advice: possible TRIGGERS [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
Justafarmer Offline


Registered: 08/03/10
Posts: 27
Loc: CO
Ken,

Thanks for your reply. I know all of what you said and have known for years. But, I am still drawn to it even after months of not thinking about it. Stress has a lot to do with it. How in the hell do we get rid of the desire to look at porn?


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#340317 - 09/16/10 01:36 PM Re: Questions / Advice: possible TRIGGERS [Re: Justafarmer]
wayne9 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 161
Loc: alabama
Farmer......you question about how to get rid of the desire for porn.......Thats my biggest fight. I have never smoked or drank any type of alcohol, always heard people talk about how hard it was to break an addiction. Never considered porn an addiction until I tried to stop it. Haven't got it done yet.


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#340322 - 09/16/10 04:20 PM Re: Questions / Advice: possible TRIGGERS [Re: wayne9]
Justafarmer Offline


Registered: 08/03/10
Posts: 27
Loc: CO
Wayne,

I am like you in so many ways. Like you I have never smoked or drank, no drugs and for my whole life I have abstained from sex. And that is the hard part for me not having any sexual outlet within a married situation. I too knew porn was wrong, but looked anyway. Never thought it an addiction until the last few years.

Thanks for letting me know I am not the only one out there.

Greg


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#340338 - 09/16/10 09:03 PM Re: Questions / Advice: possible TRIGGERS [Re: Justafarmer]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi Greg,

Just want to chime in and say you are definitely not alone in wanting to break the cycle of porn addiction. Been there, still there, and trying to get outta there. When I realize that I feel that draw to look at porn then if I can replace that desire with something else at the moment such as going for a walk or just getting out of the house away from the computer, then I have a much better chance of success. Getting away from the access like that helps me to try to bring a moment of clarity to things and "talk myself down off the ledge" kind of.

_________________________
Eddie

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#340344 - 09/17/10 01:28 AM Re: Questions / Advice: possible TRIGGERS [Re: EGL]
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3365
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Quote:
The question may not be why, but why do I still want to see this. What can I do to change this pattern of 50 years?


Farmer - the very first sexual experience I ever had was watching my uncle masturbate - much like what happened to you with the friend of the older brother - it does indeed leave a lasting impression in ones mind - therapy helped me to see that I would not have had that desire if not for what my uncle did - once I understood the root of where the desire was comming from it slowly faded into the background...

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#340352 - 09/17/10 08:34 AM Re: Questions / Advice: possible TRIGGERS [Re: TJ jeff]
wayne9 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 161
Loc: alabama
I slipped again this past weekend with the internet porn. I realize now I have to totally do away with the internet at my house. Living alone, it is impossible for me to stay porn free if I have internet access. This will be bad that I want be able to be here on MS during the weekends.

Tim


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#340353 - 09/17/10 09:04 AM Re: Questions / Advice: possible TRIGGERS [Re: wayne9]
Justafarmer Offline


Registered: 08/03/10
Posts: 27
Loc: CO
Thanks guys.

Eddie, Thanks for the advice about leaving the computer and going for a walk. Physically moving the body gets the blood flowing and changes our mood.

TJ, Thanks for the validation with a similar experience.

Tim, I know how it is with slipping. Seems like the more I try, the more I desire to look. I, too, live alone. Have just in the last couple of days signed up for safe eyes. Even though I am the administator it gives me a big "this site has been blocked". I made the mistake of making it too restrictive on the start. I had to go back in and make some changes. My advice would be to check the porn and nudity and then make changes after that if you are still triggered. I have been triggered reading the news in the past, which turned into a week of nightly porn veiwing. So far I have not blocked the news. By the way, I made sure it blocked the sites I want it to do. I tried to get into them and was happy when the sites were blocked.

It is great to get to be here and receive feedback.

Greg


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