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#339822 - 09/08/10 12:56 AM Was I an adult or a child
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
when the assaults occurred? This issue keeps coming up for me since I was 16 when the abuse happened so I'm never quite sure where I fit or what to call it. On one hand, the standard legal definition of a child is anyone under the age of 18, yet on the other its very hard for me to consider myself one at that age, compared to the stories of men who experienced sa when they were little kids. People's thoughts on this are appreciated. Like I said I just want to know where I fit. JS

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Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#339855 - 09/08/10 12:44 PM Re: Was I an adult or a child [Re: jls]
CruxFidelis Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
The way I see it, you were in adolescence... a unique time between childhood and adulthood.

If you want to tell your story here, we will listen.

_________________________
“If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.”

- Saint John of the Cross

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#339885 - 09/09/10 01:32 AM Re: Was I an adult or a child [Re: CruxFidelis]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Hey there. Thank you for your response. From my time with MS my story is already well known among many so no need to repeat it here but like I said thanks. I am happy that this forum exists for ASA survivors. Given how many males suffer in silence as a result of sexual assault/abuse in adulthood it is sorely needed so I applaud it. JS

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#339892 - 09/09/10 07:20 AM Re: Was I an adult or a child [Re: jls]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
Welcome to the ASA forum JS I hope you feel comfortable sharing your struggles and successes with all of us. EB

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Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

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#476161 - 01/28/15 10:36 PM Re: Was I an adult or a child [Re: jls]
vrocotamy Offline


Registered: 01/15/15
Posts: 53
Loc: North Jersey/New York City
I wonder the same, admittedly. I had just turned 19 (so I was legally an adult), but - being limited in my selection of other non-straight men - I was probably not as sexually and emotionally mature as most 19 year olds. I've called it "teenage date rape."

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#476264 - 01/30/15 01:24 PM Re: Was I an adult or a child [Re: jls]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 2016
...


Edited by Chase Eric (04/02/15 12:53 PM)
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#476268 - 01/30/15 02:09 PM Re: Was I an adult or a child [Re: vrocotamy]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 703
.


Edited by concerned_husky (08/31/15 10:50 AM)
Edit Reason: Reducing ties with MS.

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#476363 - 01/31/15 06:14 PM Re: Was I an adult or a child [Re: concerned_husky]
vrocotamy Offline


Registered: 01/15/15
Posts: 53
Loc: North Jersey/New York City
Originally Posted By: concerned_husky
Originally Posted By: vrocotamy
I wonder the same, admittedly. I had just turned 19 (so I was legally an adult), but - being limited in my selection of other non-straight men - I was probably not as sexually and emotionally mature as most 19 year olds.


I can relate very much to that...especially the part about being legally an adult but with the mind of a child. Like Eirik said, I think there's many shades of gray. My abuse continued until my early 20s but I've kept to posting on the main forum.


I was very much so an adolescent emotionally, and hadn't had physical sexual experiences before I was raped. I can definitely identify a "self" that changed when I was 19, a "self" that had specific desires and had a history of issues with relationships - particularly with men - prior to my trauma. Yet, my rape is inseparable from everything I know about myself sexually as an adult.

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#479816 - 03/27/15 07:48 AM Re: Was I an adult or a child [Re: jls]
LMG Offline


Registered: 01/28/15
Posts: 7
I was 15 and 6' tall. I still feel like I should have stopped it ... so it was my own fault. I was mature for my age and doing other things in life that grown up adults do! I should have fought back .. shouted out ... died trying!

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#479836 - 03/27/15 04:42 PM Re: Was I an adult or a child [Re: jls]
Nothing Man Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/10/14
Posts: 800
Loc: Ohio
We blame ourselves for the sexual abuse others chose to wreak upon us because it makes us feel like we can be in control. "If only I had not done X, this would not have happened, so if in the future I do not do X, I won't be hurt again."

It's false logic. Someone chose to do this to us. Some of us are so shocked or groomed or talked into something which we don't understand. We complied, we did not consent, and that is a huge difference.
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