since that time a few weeks ago when i decided to
be stupid get drunk and let my dad know whats what,
he has totally completely cut me off from him, his
family, everything. so theres 2 ways i can look at
it. one way is, im hurt, again, and confused with
his actions. i know i talked about it before. i
know what some of his reasns could probly be
for hating me. guess i keep forgetting its him andnot
me who has the problem. still hurts tho.

second thing is, im probly a lot better off having no
contact w him at all. ya thats been told to me a
bunch of times too.

my problem is, other then being to stupid to know
when ppl r using me, i guess i dont know how to say no.

its been a few weeks w no calls or anything. i called
him once and got hung up on. he said to my face that
day, pretend like i dont know him or his family exist,
that he dont wanna know me anymore. and not that i need
his money but there was an account set up for me by
him since i was a little kid w money in there. very
next day he closed it.

so what makes me a big stupid sap? if he called me
today and askd for a favor id be over there in a
heartbeat to help him out.

guess part of me thinks thats just me, cuz id do that for anybody even a stranger. but part of me STILL feels like i need to go out of myway and do stuff to make him like me.
he dont even have to love me. just like me.
that would be good enuff.
i will just never ever know why he goes out of his way
to be so hurtful. i never did anything bad to him or his
family if anything i been too good to them

Zak,

I understand you pain and confusion. There have been so many times that I haven't said "No" because I wanted someone to accept me. I've thought, "If I just do the right things for them enough times, they'll like me." But what I've come to learn is that there are certain people that no matter what you do right, no matter how many times you do it right, they will not accept you.

Zak, you are a good man. I can tell that from what you wrote. And all you want is for your dad to accept you for who you are. I hope that day can come for you. In the meantime, you need to build friendships and relationships with people you do see you for who you are and accept that.

Zak, it's okay to say "No". It's okay to say I deserve better than this. Because you deserve better. You deserve to heal and be loved for who you are.

Steve

thanks

Hi Zak,

Being hurt by the ones who should love us like this hurts doubly so in my opinion. At times we give and give, but all we get is having that tossed back in our face, and roughly so. There are some relatives who are just toxic for us, and we have to keep them at a distance in order to preserve our own sanity. That's what I've had to do with several in my family, and they didn't like it one bit when they realized that I had figured that out. But you need to do what you need to keep yourself from being hurt over and over. I hope you come to some peace with this, I know how difficult it can be to want something to be different than it is.