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#3395 - 08/05/03 06:30 AM wilderness
barrington Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/05/03
Posts: 4
Loc: australia
Hi - I'm new to male survivor. The short of it is that I've been in therapy for about six months dealing (for the first time) with recovered memories of very early age abuse.

On the topic: when I was a teenager I joined a bushwalking club (what americans would call backpacking) and got out of the house and away from a violent, drunken father virtually every weekend. Over the years I became a complete wilderness freak - I can survive and travel virtually most terrains and have often done so for extended periods on my own.

Since commencing therapy it has become clear that this was my great survival strategy: getting away from all stress, intimate others, the kids when it all became too much. On my own in the clean and quiet where no-one could find me and I could relax in complete safety.

Do not get me wrong - I'm no saint. I've done the drink, drugs, verbal abuse of my ex-wife, my career is a compltete flop, I'm depressed and feel terrible a lot of the time.

Did any one else develop similar strategies

cheers

barrington


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#3396 - 08/05/03 06:45 AM Re: wilderness
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
I think many people want to get away from it all. I think that is normal. I am glad you are getting help. Sounds like you are on the right track.

MJ

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#3397 - 08/05/03 09:03 AM Re: wilderness
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Barrington,

I wish your life had been more along the lines of camping and hiking instead of sexual abuse. It's good that you found us here on the World Wide Wilderness. \:\)

I fled to what passed for woods in the town where I grew up. Huge piles of slag and anthracite culm left from the days when Coal was King. There were some trees that grew in that stuff and enough to look like a forest to the child I was.

I didn't get good at it, in the sense of developing survival skills which I could use in the bush. I'd be proud of such an accomplishment. I hope you will.

Please come back and see how much care and concern these guys show with their words. I hope it is helpful to you to hang around this neck of the woods.

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#3398 - 08/05/03 12:00 PM Re: wilderness
BT Offline


Registered: 06/25/03
Posts: 388
Loc: Chicago IL
Welcome to MS. I am glad you found this place.

As to your post, for me, and I think most SA survivors, finding a way to mentally escape is an important and common survivor technique. What matters is that we figure out what those tecniques are and deal with them so they have minimal impact on our good relationships, etc...

Easier said than done though.

Again welcome to MS and I wish you the best.

BT

_________________________
"Everyone is entitled to their opinions and it is not my job to change their mind." Dali Lama

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#3399 - 08/05/03 12:26 PM Re: wilderness
PeteT Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/03/03
Posts: 28
Loc: Michigan
I escaped my abuse by becoming involved in everything in high school. I was gone everynight, away from home so my step dad could not abuse me. I surround myself with people because I needed to know I was ok. I needed good freinds and good love. This was my way to hide from the abuse.
I do love nature though and getting away in the woods by myself. It has a peace that I can't find when I'm with people.

_________________________
Pete

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#3400 - 08/05/03 01:29 PM Re: wilderness
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Barrington:

Welcom to MSORG. I am sorry for what has brought you hear but I am glad that you have found us.

Everyone who has suffered AA goes somewhere to escape from it or hide. I admire you for what you have done. The Woods can be a trnquil place.

I retreated to alxcohol and drugs as a survival technique. It was a coping mechanism and, as such, they were not the best.

Barrington you will find that there is no judgement here. Only concern, compassion and true brotherly love. We come from all over the globe, all races and areas of sexual persuasions. You will to my mind not find a better bunch of men than right here.

So listen, post relax and join us on a tough hike but one that is well worth the exertion.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#3401 - 08/05/03 01:50 PM Re: wilderness
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Ya, Barr, welcome to the site,

You've jogged some pretty fond memories in me this AM.

A couple of friends and I found a great place down on the American River in Sacramanto--it's all houses, now--where after the gold diggers had their way, a sand and gravel company moved in and created the neatest swimming holes a kid could imagine; two of them were named, "Big Bare" and "Little Bare." Ya, you got it, when we were within sight of either one, off came the clothes and skinny dipping ruled.
Geez, don't get me started. We were escaping tough households, as well. My mother was manic-depressive, one of the other guys, an alcoholic father and generally tough financial times for all. We'd bring down stuff to make hot dogs over camp fires, it was heaven on earth for us.
Most of us barely made it home for dinner. All the other guys at school wanted to know why the three of us didn't have tan lines. Because the abuse by my eighth grade teacher was happening at the same time, those times with my friends down by the river probably saved my life.
Hey, Barr, thanks for reminding me of those friends.

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#3402 - 08/05/03 08:00 PM Re: wilderness
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Barrington
you don't have to go into the wilderness to be in a wilderness - unfortuntely.
Many of us have wandered there, but we're finding our way out with each others help.

I love the outdoors as well, although some "bushwalkers" might take exception to my 4x4 going where most people fear to tread ;\)

I hope we make your bushwalk an easier one, stick around.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#3403 - 08/05/03 09:13 PM Re: wilderness
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Quote:
I'm a sexually compulsive man, but I want to have a healthy sexual relationship with my partner that doesn't involve the use of sex to escape, dissapear, vanish, dissolve, numb out, disengage, dislodge, or otherwise cloud my reality. It is a difficult and exhausting challenge to find the happy medium.
Scotty,

So if I drop the quote from the Odyssey, I have a new sig! \:D

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#3404 - 08/05/03 09:34 PM Re: wilderness
Green Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/03
Posts: 115
Loc: NYC, NY
Barrington,

I noticed that you are a teacher as I am and that we are almost the same age.

I didn't have a wilderness near me, but I basically spent my childhood in the small woods behind a lake near my home. When It was time for what we call high school (9th grade), I convinced everyone to send me to boarding school. I haven't heen home since. Best move that I made in my life. My brother didn't make that move, and he is dead.

Green


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