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#330751 - 05/02/10 08:03 PM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: usmc97]
Elad 12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1176
Loc: on the coast
Bobcat,

I found your last post interesting and positive. As you know from my posts elsewhere, I don't have a problem with being naked around anyone. I haven't always felt that way. But by letting myself experience being naked with others in showers and other places I have been able to loose a lot of the shame I carried. I am personally sorry to see more and more shower stalls and to hear that kids don't even shower at school anymore. Not because I like to see other guys naked but because it is very shame reducing in my opinion. I understand why people (particularly survivors) may not want their kids undressing around others, but to me that just has a way of creating an atmosphere of shame. The more you hide your body, the more ashamed you feel of it.
I do agree with you though. I don't think the WoR will ever include a nude showering workshop smile

Dale


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#333196 - 06/07/10 02:09 PM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: Trucker51]
Sobernow Offline


Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
I am 51yo --- spent most of my life afraid of public restrooms -- would rather pee outside or somewhere - than to go inside a public men's room (empty or occupied).

I fear being shot, knifed, robbed, attacked.


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#333242 - 06/07/10 11:58 PM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: Sobernow]
Anomalous Offline
Greeter Coordinator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 1358
Absolutely NO public showering for me!!!

I was just thinking about the bathroom at college. Though there were individual shower stalls, they only had a shower curtain and not a door with a lock. I was always afraid that someone would see me.

When I was in middle school we had to shower one year. I was terrified and didn't want to, but had no choice. Then I found that there was a shower stall and I always tried to get that one. I don't remember if the showering lasted all year. I just remember trying to get out of showering. It was difficult enough just having to change clothes in front of others.

It doesn't matter if I have been in shape or out of shape. I refuse to publicly shower, or change. I had joined a gym once, and have thought about it again, but can't bear the thought of the locker room.

Yes, I would be the one wearing wet swim trunks under my jeans.


Anomalous

_________________________
Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

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#333296 - 06/08/10 04:27 PM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: Anomalous]
KingFred Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/23/10
Posts: 57
Loc: West Coast, USA
I haven't showered with anybody else since I was like nine or ten (and even then, I remember saying that I didn't want to shower with them (two of my older brothers)).
I am ashamed of my body (morbidly obese from "swallowing too much aggression...and too many pizzas" (bonus points if you caught the movie referance) when I was growing up). I won't deny that. But part of my abuse was also in the shower/bath. If it weren't for this, I'd feel WAY more comfortable taking showers "in public."

_________________________
Not particularly a fan of hugs. High fives and well wishes are always appreciated though.

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#333393 - 06/09/10 07:48 PM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: Survivinguy]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1442
Loc: kansas
i was always worried about having to take showers in the gym class and so on. i lucked out that i had gym the last class of the day and went home to get cleaned up.

i only showered once in a men's locker room. it was in '99. i was up in thermopolis, wyoming. they had a small water park there that used the hot springs up that way. i took a quick shower, still in my bathing suit. however, i still had to change into dry clothes. so, after a few deep breaths i took my suit off and got changed into dry clothes in front of other men, some dressed and some naked...

that actually ended up being somewhat liberating for me... i was terrified the whole time, felt less than a man but at the same time i felt some freedom there...

i think that if i had to shower in a public locker room again i think i could do it and not have as much anxiety as i did the first time...

todd

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#335016 - 07/01/10 09:36 AM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: Obi]
BK Offline


Registered: 07/01/10
Posts: 1
In 7th grade I was shocked to learn we would be showering with other guys after gym. I had always been on the heavy side, hated playing shirts vs skins too.

I made it thru this class by being the first one in and out of the shower. While all the other guys were in the shower I was already finished and dressing. This actually created more privacy for me.

Placing my towel around my waist ASAP and beginning to dress with towel in place helped too.

In high school I had had enough of showering and did not choose PE when it became an option. In the end I had put it off too long and was forced to take PE. Hated it so much that I quit school. I was a B student and on the school newspaper staff at the time but just could not cope with PE being overweight, always getting picked last and then showers. I later got my GED.

Over the years I've lost weight and when I go to the Y to swim I don't mind taking showers with other naked men in an open shower area. I think it's masculine. To me it is facing my fears from long ago and I see how far I have come from those days.

I've taught my children about eating right and exercising; we have open communication too. I think had I been able to talk to my Dad knowing he would help me by drawing up a diet or exercise plan and doing it with me, my high school years would have been much better.


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#339187 - 08/29/10 03:11 PM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: BK]
lfp Offline


Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 121
This is a very good topic. I hate the gym, not only because i get tired and it hurts but bc of the whole showering and locker room thing.

When I'm in the locker room I have a LOT of things in my mind, questions, fears, I challenge myself. It takes a lot of emotional energy to be there. Eventually, I just get exhausted and I need to get out.

I showered once in the gym, but it wasn't easy at all.

_________________________
Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there. ~Josh Billings.
The Round Table, Mondays 7:30pm CST.

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#475029 - 01/13/15 07:29 PM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: Survivinguy]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3938
Loc: O Kanada
for some reason, i get triggered in changing rooms.
i will share a recent incident.

i was naked, drying with a towel, at a public pool.

there were two other men there, in various stages of nudity.

a young boy, no older than ten, walks into the room, alone,
his mother's voice behind him, speaking in a foreign language.

she has sent him into this room.

the two other men leave, and i become extremely stressed about being alone with this kid in the room, even though i was already dressed by then.

i quickly grabbed my stuff and literally ran out of the changing room to grab one of the lifeguards and report the situation. thankfully, the staff realized the risk, and took it seriously. they reunited the boy with his mother, and asked her to use the family changing room. i can't believe she would be so trusting of strangers, or that she was unaware of the potential danger.

the anxiety and anger i experienced was obviously overreaction, based upon my own personal history. i have a very specific recall frozen moment involving towels, wet tiles, echoing water sounds, plumbing, skin.
it was all there, all of these triggers fired in one shot.

it almost made me throw up, and just thinking about it now, still makes my stomach flop around.

i know this is not really the same thing you are describing, Survivinguy, but reading your post brought this memory to mind. i had to dump it.

_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#475034 - 01/13/15 08:27 PM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: Survivinguy]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 842
Loc: michigan
hey everyone
just to add my part, I failed gym class all through JR high school. I had to keep taking it and kept failing because I was so uncomfortable with the whole thing. showering was not something I was going to do with SO MANY enemies all around. when I got to High school I managed to put some rules in place that let me manage it at times. but recently I was with some teens who I had taken to the public pool. the one boy had a knot in his trunks which he needed help with. I helped him and then sent him in to swim and I was so glad I had help there to supervise because I went strait into a panic attack and felt if I didn't get out of that place I was going to die!I sat in the hall in tears so totally freaked out until my wife finally tracked me down and helped me calm.not one of my best moments. but yea I haven't been to the locker room since then. don't feel like you guys are all alone for sure
Jeff
_________________________
Either I will find a way, or I will make one.
Philip Sidney

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#475062 - 01/14/15 05:25 AM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: Survivinguy]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3576
Loc: somewhere in Africa
whoah - this has always been such a trigger for me! even now, i can't do it without severe anxiety. here is an excerpt from a post i made in Survivor Stories back in 2012. it is pretty long, so i have just quoted part of it. the link is at the end if you want to read the whole thing.

"Hit the Showers!

That was the most dreaded phrase during my junior hi years. It happened daily – right at the end of PE. It meant that the torment and terror was about to begin. I was an early bloomer and attracted lots of unwanted attention from peers, older kids, and adults. I hated stripping, being naked, having others staring at me, being compared and talked about. That part of the daily routine was relatively innocuous. But the other things that happened: being taunted, poked, prodded, pushed, touched, bumped and rubbed – any of them could have been excused as being not a big deal individually, but they added up to a systematic and concerted effort to bully. Not every guy in the class participated. But none stood up or spoke up against it either. And neither did the coach. The couple of boys who might have wanted to defend me or protest were too afraid. And at some point, the taunting and “accidental” physical contacts – even though each was brief and done by a variety of people, seemed to cross the line to become sexual harassment and/or abuse. The object of the game was to get me to respond physically to the treatment – to get me aroused so they could make fun of me. And to my shame, despite (or maybe because of) my intense concentration and efforts to the contrary – they usually succeeded. After a while, I started to respond almost before the anything happened.
...
The next challenge is the gauntlet of crossing the whole locker room to get a towel. We rented towels and got a fresh one every day. If I get the towel before I go in the shower, it either disappears before I get out or it is soaking wet when I get back to it. (Surprise! How did that happen?) I have to go straight from the shower, dripping wet and totally naked between the rows of lockers to the opposite end of the room to the equipment cage to get the towel from the coach with his check list on a clip board. (Of course he has seen and heard nothing.) That gives everyone another look at me and another chance to mock, ridicule, and “accidentally” bump, push, or touch me again. I wanted to die or disappear.
..."

the rest of the story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...true#Post403088

it was 2 years of torture - 5 times a week - Sept-May - during 6th and 7th grades.

now i just avoid such situations. i am a grown-up and make those decisions.

i empathize with anyone who has a similar anxiety or gets triggered from locker rooms or showers.

Lee
_________________________
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho


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