Hi, I haven't been on here for a long time. But I'm having a very good and very bad night tonight and could really use some encouragement right now. My husband of twelve years told me five years that he was molested by his older cousin when he was about in 1st grade. I read Victims No Longer and was dumbfounded by many of the coping mechanisms that he had been used that had been issues in our relationship. He read some of it but was still minimizing the abuse. Well, tonight he got pretty drunk and it all came out. He's still laying in the bathroom (safely). He has only been drunk one other time since we've been together in fifteen years. I think he finally has admitted to himself that he needs help. I'm a little scared and hopeful. Is that sick? I knew the day would come that those coping mechanisms would no longer work. I think we/he is going to go to a counselor. What else do we do? I've wanted this day to happen for so long, but now that it is here, I hurt for him.

I just want him to be free from all of this junk he's been holding in for so long and I know it won't happen overnight.

Hopeful,
V.

It is so good that you are standing by your husband, V. I am reading a book by Marie H. Browne, "If the Man You Love Was Abused." Only part way through, but it resonates with all our married life. He had told me some of it when we first dated, more has come out as time went on. But he copes through defensiveness and anger. He was a drug addict, but thank God, he is long since done with all that. We have been through hell and back in sorting out all our junk together. We still have issues, but me being the researcher and reader, I have learned so much to help us both fight. And I learned how to pray and trust God for answers. I hope you look on the resource guide they have here and find some answers. I believe that book I mentioned is there also.

If he will go for counselling that will probably make all the difference in the world. My husband never did. We had a terrible time; almost split up. As you know, this stuff doesn't go away. His pain can shape him into a more compassionate man in time. Let your love remain strong and you get all the help you can for yourself. Another book I am reading is "The Sexual Healing Journey," by Wendy Maltz. (A guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse).

My prayers are with you. The alcohol won't work forever. God is setting me and my husband free. I wish you both the best.