So, after thinking about it off and on for the past few years, I finally went in to the clinic to get..."the back door" examined. I've had pain come and go back there and finally had the courage to get it checked out.
So I went in yesterday to do it. I think the doctor mis-understood why I was there. After
getting checked in and taken to the exam room, I was told to take off everything below the waist, sit on the table, and cover myself with the sheet. Did this and felt weird. Had to keep myself from throwing my clothes on and running down the street. Doc finally came in, we talked a bit (it seemed obvious that she thought I was in there for constipation or hemerroids), then she had me lay on my side. Without getting graphic, she found scaring that she said was unexplainable if I was still a virgin. I reminded her I'm a rape survivor and asked if the scars could be a result from that. She said that was the only explanation she could think of. So...ya. Not exactly the brightest doctor but I got what I was looking for...I am feeling someting that is really there and not some phantom pain. Which, in a weird way, is kinda comforting, if that makes sense.
Thank you all to those who I've talked to about this. And thanks for reading this.
Not particularly a fan of hugs. High fives and well wishes are always appreciated though.