I'm sorry I did not address this before.
When I was very early on in my own healing process, I would also try to deliberately Trigger myself, because I did not then have clear recollection of what had happened to me in some of the instances.
Sure I had Mem's of the Abuse, but they were weird, like they were distorted and not like any of my other memories, the normal ones.
My therapist explained to me that there is a process to follow because of safety reasons. That it is possible to become re-traumatized just buy trying to evoke Memories of my own situation. He then went on to decribe to me how trauma mem's and normal mem's are not processed and therefor not recorded or stored the same way in the brain.
That is why many of my memories frightened me when I though back to them.
For example, Many of the Mem's of the real bad stuff happening to me, is from the prospective of me being on the Ceiling of the room! Now obviously this in not physically possible, but at the time I did not know why I saw things from that perspective and upon later recalling the events, was terrified more by them because I thought I was going crazy and I thought That I could not possibly be remembering what had ACTUALLY happened back then.
It was only later with discussions from my T, and reading a lot about it that I found out that trauma memories can be like this and are pretty common to some degree.
I hope this helps you know that your definably not alone in the way that you are trying to get a response from you mind, so that you may be able to actually deal with the issues.
You really need to see a Therapist that Deals with trauma and they will be able to explain to you a lot more than I can.
Take care, Man!
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"