o

Greetings -

I would suggest that no, you aren't alone. Take it easy and don't rush trying to 'fix' yourself. Get in touch with a good therapist and start the healing ... it takes a while. I don't know what the process is for locating a therapist in the UK but any hospital directory should be able to point you in the right direction. Feel free to check in and let us know how it's going or ask questions.

~S

Your post touches close to home-I had a lot of confusion about sexuality-including identity-that needed to be unraveled. My drinking was also a big issue in my college years and I got help for that through Alcoholics Anonymous. There have always been larger issues beneath my abusive and compulsive search for getting drunk or sex or escaping-I need to live in a way I can face these real issues -I grew up never learning how to be honest emotionally or with self-and having no intimacy or relationship skills.

I've dealt with this lack in a lot of ways-therapy, twelve steps, Men's groups. Etc. I cannot donit alone.

i have been in your been there and done that. except i had the one night stand all we did is fool around and got each other off and than that was the end of it. i felt so dirty after wards it was not what i thought it would be i thought maybe i was gay . but what i found out, is that i was trying to live out my abuse a little bit. i thought i would get the same pleasure and all i got was shame and guilt. i new after that experience i was not gay or bi i just have same sex attraction stemming from the abuse . i still find myself checking out other guys . when i disclosed my abuse the first time to a drug and alcohol counselor she told me that i look at young men because i want to be them in some way . i want to go back and be young with out abuse in my life . i was wanting deep down to be them and i was attracted to the innocence of them . if that makes any sense and it merged with the abuse so i tend to check out young men . it bothers me i have done everything under the sun to avoid it but nevertheless it is still there. i look at it as my "thorn in the flesh" and for me it does keep me humble . anyway hope this helps you and you are not a freak and you are not alone .

o

mount shaun and nlt sorry for the hortness but thanks for your support appreciate it

i love this guy like a brother

o

Well the short answer is: Yes - you've crossed a line with your mate and you'll just have to sort that one out with him AFTER you do something about your own issues.

Here's the point: Reading that reminded me of some episodes in my own life where I thought that my friend 'got' me and understood what I was going through. I thought being around him (also much younger - by 13 years) would help me work some stuff out.

Well - like Obi-Wan said - I was wrong. And in this case, it sounds like you're going about this the wrong way. You 'love this guy like a brother'? I'll tell you right now, there was a mate that I cared about that much, too. It was all up in my head, it was a bad idea and in the end I just ended up with the egg on my face.

Don't let it happen to you.

You're sexualizing the relationship, you're up in your head with the idea that he's going to respond to what you're doing in the way that you want and it probably won't happen. You're looking to him to heal your broken parts and not only can he not do that, he won't understand what you're talking about. Don't do that to him and don't do that to yourself. You're chasing a fantasy, man, and it will only end in tears.

Gotta motor - let me know how close/far off I am in how I'm reading your situation.

o