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#326856 - 03/31/10 06:07 PM Re: Can Male Survivors of Female CSA Please Speak Up? [Re: king tut]
Shaun The Sheep Offline


Registered: 03/17/10
Posts: 188
Loc: West Coast
Well, let me clarify: I am asking from the standpoint of a CSA survivor who is a bit tired of the misconceptions surrounding female-on-male sexual abuse. Alternatively - as a bi-or-straight male - I can't escape the fact that I along with most teenage guys had that 'Hot for Teacher'/'Stacy's Mom' fantasy.

So it'd be helpful to have someone who has gone through that experience speak candidly about what it has done to their lives. I would think it would certainly slow down every guy who reads the story and then goes on to say "Lucky SOB..." I wouldn't consider those boys lucky at all.


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#326926 - 04/01/10 05:49 AM Re: Can Male Survivors of Female CSA Please Speak Up? [Re: Shaun The Sheep]
BloggerT Offline


Registered: 11/15/08
Posts: 21
Shaun,

I have a post by a survivor but it was by his 14 year old babysitter rather than a teacher. Maybe it will be of some help to you http://whataboutwhenmomistheabuser.blogspot.com/2008/11/victims-story.html

And there are a few others that might be of help. This one is about a research stuudy done "Long term effects of sexual abuse by a female" http://whataboutwhenmomistheabuser.blogspot.com/2009/06/long-term-effects-of-sexual-abuse-by.html


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#326958 - 04/01/10 01:31 PM Re: Can Male Survivors of Female CSA Please Speak Up? [Re: BloggerT]
Shaun The Sheep Offline


Registered: 03/17/10
Posts: 188
Loc: West Coast
That's great data - exactly what I was looking for. Thank you.


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#334127 - 06/19/10 12:44 AM Re: Can Male Survivors of Female CSA Please Speak Up? [Re: Mike1968]
little big man Offline


Registered: 06/19/10
Posts: 106
Loc: nevada
Hi, I am new on this site and it scares and makes me cry. My mother both grandmothers and two cousins maybe molested me along with father, and two uncles. My grandmother, greatgrandmother and great great grandmother were protitutes.
I ahve had great anger in my life and been scared of it. I have been in 12 steps for 14 years where i finally got a litttle self esteem.
Anyway I need to share about some heataches. One is that I have found it is not a good idea to tell anyone in town that i have been molested. Result it gets spread that I am a molester as most people assume 100 percent of those molested become molesters. This really hurts because i wouldnt dream of hurting a child and i stay away from them. Why would i want the guilt of knowing i ruined someones life like mine was. Another thing is no one thinks women molest children or if they did you got lucky.

(this paragrah should be at the end)
I was in an aa meeting where two women said they had been molested. no one thought the worst of them. I shared that I had been molested and several peoples eyes lit up. The next meeting I went to I was being talked about as a pedophile that should not be allowed in the aa building. One person even called me a pedophile. Why? because i am a male that said i was molested.

My mother used to be preoccupied with my butt and I used to think my butt was huge and would want to hide. Becomming invisable was my goal and to this day i dont like it when someone comments on my body making me aware of myself again. I had to quit a job because the women in my office made comments all the time about my body (i am fat) eeo did not seem to think it was an issue. I hate my body and dont like anyone meantioning I have one. THe female reltives used to put things in me at the sink when i was really young. multiple enemas too. When i had oral sex with a woman I realzed I had done this before at a really young age. I really do not want sex with another person as it is really scarry. Most of the time I have tried I could not maintain an erc due to fear. And of course when I climax I feel guilty like i raped her or guilty even masterb when i climax.



Edited by little big man (06/19/10 12:54 AM)
Edit Reason: added info

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#335132 - 07/02/10 11:24 PM Re: Can Male Survivors of Female CSA Please Speak Up? [Re: little big man]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
little big man,
Welcome to MS. That is a powerful post. I am sorry you had to endure that abuse. Your feelings are normal as you might have found by reading the site.

I use food to medicate as well. I use it to deal with pain mental and physical. I'm fat too. I don't like it either. I think being self conscious like you describe reminds me of how I felt about my own body most of my life and forgot about until I read your post. I never even looked at my own penis until I was in my late twenties. I became even more self conscious than I had been before I had supressed it when I was 18 in basic training. I was terrified that I hadn't been aware of my own body all my life. I never felt my penis unless it was aroused I honestly didn't and mostly still don't have any active awareness of any of the body parts that were abused unless they have a biological or involuntary reaction some stimuli. Wow that really is something to remember that.
I think a lot of us have body image issues. Thanks for triggering that memory I think it might be important for me to deal with. It probably explains a lot.

So you see we're all a bit messed up here and we join together to help one another as best we can. Welcome and I hope you find help here.



Edited by kidneythis (07/02/10 11:30 PM)
_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#335165 - 07/03/10 01:37 PM Re: Can Male Survivors of Female CSA Please Speak Up? [Re: kidneythis]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2433
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my fraternal brother, little big man,

Welcome to MS. Here you will receive compassion, understanding & love, from your brothers (fraternal) & friends (in pain).

We all have been there, albiet in different ways & ages.

We have been into the depths of our soul & hell too.

We will hear your cries. We will help in your fears & we will share your tears.

Be prepaired for the emotional roller coaster ride of your life. You are on your way.

My "mom" was the first to get to me, 5 yrs old. My male perp, a few years later.

Heal well, my fraternal brother, little big man, heal well.

" I will take that lost boys hand, and i will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity."

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#335172 - 07/03/10 03:49 PM Re: Can Male Survivors of Female CSA Please Speak Up? [Re: petercorbett]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11027
Loc: Denver, CO
I have to add that I am a survivor of non-typical female sexual abuse. What my mother did was sexual abuse, but it wasn't the typical contact abuse people think of. Mine was a combination of a couple things: what she allowed me to see her doing, a couple things she did directly to but again without contact, things she said to me and her overall anti-male attitude. So honestly there is no room for fantasy in these cases. There was nothing desirable about it. It was only damage.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#336289 - 07/18/10 05:43 PM Re: Can Male Survivors of Female CSA Please Speak Up? [Re: kidneythis]
little big man Offline


Registered: 06/19/10
Posts: 106
Loc: nevada
Thankyou for the comments. Recently I went to the doctor and I got wieghed. 293 I wanted to die. Today I am ok though. I remember walking to high school the last block was very scary for me where alot of people were and they could see me. I was so self concious of my body and I wanted to hide it as soon as possible. I was skinny but thought I was fat and had breasts (body dismorphic disorder). My mother was very preoccupied with my butt and she would pinch me or touch me. I have always wanted to not have a body and do not like it when someone says something about it making me aware I have one. It scares me.


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#336312 - 07/18/10 11:20 PM Re: Can Male Survivors of Female CSA Please Speak Up? [Re: little big man]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
My aunt would sit me between her legs nude facing her and vacilate between emasculating me and sexualizing me, making me do things and torturing my penis. I was 3-4. She was grooming me for the long term.

I didn't remember this stuff about her until about a year ago but I recall speaking to her for the first time since she last abused me when I was in AA back in the 90's. the thing that most distictly stood out in that phone call was this huge sexual energy coming from her like it was coming across the phone lines. At the time I was doing the steps and thought it a stray emotion. I hadn't yet been triggered to remembering my life in her mother's home. She was 17-19 when she abused me.

I now realize as I write this, in the experience on the phone with her what was really going on is that I was feeling the feelings she had imposed on me as a child when she was abusing me. Speaking to her she had triggered the response she had groomed me to have. She was giddy like a little girl, sexually aroused from what I gathered later by the feelings she was triggering. It was a sexual kind of feeling but it was dark and felt all wrong and icky. I felt dirty in that way that you can't wash it off. At that time she was 54-55. She meant to use me for sex for life.
I honestly believe today even after I told her I remembered something nonsexual but abusive she did to me, I bet she'd try to be sexual with me if we were in the same room.
My mom had to work or her mom would kick us out of the house so I was unprotected except when mom was home and usually doing chores or sleeping.

women screw us up. it was her penis torture and emasculation that gave me my body issues.

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#337953 - 08/09/10 12:12 PM Re: Can Male Survivors of Female CSA Please Speak Up? [Re: Shaun The Sheep]
little big man Offline


Registered: 06/19/10
Posts: 106
Loc: nevada
When the topix of female sexual abuse on males comes up you always hear about teenage boys being molested. By doing that society is still avoiding the reality of females molesting little boys and babys which goes on all the time. There is strong denial that mothers molest their little chidren but wide acceptance that men molest little ones.


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