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#337485 - 08/02/10 09:55 PM Why can't I own a Canadian?
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Triggers! For those attached to the literal interpretation of Leviticus Exodus etc.....

I saw this on a friend's Facebook page and howled! I hadn't seen it before. If this is old, please feel free to ignore..

Jim
(And for those that don't already know, I'm CANADIAN! cool )

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US man, and posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of
debate.

I do need some advice from you,however,regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there
'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go
to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia PS (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian)

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#337491 - 08/02/10 10:25 PM Re: Why can't I own a Canadian? [Re: Geeders]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
G-Man -

This belongs in the "Hall of Fame" for posts here. It is already one of my favorites.

The "PS" is priceless.



Daryl

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#337493 - 08/02/10 10:35 PM Re: Why can't I own a Canadian? [Re: Geeders]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Well, If I get to own a Canadian, Jim, You're in deep doo doo!!!!! Can't wait for this one to be settled so as I can get started Mwahahahahahah!!!!!!!

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#337494 - 08/02/10 10:37 PM Re: Why can't I own a Canadian? [Re: prisonerID]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Well! With praise such as that.... how could I NOT follow it up with this....

I AM CANADIAN!

grin cool grin

Thanks D-man! (Whose PS? His or mine? LOL!)

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#337496 - 08/02/10 10:40 PM Re: Why can't I own a Canadian? [Re: WalkingSouth]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
John:

When you can speak French, eat poutine, and speed along in kilometers, I'll begin to become worried.

Maybe..perhaps....

grin

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#337498 - 08/02/10 10:52 PM Re: Why can't I own a Canadian? [Re: Geeders]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Jim!!! I don't know about Kilometers, but I can tell you that driving on the Canadian highways is one of the most frightening things I have ever undertaken. Two lane road... Lotsa traffic hurtling along at 70+ MPH... No room to pass... What do the Canadians do? They pull out and pass anyhow... Damn who may be in the oncoming lane... They're on their own. If they wanna avoid death they just have to head into the grassland to save their lives! Yup!!! True story! And it's a way of life north of the border They ALL do it!!!!!

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#337508 - 08/03/10 01:43 AM Re: Why can't I own a Canadian? [Re: Geeders]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 725
Loc: United States
This is from a quite famous letter on the internet. This is the same letter that inspired Aaron Sorkin to write the following scene in The West Wing...



One of my favorite television moments...

-efm

_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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#337509 - 08/03/10 05:18 AM Re: Why can't I own a Canadian? [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Thanks EFM! I hope he got an award for that episode. That was Billiant!

Jim

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#337514 - 08/03/10 08:55 AM Re: Why can't I own a Canadian? [Re: Geeders]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
Nice start to the day for me! Very funny.

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#337518 - 08/03/10 09:23 AM Re: Why can't I own a Canadian? [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
Two Royal Canadian Thumbs Up, Mark!

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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