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#337060 - 07/28/10 04:51 AM Relapse - "control"
gravitas Offline
New Here

Registered: 12/10/07
Posts: 18
Hi.

I am a male survivor and I used to use prostitutes etc often. I then sought therapy which helped me form a relationship and I remained faithful for two years. I ceased therapy over a year ago and kept my childhood sexual abuse a secret from everybody. Last night I "relapsed". I secured the services of a working girl/stripper who in fact was open to sexual contact but I asked her to stay distant. There was no sexual contact, only her bearing her breasts while I masturbated myself. That was it. I feel bad but accept that I need to re-start therapy and get back on track before I fall into a pattern of unacceptable behaviour.

I feel terrible. Really terrible. I am hoping people on this forum might have some words of advice re getting over this bump in the road. I suppose that I am also dealing with guilt.

Thanks


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#337066 - 07/28/10 07:40 AM Re: Relapse - "control" [Re: gravitas]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
Good morning Gravitas-
I struggled for years sexually until I committed myself to a support system, accountability, and to getting to the roots of my abusive sexuality.

I still attend a twelvle step prgram ( that's why I am up working out before my seven am mtg this morning-it is part of taking care of myself)

Being away from practicing obsessive sexuality-I am in touch with my real feelings and who I am-if I choose to. When I act out, I repeat the csa cycle of shame, fear. Numbness, and feeling broken and isolated and unfixable/unloveable.

Therapy alone isn't the answer-I have over a dozen men in my life who share my story, my struggles, and my hope.

So here is a valuable question I ask myself-what I am hoping to get by sexually acting out? My answer is control and power over what was done to m.

Ms is another source of strength for me-men here understand and support me-





Edited by Mountainous Buck (07/28/10 07:50 AM)
Edit Reason: Spelling typos
_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#337183 - 07/29/10 06:20 AM Re: Relapse - "control" [Re: Mountainous Buck]
derrick Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/10
Posts: 94
Loc: North Carolina
gravitas

I know how u feel. I am long time SA member and lost my sobriety recently but still working with my sponsor

I hope to see u in the chat room sometimes

_________________________
My Story http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...5766#Post335766

Alumnai of May 2011 DAHLONEGA (a life changeing event)
Alumnai of October 2010 WOR Hope Springs
Dahlonega

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#337242 - 07/29/10 11:50 PM Re: Relapse - "control" [Re: derrick]
Ischyros Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/10
Posts: 78
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
Hey Gravitas,

With you my brother. I'm in SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) seeking recovery from years of obsessive porn-fueled masturbation. I've been in the Program since last November, and I've had several slips (or, looking at it more positively, several significant stretches of sobriety). I can honestly say I've learned something important from each of my slips, and my sponsor is fond of saying,"You may have lost your sobriety, but you don't necessarily have to lose your recovery." That's been helpful for me. And even though I don't have a lot of time right now, the past 8 months in the Program really has changed my life, and I feel recovery happening for me on a daily basis.

We do recover. Hang in there my friend.

_________________________
Proud survivor and WoR alumnus - Sequoia, April 2010

I want to live in the world
Not inside my head
I want to live in the world
I want to stand and be counted
With the hopeful and the willing
With the open and the strong...

--Jackson Browne, "Alive In the World"

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