Newest Members
andrewmartin, Aurigny, Luther, LuckyCharm, Jennifer Lyons
12251 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
AdawgJR (28), Brian (50), hikerpark (52), Jeremy Welch (47), Logan81 (2014), Olson30 (60), Patrick7958 (56)
Who's Online
6 registered (GT13568, Bluedogone, PhoenixRising, 3 invisible), 61 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12251 Members
73 Forums
63104 Topics
441295 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2
Topic Options
#336781 - 07/25/10 10:06 AM Re: Feedback needed on making progress [Re: broken13]
Silly Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/10
Posts: 140
Loc: Virginia
I find Dusty42's reply repugnant and I'd pay no attention it. It's way out of line I think. It makes me sad that someone can feel that way...hate is never an acceptable.

Silly

_________________________
http://esdgc.com/links/shaneCSA.html

http://seriouslysilly67.blogspot.com/

The Round Table, Men's Sexual Abuse Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#336815 - 07/25/10 02:31 PM Re: Feedback needed on making progress [Re: Silly]
broken13 Offline


Registered: 06/18/10
Posts: 37
Loc: ohio
Thanks Silly .... I was thrown off a tad to say the least. It is sad and I'm fairly sure PattyCakes will come back and continue reading in her post to see what you have written.

_________________________
... when you feel like you are falling to the bottom remember God will either catch you or teach you how to fly

... there is a cost to the soul of a person when trust is broken.

Top
#336884 - 07/26/10 09:12 AM Re: Feedback needed on making progress [Re: broken13]
Pattycakes Offline


Registered: 05/23/10
Posts: 109
Loc: Canada
You guys,

I think hate can be a good thing sometimes. If Dusty feels it helped him then why not? Maybe it is hard to stop 'loving' a perp or to stop feeling guilty about the perp stopping giving the child 'attention'. Don't forget that many men were abused by family members whom they loved despite the abuse. Sometimes the perp was the only person to give a kid any attention at all. And when the abuse stops, it leaves the child confused and feeling abandonned. Not in all cases but in some, for sure. So, getting to hating that perp may be the first step for some people. Why should anyone forgive what was done to them? To accept it and try to work through it, yes. To Understand that it wasn't one's fault, yes. But why is it so imortant to forgive a perp? I think it is more important to forgive oneself and get rid of the shame and if it takes hate towards the perp, then start with that. The rest of the journey may depend on the ability to feel hate towards the perp and on the ability to understand the hate and direct it towards the right person instead of towards oneself.

Dusty's comment made plenty of sense to me... and I'm not forgetting that it is different for everybody.

Sincerely,
Pattycakes

_________________________
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.-Mother Theresa




Top
#336895 - 07/26/10 11:14 AM Re: Feedback needed on making progress [Re: Pattycakes]
broken13 Offline


Registered: 06/18/10
Posts: 37
Loc: ohio
I guess I was thinking general hate when I read it ... hate to the world and those that try to love you ... just hate - period.

I'm not totally sure hating the perp is best either but I don't know. All I know is that my husband hates his father and I don't know if this has built up a lot of anger inside of him or not. All I know is what we as the family live through and it's with an angry person ... not all of the time but it's underlying ... it's what brings on the short patience .... short temper.

I am not inside my husband's head but I do know what I have seen/felt from the outside and it just seems like with so many of these negative emotions, true happiness and enjoyment of life is hard to find ... peace is just hard ... that the hard core emotions just sit stagnant ready to manifest at the drop of a pin. Anything can set them off ... at any time. It just doesn't seem like a clam way to live. It's Jekyll and Hyde :-(

Also, since I have become faced with the pain of his seeking to "act out", I have not felt SETTLED one bit inside. My body feels different. So many negative emotions are stirring around. My heart rate is faster, my stomach is upset, my nerves are shot and I'm overall just sad and feel lifeless. I can have fun moments with my hubby/kids but it's a disturbing feeling that just sits there in my pit and I don't know how people live like this. My heart goes out for any that can't find that true peace ... whatever negative emotion is trapped inside of them keeps them from just being "comfortable". I've been like this for the last 6 months and it's awful ....... so yeah, not sure if hate brings on a lot of other things but I do believe the more negative emotions we hold on to feed off of either other :-(

_________________________
... when you feel like you are falling to the bottom remember God will either catch you or teach you how to fly

... there is a cost to the soul of a person when trust is broken.

Top
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.