I think hate can be a good thing sometimes. If Dusty feels it helped him then why not? Maybe it is hard to stop 'loving' a perp or to stop feeling guilty about the perp stopping giving the child 'attention'. Don't forget that many men were abused by family members whom they loved despite the abuse. Sometimes the perp was the only person to give a kid any attention at all. And when the abuse stops, it leaves the child confused and feeling abandonned. Not in all cases but in some, for sure. So, getting to hating that perp may be the first step for some people. Why should anyone forgive what was done to them? To accept it and try to work through it, yes. To Understand that it wasn't one's fault, yes. But why is it so imortant to forgive a perp? I think it is more important to forgive oneself and get rid of the shame and if it takes hate towards the perp, then start with that. The rest of the journey may depend on the ability to feel hate towards the perp and on the ability to understand the hate and direct it towards the right person instead of towards oneself.
Dusty's comment made plenty of sense to me... and I'm not forgetting that it is different for everybody.
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.-Mother Theresa