Thank you everyone, especially wifey and dave. I do not mean to exclude anyone else, just that those are folks I feel I "know" (ironic, eh?) a little better, and dammit wifey, you made me cry (in a good way).
I do need to respond to one part of this whole discussion, which is:
I have put energy into the relationship with my wife, and continue to every day. I hug her, hold her, support her. I tell her everything will be all right. I tuck her and the baby in every night. My stepson has diabetes, and I give him his bedtime shot, and snack, then tuck him in as well, because his mother is inevitably sidetracked with the three month old. Her grandmother is staying with us in our one bathroom house, ostensibly to help out, but at 86, frankly, she just cannot help that much, nor really should she. I do not mean to litanize, but the flip answer that women are sooo tired and men never pay attention just doesn't hold water with me here.
Apparently along with being tired and guilty and sad and lonely, I am also pissed off. Great.
And let the darkness fear our light.