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#336281 - 07/18/10 04:49 PM My life in ruins....
Zan72 Offline


Registered: 07/01/10
Posts: 24
Does anyone feel like me or in the same situation?

I'm 37 years old, but feel like i've been in a coma for years and just now waking up. I feel like my life isn't real, like someone else has been living my life and I have to now pick up the pieces. I've never really been happy. I can't deal with any sort of stress or it sends me overboard. I"m jobless, moneyless and don't know what else to do. This last panic/anxiety attack made we lose my job and I've been unemployed for 4 months. I'm at my wits end. I'm trying to look for work, but not car. It broke down and don't have the money to fix it. Everytime I think about interviewing for jobs, I start to panic and can't go through with it. How am I suppose to live this way? I can't live off my roommate for the rest of my life. I know he cares and has let me stay here rent free for these past months, but I can't keep doing that to him. I don't know what other options I have. I know I need therapy. I did get a number from my therapist to call an organization called MOCSA. Maybe I'll just have to put my job search on hold and try to get therapy first. Sometimes I just think I'm losing my mind or they should just put me in a looney bin and throw away the key.

_________________________
*The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

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#336292 - 07/18/10 06:29 PM Re: My life in ruins.... [Re: Zan72]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1962
Zan,

I am 38 (was born in 1972) and can relate. My financial situation has improved because I had a pretty decent job. It ended the end of June (it was known it was going to end; they closed to location here.) But I do worry that I could slip back into that place. I know the struggle. Maybe not to the level you are describing, but I understand. And yes, the past often seems like a dream, kind of like "how did this all happen?" It can get better, but it might take some work. What kind of job are you looking for? I understand the fear of looking for work when you have anxiety and panic attack issues. If you can get those under control, that would be good. Not sure what else to say other than I understand what you are saying. Keep reaching out and keep dealing with the past that keeps messing up the present. More of us can probably related than you would imagine. You really are not alone in what happened.

Eric


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#336293 - 07/18/10 07:11 PM Re: My life in ruins.... [Re: ericc]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my brothers.

My brother Zan, i feel sad for you.

I hope that things start looking up for you soon.

But be careful my brother, you have way too many things on your plate to deal with.

I offer you the only things that i posess (other than my name).

Is my compassion, understanding & love.

Best of luck for you, Heal well my brother Zan, heal well.

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#336297 - 07/18/10 07:50 PM Re: My life in ruins.... [Re: Zan72]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6867
Loc: USA
Zan,

Yes, I went through a time like you are going through. What happened to me was I remembered abuse I experienced as a child. I had all kinds of PTSD and depression and then I became unemployed for a while.

Keep us posted here and maybe we can help you figure something out.

Allen

pufferfish


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#336319 - 07/18/10 11:55 PM Re: My life in ruins.... [Re: pufferfish]
dusty42 Offline


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 111
Loc: Kentucky
I'm surprised your therapist hasn't suggested you get on disability or SSI. I now exactly how you feel, been there, done that many many times. I was conceived in hate, born into hate, raised in hate. Not that anybody cares squat about it. But it did destroy my life. I had no one to turn to and still don't. It took me over 50 years to break away from my hateful family and my health sank. I couldn't take it anymore and decided to just end it all. Before I could die someone who pretended to be my friend had me rushed to the hospital when I was "saved". Yeah, saved. Right. I could have died a nice peaceful death, but no, false friends had to see to it that I live. Now I've been diagnosed with adenocarcinoma. Thats cancer. Talk about a life in ruin.

_________________________
Pinky: "Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"
The Brain: "The same thing we do every night, Pinky—try to take over the world."

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#336321 - 07/19/10 12:06 AM Re: My life in ruins.... [Re: dusty42]
Zan72 Offline


Registered: 07/01/10
Posts: 24
Sorry to hear about that Dusty. I hope you find the peace you want and deserve.

Sometimes I wish I would die and finally rest in peace. If I had SSI or disablity, that might help and give me a chance to let therapy take its course, but not sure why they haven't recommended it.

_________________________
*The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

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#336424 - 07/20/10 02:07 PM Re: My life in ruins.... [Re: Zan72]
dusty42 Offline


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 111
Loc: Kentucky
Bring it up to your therapist or psych. Once they get the ball rolling get an attorney right away. They only charge when you win your disability/SSI case, and they take a percentage of it. If you don't win you don't pay.

I went to the oncologist yesterday, my tests results weren't sent to him. He dug at the cancer to get some to examine and now I'm in even more pain. But I'm not suppose to end my own life, that's wrong. Is it right to ask me to live in this hate, cruelty, and misery while all I get is cut and paste "compassionate, understanding and love"? I'm so sick of reading that phrase I could puke my guts out every time I see it. No thought whatsoever in it, just "copy and paste" every day.

_________________________
Pinky: "Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"
The Brain: "The same thing we do every night, Pinky—try to take over the world."

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