I remember the day the flood gates opened. Years of shame and guilt poured out of me. I was stoned out of my tree, and divulged everything to my now ex-girlfriend. The masturbation habits, the porn, the abuse I suffered, and everything else I had kept secret for so long. I left everything on the table that day.
I moved back in with my parents, and left her. My first night back I told my parents and my brother everything: the drugs, the lies, the mess my life had become. I literally spilled everything I had been hiding since the age of 8 years old.
I couldn't hold it in anymore. The burden of hiding everything was eating away at me. I felt like a failure in my dad's eyes and a terrible role model to my brother. I had to wipe the slate clean, and that I did. From then on, I lost my ability to hide and keep secrets.
I cannot suppress my feelings, and believe me I tried. When I am bothered with something I have to tell someone. Whether it be a close friend, here at MS, my girlfriend Michelle, or my parents it has to come out.
I have also started to vocalize the abuse I suffered. Each time I say it, I am hammering home, a painful, but necessary fact. The more I say it, the power it has over me diminishes.
I am the warrior.