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#33632 - 01/07/03 01:22 PM The back burner
asher Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/17/02
Posts: 19
Loc: St. Louis
Things left on the back burner for too long always bubble over. That's what I've been thinking about a lot in the last few weeks. I learned about the abuse -- was in therapy about it -- more than three years ago. After about six months of therapy, I moved from Missouri to California and tried to put the abuse on the back burner in my life. But now the memories are bubbling up, starting to consume my life in ways that I never imagined possible. I just wanted to get ahead in my career, spend time with my wonderful partner and my pets. I have this dream of running a marathon and writing a novel (not necessarily in that order), and I had several promising starts on those two projects. But I sabotaged myself, and now I realize that I did so because I had unfinished business with the abuse. I wonder if I'll always have unfinished business with the abuse; if it will be this festering sore that returns again and again. Reminds me of chronic STDs like herpes that never really go away but aren't always bothersome. My "sexually transmitted disease" is the mental kind.

When I put all the abuse memories and feelings back away and tried to move on with my life, I didn't go anywhere. I realize that now. Therapy was painful and difficult, yes, but I'm returning to it anyway, putting this issue on the front burner for a while. Wish me luck, and let me know what you think.

asher


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#33633 - 01/07/03 05:33 PM Re: The back burner
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Asher
all the people I know or deal with who cope with SA reasonably well have to work at it most of the time.

If we sit back and think "hey, I'm ok now" it creeps back and gets us.
I guess we eventually find our level of work vs coping.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#33634 - 01/07/03 05:42 PM Re: The back burner
michaelb Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 211
Loc: cincinnati, ohio
Asher......i too have tried running from the abuse for a very long time...Facing it now is so much harder than i could possibly have imagined, but everybody here keeps telling me things get better if you deal with it...I'm still not sure i believe them, but what choice do i have, besides suicide or alcoholism?????
michael


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#33635 - 01/07/03 09:36 PM Re: The back burner
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Asher:

Your analogy of SA as a mental STD is very thot-provoking. Perhaps a topic for one of your books?

Also an intriguing point about sabotaging your attempts to move on with your life and achieve your dreams & goals, becuz you had unfinished abuse business.

Well, I do too, for sure; and maybe always will, like a mental STD! But I do think I can come to the place where it doesn't affect me so much and I can achieve goals, can move on with my life.

I also know that it's kinda hard to move ahead in life when I'm stuck & drowning in the quicksand of my abuse.

I think in recovery I'm at the point where I've been pulled out of the quicksand & am starting to clean off the crap & move on. That may take a lifetime, and I know I've gotta watch out for other quicksand pits.

Still, its therapy, and then other things, that have pulled me out and are helping me clean up & move on.

As long as you are getting good therapy, I think it's a good step out of the pit & forward, Asher. So WTG! Take care.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#33636 - 01/08/03 01:05 PM Re: The back burner
asher Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/17/02
Posts: 19
Loc: St. Louis
Thanks for the encouragement. I'm just so tired of dealing with this all the time. I wish I could have a month or a year free from all the anxiety and uncertainty of the sexual abuse. Imagine what I could accomplish for myself!

Anyway, I'll keep plugging along. Your suggestions and ideas are all really helpful. Thank you.

asher


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