Hey guys, just checking in to say hello and to let you know I am doing well. I am truly happy to say that recovery is possible and it is wonderful.

Best thing about it is I don't care how or who helped program my dysfunctional thinking, I just want it corrected. The part of recovery where you place the blame where it belongs and take responsibility for your actions is empowering and scary at the same time but it is the beginning of freedom. It takes time and everyone is different in regards to this timing. I can remember waiting for that day to arrive but it passed me by, it came but it was so subtle I did not know I had achieved it. Its like I woke up one day and realized that I had not thought about recovery or the CSA or anything to do with it for a very long time. I had been working on living and forgot about all the things that had for so long tormented me. Once I got to this point I was able to begin the rest of the process which is an ongoing less stressful process called living.

I can't say all of that with out telling you I blamed all of my problems on the molestation for most of my life and it is part of the process so if you find yourself in this phase as you read this remember its okay it takes time to complete the journey. For me to say be patient would be unfair because I was not patient, who would be when we know there is a brighter day waiting for us. The fact that you are wanting this freedom so bad is evidence that screams I know I deserve better and I am ready for it. All part of the process, proof that you are on the road to recovery, if it were not part of the process it would not happen and we would not be discussing it.

Just know that where you are now is right where you need to be, try to relax and have faith that it will happen in time.

God Bless all of you,

John Oarc

Hi John,

Good to hear from you. Thanks for checking in and sharing some encouraging thoughts on your progress and hope for our progress.

I am certainly finding out that healing from CSA and its effects is an epic journey of self-discovery. It requires assessment and reassignment of my presuppositions and thought processes that were deformed by the tradgedies of my past. This is done through a lot of pain and heartache. Fortunately though, there are victories along the way that bring peace and accomplishment. This keeps me going.

Thanks again John. It is great to hear that you are doing well.

Mike

John,

Thanks for checking in. I always got a lot from your posts when I first found this site. A couple things you said above really make sense, and are things I need to think about. First, I really need to get to that point when I can accept some personal responsibility for some of the stuff in my life. At some point, regardless of the past, I need to make good choices in the present. I try, but sometimes I make mistakes. Also, there are things that happened in the past that I own, regardless of the context. Your comment on blaming all of your problems on the molestation hits home as well. Life is complex and I think I at times view everything through the filter of what happened in the past, even though some things just are independent of that. I tend to allow myself to be tied down by what happened instead of getting myself free from it. Well, I am getting more free in time I think. I just need to keep working at it. Anyway, thanks for sharing.

Eric

Mike, love you man. Thanks for the reply and good to hear you are well.

John O

Hi, Eric great to hear from you. From the sound of your post you are kicking butt. I can remember doing things I knew were not positive for me. I used the CSA like a get out of jail free card "I had been molested and I needed to use porn, alcohol, sex...... to help me get through the day." Feels good knowing I don't have to depend on anything but God, no guilt in that, no sorrow or shame just love and peace.

Be yourself, I love you.

John O

Thank you, for checking in John...

In my limited time here...I have seen several come and go...(rarely checking in ~or~ even saying goodbye...it really makes me wonder)...

Thank you, for your inspiring words...


If Today Was Your Last Day (Nickelback)

island

Island,

This site and the great people here helped me get to this point in my life, I will probably never stop checking in.

Stay strong have faith.

Man those words just felt heavy. I can remember hearing them and feeling weighted down by them, I felt like I had no strength no faith but that was not true I was progressing and did not know it, had strength and never knew it, had faith and could not feel it.

My words to you are not empty thoughts you pull out of a bank of "things to say," I love you and I mean it when I say stay strong have faith, you are going to make it through this.


John O