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#336203 - 07/17/10 02:55 AM Uncomfortable around young children
Alchemist Offline


Registered: 07/03/10
Posts: 9
Loc: Florida
I've always felt uncomfortable being around young kids. I get scared, not for myself but for them. I have no desire to hurt them in anyway but it's more like a feeling of helplessness. This became very apparent to me recently went I went to visit some family and the possibility of being asked to babysit my niece who is 12 months old struck me with incredible fear. Thankfully my parents (her grandparents) babysat instead.

I'm fine being around young kids, but the idea of being left alone with them makes me extremely uncomfortable. I'm not afraid of becoming a perp. It's something else that I can't seem to identify.

There also seems to be an age cutoff around 12 or 13. I've babysat my cousins and taken them to movies and stuff just fine. But they are over 12.

I was abused by the first perp when I was 6 and by the second one from 10 until after I turned 12. Is there a connection to my fear?

It's particularly strange because I'm not the kind of person that gets scared of things. I'm in a fairly dangerous career field within the military. I love doing adventurous things like white water rafting ect

Why would I be scared of a little kid? This is frustrating because my two older brothers just recently had children last year. I have a niece and a nephew that I am proud of and love very much, I want to feel comfortable in the future taking them fishing or to a theme park.

Has anyone else experienced this?

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"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known."
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#336205 - 07/17/10 03:58 AM Re: Uncomfortable around young children [Re: Alchemist]
lgdan84 Offline


Registered: 07/11/10
Posts: 29
Loc: California
I kinda feel this way too. i was abused from the ages of 6-8 by my baby sitters oldest son who was a year older than i was.. I would never do something to a child and even touching them kinda feels wierd to me because i know that, being a victim myself, abuse does happen and being around them ALONE brings back flashbacks of what had happened to me when i was alone with another child. I also feel that people would judge as if i would abuse their child and this makes me uncomfortable. I dont have a child, but now that i think of it, leaving them alone with someone would make me too very uncomfortable having experienced it first hand. I hope that this helps you some...


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#336211 - 07/17/10 08:35 AM Re: Uncomfortable around young children [Re: lgdan84]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
I used to have this too. Maybe I still do if the conditions are right. For me I broke it down like this. Somewhere in myself I know intrinsically all the things done to me stole my childhood and that small seemiongly insignificanmt things to others had great negative effect on me. Then there is the fact that I do not know what "normal" is for a childhood.

So I decided the disconfort was because I was afraid I'd unintentionally say or do something that would harm the child emotionally or mentally and not even know it. And I also do not know what "normal" is so I might be too open or closed with them also doing harm.

I didn't get this way always I changed diapers just fine for friends children read them Dr. Suess as they sat on my lap, but there is a point when children notice I'm somehow not like other adults. Some give me a pass and others choose to pick on me and others pull away. They all lose the connection we had before the illusion broke for them. I stay away because that point in time is usually a break is very painful for me.

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As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#336220 - 07/17/10 01:22 PM Re: Uncomfortable around young children [Re: kidneythis]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
Hi Alchemist,

I think the fear you feel, especially with children in the age range when you were abused, could be because you are taken back to that time in your life when you were vulnerable and more than one person took advantage it. Not that you fear you could take advantage of a child but that you are subconsciously reliving your own tragedy through another child's vulnerability. It is not uncommon for survivors to have fear or anxiety around children, especially if their care is entrusted to us. It is good that you are exploring this fear. Once you get a sense of where it is coming from and why you are experiencing it, you can begin to be freed from it just as kidneythis describes.

Originally Posted By: lgdan84
I also feel that people would judge as if i would abuse their child and this makes me uncomfortable.
I also have this feeling and I hate it. I know I would never hurt a child but in this age of heightening CSA awareness. However, through the filter of my own CSA experience, my mind canít help but dwell on what others may think.

I appreciate your willingness to share this with us Alchemist. Please keep sharing. I believe you can get through this.

Mike


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#336325 - 07/19/10 01:09 AM Re: Uncomfortable around young children [Re: Barkabus]
Alchemist Offline


Registered: 07/03/10
Posts: 9
Loc: Florida
I appreciate all of your input. It does make sense that kids that age are some kind of reminder or trigger. At the very least it is always nice to know I'm not crazy and others have felt the same way.

_________________________
"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known."
-Carl Sagan

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#336326 - 07/19/10 01:49 AM Re: Uncomfortable around young children [Re: Alchemist]
alone Offline


Registered: 03/05/09
Posts: 55
.



Edited by alone (01/11/11 12:09 AM)

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#337167 - 07/29/10 12:58 AM Re: Uncomfortable around young children [Re: alone]
Alchemist Offline


Registered: 07/03/10
Posts: 9
Loc: Florida
Just to clarify (because there seems to be some confusion). I don't have any thoughts of doing anything with a child. If I did, I'd find the nearest bridge.

What I feel is just that, uncomfortable. To use an analogy I thought of recently, it is like meeting someone from a completely foreign culture. You just don't feel at ease because you don't know how to understand them....or like seeing something that triggers being nervous. Like a Calculus book (if you were as bad as it as I was) but obviously in a much deeper way.

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"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known."
-Carl Sagan

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#337174 - 07/29/10 03:47 AM Re: Uncomfortable around young children [Re: Alchemist]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1977
What I really think, is that in a lot of these cases the abuse from the past puts us in a messed up place and it gets manifested in different ways. I would bet in most cases the uncomfortable feelings, however they come across, are often not what they seem anyway. It goes back to the past of the individual that was abused/violated. I think sometimes anxiety and fear trigger uncomfortable feelings. Anyway, whatever anyone's deal is with kids, if you have thoughts that come across as hurtful/damaging, in no case act of them. Thoughts are just thoughts and can be triggered from anything. Even if it is just uncomfortableness, I bet it is just fear and anxiety from one's own past. Truth be told, I often have a hard time relating to kids. I am getting better at it but it is hard. I don't know the right way to act myself, but I think a lot of it has to do with the walls I put up for so long I certainly didn't do much interacting with kids, let alone the fear I had that what if I could cross that line. I have no interest in that, but I bet it is a common fear for survivors, at least some, as we all know how lines do get crossed. Let alone the fear I have that all people think badly of me and therefore make assumptions about me that I then take on (all garbage in my head.) All this goes way back for me. Good stuff to think about.


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#337250 - 07/30/10 01:14 AM Re: Uncomfortable around young children [Re: ericc]
samuelC Offline


Registered: 07/30/10
Posts: 6
i feel that way but about grown ups. im 13 and it happened to me when i was 5-7 and 9-11. i dont like being alone with men. idk this post probably didnt help you but i wanted to say something


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#337309 - 07/31/10 12:15 AM Re: Uncomfortable around young children [Re: samuelC]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
ďIt's particularly strange because I'm not the kind of person that gets scared of things. I'm in a fairly dangerous career field within the military. I love doing adventurous things like white water rafting ectĒ

I donít know if you read a recent post of mine concerning doing adventurous things like white water rafting but you and I sound similar in a lot of regards, especially when it comes to or fear of children.

Like you Iíve chosen a number of dangerous career fields, the military being one of them, along with being a bicycle messenger for a number of years, as well as the risky work I do now, yet none of this scared me in the same way that facing my own internal vulnerability does when in contact with children. I just canít relate to them, but more to the point being around kids inevitably triggers me to remember what I have lost, if this makes any sense. Itís gotten to the point that I have denied my own youth, as in its easier to believe that I never was a child than face what I went thru back then. Jason


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Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And weíll change the world.


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