I remembered a lot of stuff while in bad last night.
This will be graphic and maybe triggering.

I remember now that I did not know how to use the toilet when I was left at the shelter. Someone had to be with me always to make sure I went and to protect me since I was always attacked if I went into the bathroom w/o a protector. I was constipated because they put butter on everything and served practically nothing fibrous. It was all carbs. I hated the food. The person chosen to help me was always mean and unhelpful which prevented proper function. That person was always picked on for helping whitey so that explains some of the meanness. I have a particular memory in my head of a stool stuck part the way out and she was yelling at me not to push but I knew pushing was the only thing that would help. She prevented me from evacuating and I don't know when I ever got relief the memory ends with her forcing me off the toilet because I was taking too long and she was missing play time.

I was shown by some woman how to pee in a urinal. I never knew I was supposed to have at least one bowel movement everyday until I was almost thirty. Until then I went maybe twice a week sometimes I had 6 or more days between movements. Not knowing it wasn't normal I assumed all the problems you might imagine, cramps etc, were just because I was so defective as I had been trained to believe.

Funny when I started to eat right and go more often one day I started to notice an attitude/outlook change in myself. I was ashamed of this not knowing about proper bowel function until a few years ago after I had my first colonoscopy. I don't think I told anyone until just last year. Red meat plugs me up terribly.
BTW for those similarly afflicted by red meat lamb digests much more easily.



Edited by kidneythis (07/15/10 03:32 PM)
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As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.