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#336021 - 07/14/10 11:29 AM Did your Dad teach you how to Pee?
Sobernow Offline


Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
This is very embarassing to admit --- but I guess when I was a young boy - I guess my mom taught me how to pee. I do remember as a young boy, that I went with her to the women's restroom - cause I guess my dad was never around to take me to the bathroom. But at home?, I wonder why I don't recall him teaching me how to pee at home ------- like a MAN.

You see, even today - i prefer to sit on the toilet at home rather than stand and pee. Actually, when I am around other men in a public toilet (already posted that anxiety problem on here) --- I stand up - no problem. It is more comfortable standing - and the plumbing (mine) is easier to use and put away. But at home, I continue to sit down - even when my wife is around. As you men know, you actually have to hold your penis down - push it down - if you sit on the toilet and need to pee.

So my question is --- do dads usually teach their son's to stand and pee? I don't recall my dad ever doing it -- i hardly remember a time when we went into a public toilet together --- probably i am partly to blame - cause I was scared to death of a public toilet area --- but it seems odd that i don't ever remember my dad teaching me. I do remember seeing him in the bathroom when i was taking a bath as a young boy - and watching him stand and pee ---- but by then i was already in my pussy routine. it makes me sick and mad..........

I feel like a freak

I hate to ask this question -- but where else can I ask it --- do gay guys sit down to pee? Sorry, I don't want to offend anyone and apologize in advance for my stupidity and ignorance ----- but i just have questions i need to ask.

just treat me like a stupid kid i guess.

thanks guys for your help with seeing how my shitty life came into being.


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#336026 - 07/14/10 11:48 AM Re: Did your Dad teach you how to Pee? [Re: Sobernow]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
Not me that I recall. My plumbing doesn't work right unless I hold it and keep the undies stretch band down due to the tournequet my aunt tied around my penis in an attempt to amputate it and make me a girl.
When standing I have to work at relaxing the muscles to pee but not so much I shit myself and kind of force the pee out which doesn't allow for complete emptying. I suppose this is due to the sexual abuse in the Shelter and explains the man who posed as my father figure all the while monitoring me for memories sneaking back into my mind, teaching me to do kegle exercises.
Sitting I can relax and let it flow and get complete emptying.
I was ashamed of this and probably wouldn't tell just anyone about it. Now I don't care as long as I can empty and stay dry.



Edited by kidneythis (07/14/10 11:51 AM)
_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#336028 - 07/14/10 12:03 PM Re: Did your Dad teach you how to Pee? [Re: kidneythis]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3369
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
nope - he did'nt teach me - though I am sure that I saw him peeing as he'd walk in to the bathroom whenever he wanted

dad was a very "hands off" father - basicaly let mom raise us 2 boys as she saw fit

I really don't even remember mom teaching me anything about peeing - strangely... when i think back... the memory that comes to my mind is of my maternal grandmother holding my penis and telling me to go

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#336030 - 07/14/10 12:18 PM Re: Did your Dad teach you how to Pee? [Re: TJ jeff]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Actually, I was born knowing how to pee. It was with great difficulty my parents taught me NOT to pee a the wrong time.

I remember vaguely not wearing a diaper anymore. I was wearing little boy pants which had elastic around the waist but they didn't have a fly. So the whole thing, pants and briefs, had to be pulled down. This took extra time and was not welcome. Taking extra time meant increased probability of failure frown It was not long afterward that I was inducted into kiddie abuse frown frown

One of my mother's stories was how the toilet lid slammed on "it" when I was trying to pee into the toilet at around age 4. This was a rather unhappy event. eek My mom loved telling stories to people especially if they were embarrassing.

Allen

pufferfish whistle





Edited by pufferfish (07/14/10 03:21 PM)
Edit Reason: added material

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#336057 - 07/14/10 05:25 PM Re: Did your Dad teach you how to Pee? [Re: pufferfish]
Ischyros Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/10
Posts: 78
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
This, and the thread about shaving, are quite moving to me. Thanks, Sobernow.

Like TJ, I also remember my maternal grandmother standing next to me in front of the toilet as a very little kid, encouraging me to pee in the water... My father didn't teach me to shave or pee or much of anything. And for some reason I felt deeply ashamed at the idea of asking him about anything like that. He wasn't necessarily a bad guy, and not a perp to me - he was just incredibly absent and withdrawn and out of it.

During the first few days of my freshman year of college, the incoming class was invited to a reception at the dean's home which was "jacket and tie," and I was panicked because I didn't know how to tie a necktie. I finally asked my freshman roommate to tie my tie for me, and I remember feeling totally humiliated and thinking, "Why didn't my father teach me to do this?"

PS. As to Sobernow's other question - I'm gay, and I only sit down to pee when I get up out of bed in the middle of the night, because it solves the, er, aim problem in the dark bathroom - and I hate turning the light on because it hurts my eyes grin

_________________________
Proud survivor and WoR alumnus - Sequoia, April 2010

I want to live in the world
Not inside my head
I want to live in the world
I want to stand and be counted
With the hopeful and the willing
With the open and the strong...

--Jackson Browne, "Alive In the World"

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#336071 - 07/14/10 10:43 PM Re: Did your Dad teach you how to Pee? [Re: Ischyros]
Mulligan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/15/10
Posts: 94
Loc: USA
I can't really remember my dad teaching me to pee, but I had two older brothers and lived in the country. We peed outside 99% of the time, standing up of course(mom wouldn't let us in the house). I just took my youngest son to the bathroom at Target, since he is not tall enough to pee into the potty we stand on the lid. LOL. He is a pretty good shot to hit it from that distance at 2.

_________________________
Because I never give up the fight!

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#336092 - 07/15/10 08:45 AM Re: Did your Dad teach you how to Pee? [Re: Mulligan]
Sobernow Offline


Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
Mulligan:
Thanks for sharing about your son at Target ---------- if I could live a dream ---- it would have been me and my dad being able to have the same type of experience......... weird huh???

I think that this is just a phase I am going thru -- since starting counseling for csa. Anger issues towards my dad and others --- but primarily now stuck on my dad.


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#336097 - 07/15/10 10:18 AM Re: Did your Dad teach you how to Pee? [Re: Sobernow]
Mulligan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/15/10
Posts: 94
Loc: USA
Sobernow:

I have an extreme amount of anger directed at my father right now, although he was not my perp, his desicions of inaction led to my unfortunate circumstances.

Is it possible you are greiving the loss of a normal childhood? I know I have.

Your brother,
Billy

_________________________
Because I never give up the fight!

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#336101 - 07/15/10 12:33 PM Re: Did your Dad teach you how to Pee? [Re: Mulligan]
Brian Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 1563
Loc: Upstate NY
I'm currently teaching my 3 year old to pee standing up. He is still a little to short for it to be a comfortable process but I try to make it fun. I throw 4 or 5 fruit loops or cherios in the toilet and we try to sink them. Marksmanship is very important at that age!

My wife and I adopted Daniel from Kazakhstan 2 years ago and he was not circumsized. My wife didn't want to put him "through all the trama" at a year old but he asks why we are different. A few weeks ago, she said she made a mistake. At 3 years old, I don't want to put him through it.

I never had anyone teach me to shave or even when, why or how to use deordarant. I still deal with these shame issues from my younger days. My son won't have the same issues as I did when I was a young boy.

Brian

_________________________
Recovery is Possible!

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#336103 - 07/15/10 12:59 PM Re: Did your Dad teach you how to Pee? [Re: Mulligan]
Sobernow Offline


Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
yes - i believe i am grieving.
i have lots of anger also - right now --- its strange cause i never had anger towards my father before.
its very draining emotionally.


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