Newest Members
MorganWut, myrlin, AaronS, BookHouseBoy, WeFallWeRise
12464 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Asmodeus (31), comeath3 (75), Roy (53), Skeeter (55), tazrad (43), Treehugger75 (39), waterworld (53)
Who's Online
5 registered (woodenshoes, don64, 3 invisible), 20 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12464 Members
74 Forums
63991 Topics
446660 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#336096 - 07/15/10 09:46 AM And what about the perp ?
Gongas Offline


Registered: 03/23/09
Posts: 21
Loc: Europe
My brother in law told me some time ago that he was abused by older brother in law for what seems like an awful lot of time. He said it started when he was about 7/8. Older brother is 9 years older. Apparently it went until younger brother was approx 22; by then older BIL had already married and living with his wife(!). Younger BIL said that even then, older BIL came to his parents' house once in a while just to have sex with him ....
Then, apparently younger BIL put an end to it.
I guess at some time the abuse became something of a (homosexual and incestuous) consensual relationship because as I see it, after a certain age there is no way older BIL could force himself on to younger BIL. Am I seeing things correctly?
Anyway, my question is this: older BIL is extremely close to our family (my husband) and my two – now adult – children. He is like our best friend, always has. While younger BIL is admittedly bisexual, there has never been any doubt (not that we know of) about older BIL’s sexuality. He is a macho through and through.
He is the son his parents love best, his children absolutely adore him and so do his friends and everyone around him.
All of this seems absurd to me knowing what I know now.
I have no doubt that younger BIL was telling me the truth so, what kind of person is older BIL really after all? As I see it he must be severely “damaged” up in the head, but how is it possible it just doesn’t show??
And since he never received any counselling himself (unlike younger BIL who actively sought counselling), is one to assume that he is still the same guy that abused his younger brother for over 14 years or has he changed?
And why did he pick younger brother instead of, say, my husband who is closer to his age and has always been his best friend??
Does any of this make sense to you?


Top
#336106 - 07/15/10 02:04 PM Re: And what about the perp ? [Re: Gongas]
wayne9 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 161
Loc: alabama
Gongas, my thoughts on this would be looking at my perp...he seems to live a normal life. He is married, as children, and grandchildren. Nothing about his character would lead anyone to believe he would have ever done this. I sometimes wonder has he done it with anyone else or was it just me for what ever reason I don't know.


Top
#336110 - 07/15/10 03:10 PM Re: And what about the perp ? [Re: wayne9]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
I think the proper term is psychopath.

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

Top
#336129 - 07/15/10 08:16 PM Re: And what about the perp ? [Re: kidneythis]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 733
Loc: NJ
"I guess at some time the abuse became something of a (homosexual and incestuous) consensual relationship because as I see it, after a certain age there is no way older BIL could force himself on to younger BIL. Am I seeing things correctly?"

No, your seeing it completly wrong.

_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

Top
#336138 - 07/16/10 12:05 AM Re: And what about the perp ? [Re: Castle]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
I think Castle is correct. The problem lies in the fact that the victimization begins sometimes at such an early age. The perpetrator establishes a kind of power over the victim that may times lasts into their adult years. In such cases there's nothing about it that can be considered anything but abusive because of the power the stronger of the individuals still holds over the other.

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

Top
#336139 - 07/16/10 12:16 AM Re: And what about the perp ? [Re: WalkingSouth]
calv Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/27/10
Posts: 45
Loc: seattle
Things ain't always what they appear!

_________________________
“When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something’s suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful.” Barbara Bloom

Top
#336158 - 07/16/10 12:34 PM Re: And what about the perp ? [Re: calv]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
I'd like to echo John aka Walkingsouth's statement...it is quite true. I'd also suggest that you consider all of the instances of serial molesters, rapists, murderers and the like and that moment when they are caught...TV interviews with the neighbors, family and friends...it's always the same thing..."He seemed so nice....we had no idea...I can't imagine that...he was just a great guy" This guy obviously has an ability to compartmentalize on a grand scale.

Rarely do these kind of power/sex tendencies just go away with these types. I don't want to give you too much to think about, but since you are asking us here, you might consider who his victims might have been since your brother in law put an end to it.

Oh, and macho means nothing...absolutely nothing other than it's a good cover if one is so inclined to need one.

good luck

_________________________
the family
the perp

Top
#336159 - 07/16/10 12:52 PM Re: And what about the perp ? [Re: sono]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
That got past me until Castle posted. I am also adding my vote to that truth.

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

Top
#336176 - 07/16/10 03:47 PM Re: And what about the perp ? [Re: Gongas]
Pattycakes Offline


Registered: 05/23/10
Posts: 109
Loc: Canada
Hi Gongas,

I'd like to add my two cents to this thread...

Quote:
And why did he pick younger brother instead of, say, my husband who is closer to his age and has always been his best friend??


I'd like to say that sexual abuse is not about sex. It's about power over somebody, over a child. The oldest brother chose the youngest, probably because he was the easiest to manipulate. The second brother, your husband, would probably have been too old to trick into keeping the abuse a secret.

Oh, and may I add that many, many criminals like your brother-in-law are two faced. There is no way anyone would know just by looking at him. Just the same as not knowing if someone is right or left handed by looking at them.

I'm happy your younger brother-in-law is seeking therapy. I wish him all the best in his recovery. It must be so hard for him ...

Sincerely,
Pattycakes

_________________________
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.-Mother Theresa




Top
#336185 - 07/16/10 05:48 PM Re: And what about the perp ? [Re: Gongas]
Mulligan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/15/10
Posts: 94
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Gongas
I guess at some time the abuse became something of a (homosexual and incestuous) consensual relationship because as I see it, after a certain age there is no way older BIL could force himself on to younger BIL. Am I seeing things correctly?


Physically speaking you may be right, younger brother in law might have been larger, stronger, etc and could have withstood physical advancments from older BIL. However your highly mentally ill older brother in law taught your younger brother in law how to be a victim. Thats why your older brother in law should bear the title "Sexual Predator" and be listed on a registry somewhere. Chances are pretty great there are more victims than you are aware of.

It is very easy to throw out the term "consensual" when you have never been mentally, physically, sexually, and emotionally abused over a long period of time. People with your brand of logic are what breads silence and shame. Which then puts in place an environment for this sickness to thrive.

And as far as this making any sense, it seems as though it might be out of a text book.

Sorry for being so abrupt. I know this can be mentally mind blowing for people who have no previous experience dealing with this type of evil.





Edited by Mulligan (07/16/10 05:49 PM)
Edit Reason: spelling
_________________________
Because I never give up the fight!

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.