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#336015 - 07/14/10 11:11 AM Did your Dad teach you to Shave?
Sobernow Offline


Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
When I was going thru puberty - my dad never said anything about anything - sex, hair in weird places, or shaving. I remember sitting in the bathtub when I was very young in grade school and early Jr High - my dad would be naked in the bathroom shaving - I thought it was neat seeing the shaving cream and the razor - kinda risky stuff!..... seeing his hairy body.... thinking I would be like him some day.
But when I got older and started having some fuzz on my chin - he never said a word....... i felt ignored i guess ...... maybe he didn't notice I was a man......... actually i felt ashamed that my body was changing i guess.
I remember locking the bathroom door --- using his shave cream and his second razor and shaving - like it was a big secret I had to keep --------- he probably knew i used his stuff ------- but he never said a word. i felt invisible and ashamed.
i wish he would have taught me at least something about growing up. maybe bought me my own razor. or even made a big deal about the fuzz on my face --- and announced perhaps that I was now a MAN. although it may have embarassed me, at least i would have been recognized as a MAN.
now when i look back -- it makes me mad.........

can anyone here relate?



Edited by Sobernow (07/14/10 11:11 AM)

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#336016 - 07/14/10 11:15 AM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: Sobernow]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11112
Loc: Denver, CO
My dad taught me nothing about growing up and changing. The lesson I got on shaving was minimal at best. I suspect it was more due to cluelessness on his part than just ignoring me. And I mean clueless. I asked him once why he never taught me the "facts of life," and the reply was that I never asked. i was wandering through that desert on my own.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#336018 - 07/14/10 11:19 AM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: FormerTexan]
Sobernow Offline


Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
I have a couple more things on my mind today I may post on. They mainly involve my dad or dad types of questions a young boy would have. I never got to ask them (he is dead now).
I feel like a young boy who has questions that were never asked - never answered.

It is weird to ask this shit.
Why have I never asked?
Why am I feeling the need to ask now?


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#336019 - 07/14/10 11:23 AM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: FormerTexan]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
Yup.

I was treated as an adult by almost everyone my whole life. That is only when it could be used to blame me for something, or shirk responsibility for not doing something having to do with me. It was real Spartan for me.
Everything I know I got on the streets one way or the other. I still learn things I should have been taught then every once in a while. I resented it only when I began to realize I had been deprived of it. Until then I asssumed I was defective for wanting to be taught and that was encouraged.

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#336023 - 07/14/10 11:36 AM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: kidneythis]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1342
Loc: kansas
i was never taugh how to shave. i had to learn on my own. there was a lot of things that i had to learn on my own... part of the reason i ask similar questions that you are asking because i'm so ignorant....

but yeah, my dad didn't teach me how to shave..

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#336027 - 07/14/10 11:57 AM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: Obi]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3369
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
my dad worked 60+ hours a week in a canning factory when I was a kid - he was always so wiped out from work that he hardly ever interacted with his 2 sons (unles it was to do something that "he" wanted to do)

he never really taught me how to shave - I think I might have seen him shaving a couple of times as a young kid when he'd come into the bathroom while I was in the bath/shower (but I really was'nt paying great attention to him because i was trying to clean my body to my mothers crazy standards (if she could rub your wet skin and get little balls of dead skin cells - then you where still a dirty little boy and would be in trouble))

when i started to shave I really had no clue... - I was afraid of cutting myself so i baught an electric shaver from the dept store i was working at - it was'nt untill i went into the military that I really learned how to use a razor

Keep asking questions... - it's how we learn that we are'nt alone in the things that we thought we where

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#336029 - 07/14/10 12:12 PM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: TJ jeff]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
My dad gave me an electric shaver. No words. He was "afraid" of me. He was a survivor and he still was very uneasy about his relationship to me.

Allen

pufferfish whistle

p.s. I watched him shave when I was a lad. That was my instruction. He had a razor blade sharpener. Remarkable invention. You insert a double-edged razor blade in it and turn the crank a bunch and you get a sharpened blade.





Edited by pufferfish (07/16/10 02:31 PM)
Edit Reason: p.s.

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#336033 - 07/14/10 12:42 PM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: pufferfish]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Nope Sobernow, my father didn't teach me to shave or pee. My perp gave me shaving lessons and some lessons about what you could do with the peeing member as well. No, dad taught me to be afraid of him and cringe at his touch and sound of his voice.

Kevin

_________________________
the family
the perp

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#336037 - 07/14/10 01:06 PM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: sono]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
My late wife (I don't know why I always say "late wife". She was always on time and I was always late smile ). Anyway, I was discussing with her how my father was always distant and remote and untouchable. At that time we didn't have any idea about CSA. She pointed out to me that it was the accepted concept of how men were to act with their families then. She even pointed out to me how Bill Cosby had made this information very public.

Allen

pufferfish whistle


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#336040 - 07/14/10 01:38 PM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: Sobernow]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 849
Loc: Kc,Mo
i never new my dad growing up and for some reason the fact that i had to have a friend show me how to shave has always bothered me for some reason. i have even brought it up to my wife how i had to go through life without the basics being shown to me. but the good thing is that i can show my 3 sons how to shave and the "basics" of growing up. but it is kinda cool to no that i am not the only one thinking about the little things that matter to me . that might not matter to someone else.

_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#336048 - 07/14/10 03:12 PM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: nltsaved]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
My dad didn't show me how to shave either. I was left to figure it out all on my own. I was also ashamed of the changes my body was going through when I hit puberty.

_________________________
My Story

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#336051 - 07/14/10 03:41 PM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: nltsaved]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Nope Dad never taught me how to shave, still don't know. I use an electric razor. He was sick and my parents got divorced when I was in 6th grade. I too feel wierd about it, I should know how to shave

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#336058 - 07/14/10 05:47 PM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: onlyakid]
Riley Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/11/09
Posts: 597
Loc: USA
I have asked this question as well. And no, my Dad never taught me to shave. First I was ashamed that my body was changing, mostly because my perp was mad at me because I was growing up. He taught me to shave only not my face. I later went out and bought an electric razor to shave my face. No one ever asked me how I learned to shave. By the way, to this day a non-electric shaver has never touched my face, I have no idea how to shave with a regular one, kind of sad for a 23 year old huh?? O yea and just thinking about shaving makes me feel gross.


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#336067 - 07/14/10 09:23 PM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: Riley]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
I just did it. I cut myself now and then but it's pretty simple and easy to teach yourself with I think it was the same razor handle I have now, a Schick twin blade. Maybe its a second one I'm using now I have tried several but always come back. That is what my father used. I still have all the different handles I tried.

Anyway if you want to just try it it makes you feel good to know you've done it yourself. Don't use much shave cream a dab smaller than a plum for the whole face should be fine, and go with the grain of the growth, slowly. The blade is dull when you start to feel it pulling at the hair. A sharp blade cuts the hair w/o effort and in my case I don't feel it. A dull blade leads to cuts. Men with thicker hair may be different. Use hot water and rinse the blade after each stroke. Cheap blades are just that, I usually get three shaves out of one. The full priced blades will last for five or more shaves on me. I still go cheap since I keep finding them for less than four bucks.
Good luck brother it's a good feeling to teach this to yourself.



Edited by kidneythis (07/14/10 09:24 PM)
_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#336069 - 07/14/10 10:00 PM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: kidneythis]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Sobernow, thank you for starting this thread.

I think many of us here have questions about our bodies, our hygiene, our mannerisms, etc. that our fathers never answered for us. And because I am now bonding with males for really the first time in my life here at MS, all the questions that I never had answered in my youth are starting to beg to be asked.

I, too, was never taught to shave (and I'm 38, Riley - don't be too embarrased, buddy. smile ). I was bought an electric shaver, and that was it. I have never quite dared to try to shave my face with a standard razor. I even bought a couple so I could try it, but I just don't know how to. Do I use water? Soap? Shaving cream? Do I need any of that at all?

I don't even know the difference between aftershave and cologne; I rarely use either one. All I know is not to put too much on.

I have no memory of learning to urinate, so I can't answer whether I was taught or not. I WAS taught to "lift the lid" by my mother and sister. lol

Here's another embarrassing moment - I remember when I was around 14(!) or so, I was playing cards with my mom and my sister. My sister kept sniffing the air with a grimace on her face. Finally she asked me if I had put on my deodorant that morning. I was too ashamed to tell her that I didn't know anything about deodorant/antiperspirant, so at first I lied and said yes. After she continued questioning me, I confessed that I didn't know how to use it. She couldn't believe that I was 14 and had never used any. She told me what to do and sent me off to my dad's bathroom to put some on. I remember my face burning with humiliation.

Bobcat


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#336077 - 07/14/10 11:28 PM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: nltsaved]
antonioe Offline


Registered: 07/09/10
Posts: 11
My parents divorced when I was four and my father was an irresponsible alcoholic, I taught myself pretty much everything, I left home for a 6month student exchange during college and never returned.

It would have been great if my father taught me "about life", in some weird way I did learn from him not to do what he did with his life, but I guess it would've been great to have at least some pointers from him while he was still alive...

_________________________

--------------------------------------------------
I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
Without ever having felt sorry for itself.

-- D.H. Lawrence

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#336087 - 07/15/10 03:45 AM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: antonioe]
Anomalous Offline
Greeter Coordinator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 1349
The only person I ever called "Dad" died before I started shaving. So I, too, taught myself.

But for all of us who were never taught, or who never learned, this is not something about which we should be denegrating ourselves.

There are many things in life that do not come naturally, and shaving is one of them.

Shaving is a complex activity. The shape of the area to be shaved is full of contours, not to mention the surface (your skin) is a moveable surface. Humidity, hair type (straight, curly, etc.) hair length, hair texture, skin tone, and skin color all go into the equation of shaving.

With so many variables to take into consideration, it is no wonder why many men do not know how to shave.

Even those who were "taught" either by their fathers (or father figures) or by other males (as in the armed services) do not know how to properly shave.

Have you ever seen movies in which a man is shaving as though he is trying to beat the clock?

This is NOT the time to be in a hurry!!!

Yet many males were taught to just rush through the process.

Shaving, in addition to being a part of your grooming, however frequently or infrequently you choose to do it, is also a time for you. A time to be with yourself. A time to take care of yourself.

For those who have not been taught how to shave, or who may not have been properly taught how to shave, here are a few links:

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/how-to-shave-a-beard.html

http://www.ehow.com/how_2116_shave-face.html

As usual, a caucasion man is shown. For men of color, pay particular attention to the prevention and treatment of razor bumps. Various razors are designed for men of color and/ or men with curly hair to avoid/ reduce razor bumps.


For some of the other things we may not have been taught, such as how to tie a tie, check these links:

http://www.tie-a-tie.net/

http://www.google.com/images?hl=en&q=how+to+tie+a+tie&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=univ&ei=ubk-TKTnJIO78gaJhtHdBA&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&ct=title&resnum=4&ved=0CEQQsAQwAw

The illustrations (and videos) are usually geared toward the right handed. As usual, we southpaws have to adapt.

I hope this helps.



Anomalous

_________________________
Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

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#336136 - 07/15/10 11:05 PM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: Sobernow]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
I learned how to shave in the military of all places. I was only 17 and didn't even need to shave but this one corporal I had in basic training insisted on teaching me so that's how I learned. He was an asshole overall but I thank him for teaching me that one thing.

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#336141 - 07/16/10 02:28 AM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: jls]
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 437
Loc: Colorado
I'm still looking for my father, I spent maybe an hour with him my whole life.

Nobody taught me most things, I figured them out for myself and it still carries a sense of loss. There is also a feeling of anger because I deserved better, I deserved a chance. When I bought my first razor I was laughed at and scrutinized. I don't get a sense of accomplishment from doing things on my own that are supposed to be milestones, it has always left the impression that I can handle and adapt to anything without side effects. My life is full of the side effects.

I was taught the correct way to shave in bootcamp, it grew to become a problem though.... my perps shaved my body during the years they hurt me, I don't even know when the puberty thing actually happened. So within a couple of years of learning I eventually couldn't use a razor anymore because of not being able to handle the way it felt against my skin. I still can't shave and can only use a trimmer.



_________________________
Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

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#336147 - 07/16/10 08:02 AM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: Riley]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2017
Loc: durham, north england
Originally Posted By: Riley
I By the way, to this day a non-electric shaver has never touched my face, I have no idea how to shave with a regular one, kind of sad for a 23 year old huh?? O yea and just thinking about shaving makes me feel gross.


Actually up until last year, I'd only ever used an electric razor myself, which my dad gave me when I was about fifteen. There was no special reason for this other than convenience, however last year I decided that it was too much of a pest and took too much time especially when I've been exercising.

So to rily and anyone else, it's really nothing to be ashamed of.

On the advice of my barber, I now use a fusion, which has a battery and electric mota, but wet shaves with cream, and I've actually found it a much nicer experience and give a better shave generally.

The only thing that always confuses me, is when on an occasion I haven't shaved for a while, a lot of my female friends say how much a beerd sutes me, yet my dad is adamant about shaving, ---- slightly weerd sinse he has serious wiskers himself.

I'm never really certain about my appearence, sinse I always read any complement as the other person being kind not as genuinely true, thus whether I should do x or y is always something that confuses me slightly.


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#336153 - 07/16/10 11:01 AM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: dark empathy]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2439
Loc: TEXAS
Hi,my brothers,

Nope, I didn't have a dad. didn't have much of a "mom" either.
I wasn't taught diddly squat about anything from her.

I had seen a few movies in where a cowboy or GI, was shaving. And when i went into the Air Force, i had some peach fuzz, and my TI told me that there is no room in his Air Force, for some one with any kind of hair growing on his face, including mine. So i also learned the hard way about shaving. Seems like my TI didn't mind those bloody nicks tho.

Heal well, my brothers, heal well.

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#336186 - 07/16/10 07:11 PM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: petercorbett]
Riley Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/11/09
Posts: 597
Loc: USA
You know what else is interesting and I'm curious if you guys can relate. I still only shave once every week or two. I usually have some kind of scruffy facial hair going. Granted I work as a ditch digger/mason and tidiness is not really expected, shaving is not on my daily list of hygiene. I'm curious if the other fellas whose father never taught them to shave, shave daily? Do you enjoy it? Personally, I hate it, I put it off until I look like Joe Dirt.


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#336189 - 07/16/10 09:25 PM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: Riley]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
Oh, I shave everyday. I hate shaving but I hate facial hair even more so I'll put up with one to get rid of the other.

_________________________
My Story

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#336196 - 07/16/10 11:54 PM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: Barkabus]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3369
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Riley - I work in a factory and generaly only shave once a week - it's not that I hate shaving or anything like that - I just don't see the point of shaving every day to work a factory job - if i have somewhere's nice to go durring the week I'll shave...

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#336199 - 07/17/10 01:10 AM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: TJ jeff]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2439
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my brothers,

This old boy, has shaved almost every day for the past 57 years.

I don't consider it a pain in the butt to do it.

I think that it would make me look older with grey stubble.

What i do consider a pain in the butt, is the hair in my ears & eye brows.

Heal well, my brothers, heal well.

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#337067 - 07/28/10 07:43 AM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: Sobernow]
happybuddha1 Offline


Registered: 05/19/09
Posts: 85
Loc: Michigan
Hey sobernow.....my Dad was an alchoholic when I was growing up. (he has been sober for 20 years and is a sponsor in AA)

He never showed me how to shave, pee, relate to women, fix things around the house....nothing.

Now after being on this planet for almost 50 years, I am realizing that much of my addictive behavior has been a reaction to abuse by an unrelated man, but more so, by just wanted to feel loved by my Dad and have a male role model, which I never had.

It sucks...not sure what to do.....I am kind of old to find an older male role model...I have no kids....sucks

_________________________
A scared little boy who is trying to heal and feel again..

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#337071 - 07/28/10 09:02 AM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: happybuddha1]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
I am not sure why I felt anxious while reading these posts. For the first time in a long time I felt almost a sense of panic. I don't believe anything anyone said was triggering. My dad wasn't around much and when he was he was very controling and distant. He was a military officer and was gone a lot. He gave me an antique razor where I had to turn the bottom of the razor to open the top. After the top was open, I would place the double-sided blade in the top and turn the bottom to close it. I had to be very careful not to knick myself with this. He then gave me a cup with clump of shaving soap and a brush and told me to shave like you would mow a lawn. That was it.

I thought if I wrote this I would feel better. I don't. I feel like something bad is going to happen now.


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#337082 - 07/28/10 09:55 AM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: nltsaved]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
I felt a real sense of panic and got out of this site. Then I got back and and read this post about a young dad's excitement about teaching his 3 son's how to shave. It then reminded me of my two boys and that they both have "razors" and shaving cream sitting next to dad's. Sometimes I find then lathering up. It's fun to see that. There are a lot of things my dad never showed me. When he got back from playing soldier for many years, I grew up and he didn't know how to handle that. Then he died and I was very confused about who he was and where he fit into my life or didn't fit into my life. I was confused why everyone including kids thought he was the greatest when I always thought he was a jerk. Then I realized my dad was two men, my dad and then what he wanted others to see. Thus my confusion became larger. I think I would have done better without a dad. There!


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#337372 - 07/31/10 08:14 PM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: nltsaved]
2dayistheday Offline


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 5
Loc: Kentucky
Hi,

I recently joined MS this past week and since I've been here I've met people who feel and think the same way as I do. All I can say is I know what you mean. My father had no influence in my life whatsoever, even thou we lived in the same household,we didnt speak to another for the last 6 years of his life.

What your doing for your 3 sons should be applauded by all men not matter what kind of relationship they had/have with their father. I shave maybe twice a month and that is due to being part Native American. I know it takes me a year to grow some sort of facial hair structure but when I do that it just doesnt fit well,so I always shave it off and soon as I do my nieces just rub their hands all over it and say "wow that is smooth".

When a man does the basics of life and a child thinks it's so amazing,that's how we know we're doing right. So as you can see the little things do matter to us.


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#338633 - 08/19/10 10:42 AM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: 2dayistheday]
Sobernow Offline


Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
This shaving and facial hair stuff --- is still a big thing for me.

Perhaps because it is so strongly linked with "being a man".

When can I stop needing to prove myself?


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#338649 - 08/19/10 02:04 PM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: Sobernow]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
Originally Posted By: Sobernow
This shaving and facial hair stuff --- is still a big thing for me.

Perhaps because it is so strongly linked with "being a man".

When can I stop needing to prove myself?


I think that need to prove dissipates as one learns to accept oneself. Even then an insecurity can trigger competitive urges.

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#338953 - 08/25/10 05:01 AM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: kidneythis]
Chester Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 48
Loc: Long Island, NY
I learned to shave from TV and movies, not my dad. My uncle taught me how to tie a necktie. A school friend taught me how to ride a bicycle. Another friend taught me how to shoot pool. And it wasn't until I went away to college that a school friend taught me how to eat in a restaurant. I'm not really sure what my dad taught me at all, come to think of it...

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#338961 - 08/25/10 10:06 AM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: Chester]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
I have a theory on some of this fatherly neglect. Not all mind you just some.
My dad was born to an imigrant father who was from the dirbs and drabs I've gotten since I recalled a mean SOB. He made grandma blind in one eye from the beatings. It wasn't until I was 30 or so on a fathers day that I took him out for a ferry ride across SF Bay to the city and we went to a bar in North Beach for a beer. After we got served the guy went back over to his friends and started speaking Italian again. My dad leaned into me and said he just told them he made a mistake and didn't charge us enough he thought we were locals. That is how I learned my father spoke Italian.
The point being from the earliest times of immigrants comeing tyo America they wanted to leave the past behind so they made their children AMERICAN! by denying them anything the had bad memories of growing up. A lot of people also denied their children knowldge of the old language to make sure the kid was not taken as an immigrant. Immigrants weren't usually treated very well at all. They were all seen as rubes and legitimate targets for theft and other dishonest dealings that took away their money.
So I wonder sometimes if that wasn't a part of why so many of us second generation and third generation Americans feel so lost and have a very short family history to look back on. Our forbears chose to put it all behind us by denying us the knowledge of the old country so we would not be subject to the old prejudices they grew up under.

I think it applies to some of my siblings who I've come to realize have no idea that I was not taught the same things they were inside the family. None of them get how outside the family I am. And when I ask they deny me for some reason I cannot get from them either.
I only know I was literally kept like a mushroom for the purpose of preventing me from knowing things which I freely spoke of to people, which they did not want me to. I do clearly remember telling people that stopped to coo at me in the supermarket that I was not being taught anything from as early as 2 maybe earlier. I was precosious.
So my life was complicated by early abuse which was the cause of a lot of the denial of information I endured. Yet I am sure a lot of folks were intentionally denied information out of good intent.
Maybe this went to fathers simply keeping distant from their sons for fear of the vampire legend. I have no doubt my father was initiated into the abuse regimen he inflicted on my siblings by his own father. And I think these things are still common back in Europe in the small towns where they all came from.
Just a thought.







Edited by kidneythis (08/25/10 10:08 AM)
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As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#339049 - 08/26/10 06:16 PM Re: Did your Dad teach you to Shave? [Re: Sobernow]
lfp Offline


Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 121
Wow that is exactly whay is happening to me. I do not have to shave a lot but I have to do it several times a week for spotty hair. It is linked to "being a man".

Another big thing for me is buying men's underwear. Just going to the store and passing by the underwear section has a huge sexual charge for me. I can't explain the feeling very well.

Basically, all related to "recognition".

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