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#33597 - 03/09/04 07:22 PM what would you say....
irishguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/04
Posts: 231
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
hey guys,

i asked myself this question during the day...and i found it hard to answer myself,i just wanna see what you guys think,

you dont have to answer if you dont want to..

Q: IF you seen your abuser again,what would you want to say to them?

i dunno if i should be askin this question or not..

cheers,
Go raibh míle maith agaibh as bhur gcúnamh!

_________________________
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.

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#33598 - 03/09/04 09:25 PM Re: what would you say....
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Hello, Irish,

I've thought about this question so many times, I can't tell you. I've DREAMT about geting the opportunity fot it, because I doubt it'll ever happen. Here goes.....

"I know what happened, you son of a bitch, I just want to hear if you really thought an 11 year old boy was ready for that kind of mature, sexual relationship.

I blocked it out for so many years that some of the details elude me, so answer me honestly, if you have the balls.....

TRIGGERTRIGGERTRIGGERTRIGGER

Did you rape me?
Did you abuse me?
Did you try to kill me?
WHY DID YOU DO IT?!?!?!

ENDTRIGGERENDTRIGGERENDTRIGGER


That, and LLoydy says, a sure, quick kick to the balls.

I may not be able to stop after one.... \:\(

Peace and love, and healing boyo. Lord knows you deserve it.

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#33599 - 03/09/04 09:36 PM Re: what would you say....
irishguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/04
Posts: 231
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
i dunno what i would say,
i wanna say so much,
i want him to know how much i hate him..

_________________________
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.

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#33600 - 03/10/04 04:14 PM Re: what would you say....
ecb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 205
I'd probably either run away or just beat the ever loving shit out of him.

Most likely the former since I ran the risk of seeing him at his brother's viewing and left right away so that I wouldn't. \:\(


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#33601 - 03/10/04 10:53 PM Re: what would you say....
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Hello,

My abuser, he was a sport coach I went to for many years. Because I remained active in the sport after leaving him, i still had occasion to see him quite often in the years since. For the first several years, I always had feeling of fear and disgust, because always, he would find occasion to talk to me at competition or practice, or touch me even, and still had so much power over me. I did not start addressing dealing with the abuse until just last year. Prior to having to see him again (I do coaching now), I wrote and sent him a letter, saying very much the angry things I wished to say to him. I knew, and did not expect him to apologize or accept any responsibility, and he didn't. The next time I seen him at a competition, there was a confrontation, which became physical at one point, and I allowed him to harm me again. But I know now that it will not happen again, I was not prepared for that confrontation, but now I am better. I know that I will have to see him again later this month, and I feel more prepared for that.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#33602 - 03/10/04 11:22 PM Re: what would you say....
flea Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/10/04
Posts: 6
Loc: wpg ,canada
i would tell the male doc that he damaged me for life.i have no trust in them any more.i think that i would resort to violence.he realy hurt me.


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#33603 - 03/10/04 11:30 PM Re: what would you say....
survive75 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 304
Loc: Massachusetts
Like most of us here, I have imagined this over and over in my mind a million times.

I have my revenge fantasy of wanting to hold him at gunpoint and tell him about every way the abuse has affected me... from age 4 on up. I dream of doing really sick stuff to him... putting the gun in his mouth to let him wonder when I'm going to shoot, beating the shit out of him and making him apologize for doing what he did over and over, make him plead with me for the pain to stop... etc. etc. etc. Basically, I dream of having control over him for once.

Then, there is a much quieter fantasy for me, but in some ways it is stronger than the revenge dream. If I knew it couldn't backfire, I would kill for him to come to me and tell me he knew what he did was wrong, and that he never should have done it, and that he did it because someone had done the same to him. This fantasy brings me to tears sometimes, it is so strong. I want to believe it wasn't just him being vicious, or getting pleasure out of hurting a little kid, or that it wasn't me that deserved it.

I know that's probably not exactly what you were looking for... for me, it's not about what I would say, but about wanting him to feel. Feel something... anything. Either feel the pain I endured until he understands what he truly did to me, or feel ashamed and humbled by his realizations and know that he worked to figure out why he did those things to me. Sometimes I think I would give my life just to have him tell me why he did it and say he was sorry for hurting me.

This a totally lame reference, but it stuck with me from the movie "Ever After." Drew Barrymore asks her stepmother if she ever loved her at all, even the littlest bit. And her stepmother says something like, "How can you love a pebble in your shoe?" And that is how I feel... despite the fact that my stepfather tortured me for four years of my life, I desperately wanted him to love me, to be the father I didn't have, I wanted to please him, and all I got was abuse and humiliation and pain.

Wow... didn't expect to bring all of that up tonight... hope this helps Irish.

-Sean

_________________________
-Sean

"Even though I know/I don’t want to know/Yeah I guess I know/I just hate how it sounds"

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#33604 - 04/13/04 11:11 PM Re: what would you say....
blacken Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1239
Loc: Northern Ohio
I'd say, "Hey, guess what you Evil fucking piece of Devil shit?" "I'm going to kick your ass, and your going to say 'thank you very much' when I'm done, and not tell a soul"...

_________________________
Everyone is a genius! If you were to judge a fish, by its ability to climb a tree,
it would think it was stupid all of it's life.
~Albert Einstein

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#33605 - 04/13/04 11:29 PM Re: what would you say....
theo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 1117
i don't think i would say a single word...i would just look at them. once they lock eyes, they would know.

_________________________
journey well,
theo dewolfe

- It is gift, and gift will find its way
- I inherit through my choice. I build through my affirmation. It is through my freedom that I nurture, or fade into autonomy
- I was not given to serve life, but to embrace it

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#33606 - 04/13/04 11:33 PM Re: what would you say....
MikeNY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/07/04
Posts: 927
Loc: NY
I would tell them everything that I think about them directly to their face and tell them exactly what they are, a wild animal, a predator, a rapist, a sex offender, a piece of human garbage that preys on people's trust.

_________________________
"Every child asks the questions which hold the answers to the secrets of the universe, WHAT?, and WHY?". --Me

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#33607 - 04/14/04 01:47 AM Re: what would you say....
yesac76 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/23/04
Posts: 508
Loc: Idaho
I would ask him why he thinks homosexuals are evil, when he is a pedaphile, and that is about the most vile thing on Earth. I would ask him why he had to hurt me so bad. I would ask him how he could sleep at night. I would ask him why he chose me. Then I would punch him in the nose as hard as I can!
Casey

_________________________
"You live it or lie it" Metallica

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#33608 - 04/14/04 08:21 AM Re: what would you say....
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
i dont want to see him. i dont want to ask him. i dont want to know him. it's beyond all of that now. there is nothing he could say to excuse or change what happened, so why bother? i guess i've let that go along time ago.

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

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#33609 - 04/14/04 02:12 PM Re: what would you say....
Archnut Offline
Member

Registered: 10/26/02
Posts: 343
Loc: United Kingdom
Had to think hard about this.

I would like to ask my original abuser Chris Denning "why did you tell me that I was very possibly gay?" (otherwise I wouldnt be doing the things I had). That one thing screwed me up for years and occasionally I have to relive it whilst asleep.

As for the rest of them "I would tell them that they are not gay they are paedophiles" because they all give the apperance that they are gay and have no interest in early teens or in Denning case boys as young as ten. They are all liars as well. Denning is currently at large in Slovakia. This article is from 1999.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/g2/story/0,3604,297548,00.html

He is possiblby Britains most predatory paedophile and his survivors must now run into thousands now (I've seen him at work).

BTW I'm not a homophobe I endulged too much in Homosexual affairs as a "Rent Boy" for that, especially when I was homeless and short of a drink or two.

Stay safe

Archnut
"And all that was left was hope"


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#33610 - 04/14/04 06:29 PM Re: what would you say....
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Irish - as some of the brothers here know, not that long back I did bump into mine after 34 years!

It was in a local shop & caught me completely unaware! I was looking at a can of cleaning foam (not long after I'd started therapy, was feeling good)when someone next to me actually said 'alright mate'....yes the bloody perv!

All I could do was cold stare /evil eye him ...total blank....couldn't answer if I wanted too. Afterwards, I wished that I had asked him very loudly if he was still a kiddy fiddler... I didn't & it was too late!

He left the shop pretty quickly & he also lost any remaining power he had over me at that point...I hadn't / couldn't say a word.

Now the power is within myself - I cannot erase the memories ever....I know he is weak now!

Best wishes ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#33611 - 04/15/04 06:36 AM Re: what would you say....
Archnut Offline
Member

Registered: 10/26/02
Posts: 343
Loc: United Kingdom
Me again!

I also have times when I think I would like to show them (my perps) the damage a baseball bat could inflict!

Archnut
"And all that was left was hope"


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#33612 - 04/15/04 01:47 PM Re: what would you say....
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Archnut: Or a two headed woodsmans axe.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#33613 - 04/15/04 03:35 PM Re: what would you say....
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
I would say, "How do you sleep at night?"

And then I'd add, "I told the police what you did. How do you think you'll sleep now?"

Go raibh maith agatsa as an ceist seo.

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#33614 - 04/15/04 04:13 PM Re: what would you say....
swartzhund Offline
Member

Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 61
Loc: Michigan
Still have to see my perp, he's at family functions like holidays and stuff. I never told a soul who knows him. 17 years after being abused I still have a hard time breathing or acting normal. He knows not to talk to me. Sometimes I hope like hell he'll do something stupid so I can just unleash some instant justice.

_________________________
Brian

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#33615 - 04/16/04 02:09 PM Re: what would you say....
Ken Followell Offline
President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 12/30/01
Posts: 990
Loc: Bradenton, FL
I hope I could tell him that I survived. He was wrong, people know what it did to me and still love me. I would ask how he could rape a 2 year old and not kill himself. I would ask how hell is and if the "pleasure" he recieved from raping children is worth the eternity of damnation.

I think I would however be speechless.

Pehaps, I don't need waste my time speaking to those who hurt me. I am learning to leave people who cause me pain and not allow them any power over me. It is hard, but I know a enjoy more speaking to those who love me.

The only question I really want an answer to is why. And I know there is no answer.

Ken

_________________________
Ken Followell

Everything works out right in the end. If things are not working right, it isn't the end yet. Don't let it bother you, relax and keep on goin
- Michael C. Muhammad

"I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing."
� Rabbi Hillel

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#33616 - 04/17/04 02:23 AM Re: what would you say....
aceofdiamonds Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 04/10/04
Posts: 12
I'd like to write a tell all book about the sick sh*t that woman did to me and have it be a best seller. Of course she'd be too f*cking stupid to realize it's about her. haha


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#33617 - 04/17/04 05:12 AM Re: what would you say....
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5378
Loc: Washington State
Hey Brothers,

Stay right their while I get my gun.

lots of love, Nathan


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#33618 - 04/18/04 03:00 PM Re: what would you say....
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Don't know. I guess I will have to wait until it happens to see what I do say.

Although I do like Nathan's answer, but that isn't something that I would do.

One has already acknowledged that he has done it and the sick b*****d is even proud of it. The last time I had spoke with him he made sure to let me know that I was a useless piece of shit and deserved bad stuff in my life. The time before that he was sure to show me the pictures that he had took of me to keep me down. That was before I started to heal, now I am stronger than he is and he is the scared one.

One has fallen off the face of the earth and the police cannot find him. His friends I do not even remember who they are.

One is most likely dead. His office has long been closed and he was very old at the time.

One I don't know if I ever would cross paths with again.

One I will, I have seen and spoken with her on two occassions this past year. Nothing was said. Of course she is emotionally unstable. Friends did at one of these occassions mentioned the hell that she has put me through when they were talking about her mental instability.

Oh well, I guess I would just have to see. I'm not about to rush into it. Although I have written some of the confrontation letters.

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#33619 - 04/18/04 06:15 PM Re: what would you say....
blacken Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1239
Loc: Northern Ohio
My perp has been dead for 6-1/2 years. Yet, I still wonder what I would do if he was alive.
Partly because I want to process those feelings. Partly because I deal with abused kids & I want to be able to help them when they are faced with that situation. How could I if I dont face it myself.
I think that, what I would do, would depend on where I am in my Healing. 5 years ago, I would have killed him. That, as scary as it is, is the simple truth. 2 years ago, I may have only hurt him, or perhaps thrown a bucket of shit on him.
Today...its harder to answer. I think I wouldn't be as close to my family as I am.
I am so impressed by the strength of those here, that SEE their perps. To live near them & be able to "carry on" with life. The more I write this, the more I feel that I wouldnt be so strong. It's probly a good thing for me he's dead.

_________________________
Everyone is a genius! If you were to judge a fish, by its ability to climb a tree,
it would think it was stupid all of it's life.
~Albert Einstein

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#33620 - 04/19/04 07:38 PM Re: what would you say....
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
It's a great dream to be all cool and do the Clint Eastwood - Dirty Harry stuff "go ahead punk, make my day" but the reality is when I last saw my main perp I crumbled.
I was driving at the time, and it was about 6 or 7 years ago, so the new temptation is to park my old LandCruiser on top of him, like I should have done last time.

But now, with some healing and self confidence, I'd just like to ask him - "Remember me ?" before the swift kick to the balls !

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#33622 - 04/20/04 05:08 AM Re: what would you say....
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5378
Loc: Washington State
Dave,

You do make a good point that it would be nice to think that I could handle it like I say I would. In truth I don't know how I would react since I dont know my abusiers or where they are, but it would be a violent act towards them. Seems like all I got is my anger towards them and what they have done to me. Rage has been a powerful tool for me and has made me so fing pissed off that I am bettering my self to spit in their face and show everyone I am a better man then they are.

lots of love, Nathan


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#33623 - 04/20/04 08:22 AM Re: what would you say....
onefastbike Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 84
Loc: Toronto
didn't even have tot hink about a response.

I have known what I would do for years.

I would kill him with my bare hands.

There isn't a doubt in my mind that if I saw him in front of me right now that I would do it. I wouldn't say a word. Just rid the world of that trash and move on.

(sorry... some of last nights rage is spilling on to this page)

The burden is knowing I have the tools to do it... I hope I never run in to him...

_________________________
Beware the lollipop of mediocrity. Lick once and you suck forever.

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