Zak, my friend,
Your father is the one who should feel like shit, not you. He's clearly never heard the phrase, "It's the thought that counts." He's being overly critical of you, and harsh as well. I don't know why he does that, but I assure you, it's NOT your fault.
You probably feel that it IS your fault, but please listen to me, buddy. There are ways to ENCOURAGE others to do a better job. Being harshly critical doesn't really help anyone; in fact, just the opposite - you're more likely to make more mistakes around someone who is being critical of you! Which STILL doesn't make it your fault!!!
Forgive me for this, buddy, but I feel he is bullying you. Bullying is a form of emotional abuse. And it's starting to be seen as a crime. No one has the right to belittle you or make you feel ashamed of who you are, my friend. NO ONE.
This experiment is one of my staples - if you feel you deserve what he says to you, then would you feel the same way if he were bullying someone else who was trying to please him? Would you bully your son the way he bullies you? If you feel it wouldn't be right for him to do that to someone else, then it's not right that he does it to you.
You are internalizing his criticisms; you are believing his insults. DON'T BELIEVE HIM. You are a GOOD guy, Zak. I know this, not only from reading your posts, but also from what others have said about you in your replies. You are NOT a pussy or a fuck-up or anything like that. If your dad thinks so, then clearly he doesn't know you at all. Don't believe him, buddy. Believe us, okay?
I know it hurts not to be close with your father - trust me, I understand. But it's not worth getting wasted and doing something risky or dangerous. If that is what it takes to be close to your father, then he's not worth it.
You've got choices, buddy. You can stay away from him for awhile; you can tell him that you don't like the way he treats you; you can deflect his insults - the next time he tells you that you did something wrong, you can say, "Oh well, it's the thought that counts," or "Oh well, I tried my best," or "Oh well, nobody's perfect."
In fact, the next time he wants you to do something, tell him you're going to do it your way. And if he says you're not doing it just right, then tell him he can do it himself. You're an adult, you have a busy life, and you've got better things to do with your time than whatever you're doing for him.
I hope this helps you see things a little differently, buddy. Please feel better soon.
By the way, buddy - if you'd like another friend, I'd sure like to be one. I think you're a nice guy. And I assure you that, if we become friends, you will be encouraged and never bullied. That's a promise.
Take good care of yourself, buddy. Hang in there. You're a good man, and you are cared about here.
Your friend soon, I hope,