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#33564 - 06/07/02 07:59 PM Re: TEACHING THE CHILDREN TO NEVER HIDE IN THE SILENCE
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Jeremy
the training on Preventing acting out sounds interesting, how about a posting about it sometime?
I'll see what I can do about US format video of this programe, maybe this sites administration could use it, pass it around ? just a passing thought.
Thanks
Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#33565 - 06/11/02 07:44 AM Re: TEACHING THE CHILDREN TO NEVER HIDE IN THE SILENCE
Broken Offline
Member

Registered: 03/25/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Huntingtun Beach, CA, US
Id kind of like to be in some sort of a program for acting out sexually, just so i could talk about it to somebody other than my therapist. I dont do pedo stuff, that makes me sick just thinking about it, my problem is cartoons. I know your probably laughing, but that just makes it more degrading. Its too easy for me, because its total symbolism, completely female bodies with no hint of masculine features raping men with male genitalia. Its so humiliating to get turned on by that sort of thing. I used to look at transvestite photos, but i could never get over that they looked like men, it made me sick to my stomach, it was too distracting. That and those stupid fucking japanese cartoons, where all the characters are sort of androdgenous and the girls always have these huge, wide eyes. There is a lot of twisted things like that out there, a lot of time anime depicts violent rape and extreme bondage. What does that say about the underbelly of japanese culture? I think that sexual abuse is something that affects the entire "civilised" (read: land raping overpopulated blights of human infection) world. I read a piece about how male orangotangs dont devolope into full male adolescents but still remain fertile so long as there is a dominant male present. The orangotangs in the zoo will apparently "rape" (Im a bit skeptic) the female orangotangs behind the dominant males back. But they said even in nature such as this, the males never physical abuse the females. Sometimes i wonder if there arent undercurrents of instinct that have a hand in child molestation. There is definately a line that has to be drawn, but if we could map out some of the raw subliminal impulses that drive people to strange sexual acts we might be able to combat them a little better.


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#33566 - 06/12/02 04:20 PM Re: TEACHING THE CHILDREN TO NEVER HIDE IN THE SILENCE
Just Call me J Offline
Member

Registered: 07/14/01
Posts: 204
Loc: Inland Empire, California
Lloydy, sadly, the training was not as well done as the previous times I've done it.

We didn't watch the full "Theives of Childhood" video, but we did watch 2 other video segments, one with a former Miss America who produced a video about survivors of abuse by children older than themselves, and another in which a female teen perpetrator was in a treatment program. The teen finally connected her own feelings of being abused herself to what she had done to her victims. Her therapist admitted that this didn't make her cured (in fact, stated she would "never be cured," a statement not admitted much in the press), but that it was a positive step in her recovery.

The rest of the training should have covered ways that we, as staff, can identify and deal with sexual acting out behaviors. What it consisted of, was the leader of the group telling us stories about behaviors that she has worked with, where the staff didn't respond. She didn't say what should be done, she just explained what happens if your opinion is "boys will be boys" (ie, the kids don't stop.... well, DUH!).

One of the most important pieces of the training was that "desire + opportunity = event." We have this drawing that shows the "Four Preconditions of Sexual Abuse." The first is Motivation (a desire to perform the behavior). Second is Internal Barriers (this would be things like a consience). These can be overcome by rationalization of the behavior, minimizing its effects, or manipulating. Then there are Exterior Barriers (availability of a child, privacy, etc). Opportunities like babysitting, seclusion (as on a camping trip), or isolating a child make this hurdle easier to get over. Then there is the Victim's Resistance. Perps use bribery, guilt, or force to get past the Victim's resistance (as we all know). When these obstacles are passed, you get to abuse.

As line staff in a group home, there is little that we can do about Motivation or Internal Barriers (a therapist can work on this area, but only after it is known that this is a problem, ie. after a perp has abused). Our job as staff is to provide protection and supervision, so we help to provide the external barriers. We provide the monitoring of visits, when the abusers are given permission to see a child in purpose. It is our job to record any notable behaviors that come out of their interactions. We also should be able to avoid incidents between our kids if supervision is kept constant, if possible perps are not assigned a smaller/younger roommate, and if every behavior that does occur is addressed.

It is our job as parents (though, admittedly, I am not yet a parent) to work on the fourth step: Victim's Resistance. It is by arming our children with knowledge, that they can leave that final hurdle standing against a perpetrator. We also need to help our children to feel it is okay to come to us, if they are embarrassed, or shamed. Rolling Stone has an article this month (Natalie Portman on the cover) about one of the victims of Rev. Shanley, that kind of touches on this.

Broken, I know what you mean about anime. The Japanese have an incredibly repressed society, that busts out in a lot of disturbing ways. That's part of the reason I stick to the "good stuff," like any movie by Miyazaki. When I was at the San Diego Comic Convention last year, one of my buddies thought it would be hilarious to buy a particular video. This was a live-action version of a popular(!) anime called "LA Blue Girl." This is one of those "tentacle monster" shows, where it is scantily clad VERY young women who are the only ones that can do battle with the creature with dozens of tentacles, who invariably rapes them.

Since this was about 2 weeks after the revelation of my abuse, it was triggering for me to see this video. My buddies were laughing over how bad and cheesy the video was, but I just had to turn away, and focus on my breathing to calm down. I've never made it a point to watch the animated versions, so I don't have a real basis for comparison, but I think the graphicness of live humans being penetrated was too much for me.

I spend way too much of my time reading "transgender fiction" though. Some times are better than others, but being at home alone, I often find myself in front of the computer, reading another story of a man wearing women's clothes. It's not the crossdressing aspect that bothers me, it's the stories that involve oral or anal sex. I find that these acts turn me on, at my computer, but when my girlfriend and I act it out together, I don't get the same reaction. And it's not even that I get a bad reaction. It's just kind of flat, more like no reaction.

Lloydy, I hope this answers some of your questions. By the way, the stats given in "Thieves of Childhood" say that 1 in 4 women, and 1 in 17 men have been sexually assualted, though it is admitted that these numbers are impossible to confirm, and are probably low.

Broken, I hope you'll find some comfort in not being alone.

We're in this together.

Jeremy

_________________________
We're in this together. - Nine Inch Nails

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#33567 - 06/12/02 08:19 PM Re: TEACHING THE CHILDREN TO NEVER HIDE IN THE SILENCE
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Jeremy
Thanks for that, I'll reply when I have had time to read it properly.
Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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