When I was younger I remember shaking in fear from what was about to happen. Is this normal?

It sounds a lot like a symptom that parent's miss in Mic Hunter's book ABUSED BOYS. I believe that his list of symptoms that parents miss is on pages 49-50 of his book, which is now 20 years old.

Did you ever ask your parents not to be left with your abuser or shake in fear or cry when faced with the prospect of being left alone with them?

Did you later employ any security strategies before going to bed like setting a booby trap or wearing clothes to bed or sleeping with a weapon?

I would say that your experience falls into the general guidelines of these symptoms.

Mark

I slept with a weapon as soon as I was old enough to join the military. Before that I did what I could to survive.

I dont remember trembling when I abused but i do remember being told to stop shaking when I was cold

I tremble now when I tell my story and when I am terrified

I don't actually remember shaking. But I did have some strong responses.

Several weeks after the horrendous abuse when I was 12, my mother and the mother of my little (11-year-old) friend Tommy decided that they should take us swimming to the water hole.

There was a beautiful open and flat place where a stream flowed gently through it (yes, like the movie). Boys' mothers would bring them there in groups in cars to swim (the boys, not the cars) (no skinny dipping allowed).

When I got out and saw the boys swimming I had this most horrendous panic attack kind of a reaction. It was so bad that I had to go to the car and sit out the swimming time. A beautiful spot turned into a bad memory.

Allen

pufferfish