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#335469 - 07/07/10 03:34 AM confronted a gym pervert
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 437
Loc: Colorado
Earlier this evening I was at the gym with a friend, he left me behind in the shower area to go use the restroom.

It took maybe a minute for me to turn around and see some guy make it a point to show me what he was doing to himself. Instead of it triggering me to flashbacks this time and making me immediately collapse, I got MAD. I told the guy very clearly and adult like...

"NO! Don't do that!!!

He tried to act like he didn't do anything and didn't know what I was talking about(yes, with his little thing pointing in the breeze). I then told him...

"Admit what you were doing is wrong!"

He then admitted it. I continued...

"You have two choices: I report you or I beat the $#@! out of you! I am not here for your viewing enjoyment" then repeated... "Do you understand me!"

He then apologized and left saying sorry sorry sorry in a shameful hurry. I kind of collapsed as soon as he was out of sight, my friend came saying he heard my voice and asked what messed with me. I told him what happened, he would have done or said some other things to that guy himself but he had to stay with me. I recognize now that this particular guy was not threatening to me... kind of rare, he was older but so out of shape, overweight and ugly all over. No business looking at anybody and expecting a good response. I had just finish a fairly intense workout, I guess the Marine part of me kicked in for a minute.

It's a public place, it is not a place for perverts to look for other perverts. It's not a place for someone to gawk at my body or others. It's disturbing to me why even someone like that would target someone like me? He saw with the words I said and knew that I could physically cause him a world of pain but he took the chance and targeted me. Why? Even if I was gay or something I would be so far out of his league, I don't even like thinking like that but it makes no sense to me. What makes me recognizable to perverts to have them do that kind of thing and think there would be no harm?

I felt filthy and had to wash it all off over and over.

_________________________
Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

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#335491 - 07/07/10 09:32 AM Re: confronted a gym pervert [Re: usmc97]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5780
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
U:
Obviously, you did nothing to bring this on.
Quote:
I felt filthy and had to wash it all off over and over.


Interesting that you had this reaction. How different it is now that you are a physically fit, strong adult, not a helpless child who had something bad done to him.


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#335494 - 07/07/10 10:01 AM Re: confronted a gym pervert [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
"What makes me recognizable to perverts to have them do that kind of thing and think there would be no harm?"

Perverts sometimes just take the chance not unlike how we normal folk just plunge in to ask someone out etc. Of course we don't yank it in front of a woman or man we feel attraction to. I think he was just living in his head and didn't think it through and let his fantasies take control of him.

Good for you that you reacted that way I hope after the poison feeling of the adrenaline goes away you feel proud of yourself.

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#335502 - 07/07/10 11:02 AM Re: confronted a gym pervert [Re: kidneythis]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
I started swimming last week, i only went twice, i was going to go every day. When i used to go swimming when i was younger, sure, you'd get men who would just strip off for the showers, but i didn't remember it quite like this.

When i went there last week every man there would take all his clothes off to shower- i think that is more normal in the USA but even when i was in school, in our schools in the UK, the kids would never strip off, everybody was more modest.

And it was strange, afterwards you would see the same men wearing their suits walking out of the swimming pool and i would just be thinking, "Is this strange that just a second ago i saw this guy completely naked in the shower?" The showers were just a line of showers, no partitions or anything.

It is strange, isn't it? i mean, take the swimming and the showers out of the equation and these guys wouldn't be showing themselves to me like that- surely that would seem inappropriate.

I think also because i still feel much younger than those guys that it just doesn't feel right for them to be donig that infront of me.

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#335504 - 07/07/10 11:36 AM Re: confronted a gym pervert [Re: king tut]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1971
UMC,

Someone crossed a boundary of yours (in a bad way) and you stood up for yourself. Good job, plain and simple.

Eric


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#335513 - 07/07/10 02:24 PM Re: confronted a gym pervert [Re: ericc]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11114
Loc: Denver, CO
Way to go, Kevin. You shut him down right then and there. Maybe he will learn.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#335523 - 07/07/10 04:45 PM Re: confronted a gym pervert [Re: FormerTexan]
Riley Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/11/09
Posts: 597
Loc: USA
Good job standing up for yourself in the heat of the moment. To me it sounds like your instant reaction is the reaction of a man not affected by sexual abuse.


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#335532 - 07/07/10 06:10 PM Re: confronted a gym pervert [Re: Riley]
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 437
Loc: Colorado
This kind of thing has happened before, usually making me immediately freak out and ball up on the floor or something. This time I got to react before things set in and debilitated me. This guy was just not physically threatening to me, I felt irritated and just really disgusted by him. The fear came as he left, luckily my friend was there to help with the aftermath.

I don't need this repeated theme of being used... I don't want men to be attracted to me or do these perverted things around me. What part of me do they mistake for an invitation for that kind of crap?

I really try to go to the gym on base where it's safer, this stuff hasn't happened and most likely would never happen there. I just wish I could hold my own all the time but I can't.

_________________________
Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

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#335536 - 07/07/10 07:32 PM Re: confronted a gym pervert [Re: usmc97]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
The exact same thing happened to me at the gym showers on base many years ago. This was way before I came out of denial about the CSA. I froze. On the outside I just pretended it wasn't going on. On the inside I was FREAKED OUT. No words were ever spoken. He just stared at me while M'ing until, well, you know, he finished.

Mike

_________________________
My Story

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#335606 - 07/08/10 12:10 PM Re: confronted a gym pervert [Re: Barkabus]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
I am glad that you told this POS off

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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