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#335206 - 07/04/10 09:14 AM Need a mini-support group on here.
traveller Offline


Registered: 09/30/09
Posts: 27
Loc: Sydney, Australia
Gday.

Is anyone else in the same position I am? I was abused for 3 years when i was aged 13 to 16 by a guy who was only 3 years older than me. I kinda feel like the stuff I am dealing with is different to those of you who were unfortunately abused either when you were younger or the abuser was older or a relative - my abuser was a friend of my older brother.

Anyone out there?


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#335208 - 07/04/10 09:42 AM Re: Need a mini-support group on here. [Re: traveller]
itrahan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/02/10
Posts: 96
Loc: Louisiana, Gulf Coast
hello traveler,

I had the same experience with an older brothers friend, for me the small age differnece made me question myself often as to my sexuality....plenty confusion and acting out to follow.


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#335209 - 07/04/10 09:47 AM Re: Need a mini-support group on here. [Re: itrahan]
traveller Offline


Registered: 09/30/09
Posts: 27
Loc: Sydney, Australia
Gday itrahan,

Thanks for getting back to me. Yes the small age difference has been one of the hardest things for me to deal with. That and how I allowed it to go on for so long. Still blame myself very much for it, despite people telling me not to.

Were you about the same age too?


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#335233 - 07/04/10 01:45 PM Re: Need a mini-support group on here. [Re: traveller]
itrahan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/02/10
Posts: 96
Loc: Louisiana, Gulf Coast
Traveler....
Self-loathing plays a big part in how I feel bout self.
I remember having sexual curiosities at a very early age brought on by living on a farm watching procreating livestck and having a large family where alchol was heavily consumed and conversations could be overly sexually stimulating, with young boys being constantly taunted about masturbation as approaching puberty. Also having seven brothers & being the middle child type contributed. Watching the older guys pissing off the porch, well endowed etc, then going to the barn & comparing feeling a bit inadequate. This was curiosity. The CSA started when I was about 7 when walking up on a few of my brothers looking at porn and having a circle jerk while sharing a cigarette....seeing who could produce biggest load. I was very pre-puberty & felt small but wanted to be included.....they showed me a few pics & told me only way I could stay is to touch each of their pricks with my lips which would guarantee my silence. I did to their amusement, and became very excited witnessng their ejaculation....then scared & paronoid.....I didn't want anyone to know what I had done! Sillence was guarnteed, & soon it was ok'd by my brothers to accompany them on the cattle haying chore. This situation was duplicted for a few times, then they would wrestle me down just to see if my little prick was hard & laughed...got real embarrssed and started putting space between us up until I was about 10-12....entering & feeling my own puberty. My older brother noticed my returning interest...would break me away from group by offering special FAVORS OR INCLUSIVE PRIVLEGES...BECAME MY BUD...EVENTUALLY PRESENTING HIMSELF TO ME ON FULL ERECTION, MOSTLY IN THE DARK...WANTING ME TO OFFER MY FRIENDSHIP TOO HIS COCK AS A THIRD PERSON...WANTING ME TO TALK, HANDLE, CARESS & STROKE IT. MY REWARD WAS TO WITNESS HIS EJACULATIONS ETC...I would repeat this on several occasions always hoping for some type of reciprication...he started pressing me for more oral I would oblige for short periods, but it was uncomfortable for me. If my other brother knew what was happening between us in the distance he never acknowledged it. He may have been using him too. During my brother's senior year it suddenly stopped...never another gesture, reference or anything....like it never happened. he was going out with the guys then...women etc....he also had a friend who came over to work on the farm during that summer...I was curious if they where taking care of each other sexual needs. My hormones were raging...and fantacies were limitless! I did offer my brothers's friend that curious look....after he was entirely to touchy around me. We had a irrigation canal where all the guys skinny dipped daily...could be up to 10 - 12 guys at a time...mostly innocent. I saw him sizing everyone up when no one was looking. I would have been 13-14 yrs at the time. One day after getting back from the fields all hot & sweaty we were the only two going down for a swim. He started wrestling like he was going to throw me in...got really pushy & somewhat violent , I got bruised & scared...cursed & begged to let me go...he'd laugh & touch me...then seeing me get excited , said you see you want to stay...as my erection grew. He held me down there & stimulated me til arousal took over...then brought me to climax orally. That ordeal would be re-created several times a week for the next few years. I began recipricatiting orally wanting his interest to continue. The ass whippings were tough but the following gratifications seemed worth it at the time. This is the first time I ever put this all down in print....scary......


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#335234 - 07/04/10 02:02 PM Re: Need a mini-support group on here. [Re: itrahan]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 727
Loc: United States
Traveller, your situation isn't so unusual, as Itrahan has so bravely shown.

Itrahan, thanks for trusting enough to share that with us, and for being strong enough to get it down on (virtual) paper in the first place. He was wrong to do that to you and was very selfish and manipulative.

It's always wrong, and it's not your fault that it happened.

-efm

_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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#335242 - 07/04/10 04:01 PM Re: Need a mini-support group on here. [Re: itrahan]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2433
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my brother,

Real couragous to post that, my Sequoria, brother. The first public post is the hardest.

Not sure what you mean about a mini-support group.

I'm here for you anytime..with the exception of the next almost 2 weeks. My boys are coming in from Germany on Wednesday, and will be going back a week from Thursday.

If i knew how to do private chat, maybe a couple of us could hook up to each other.

Normally there is a GBTQ safe place open chat on sunday's, and it starts here (central time zone) at 8pm, adjust for your time zone. It's moderated by (former Texan), Andy. Just PM him for the invite, if you are interested.
Then there is a safe room chat on wednesdays, starting at 8pm (central), moderated by Pete2004, again PM him for an invite.

So, my brother, if i can be of help let me know. I do not posess eloquent words, nor have vast amounts of wisdom.
But, i am here for you.

Heal well, my brother, itrahan, heal well.

If you are uncomfortable with me using the word brother. please let me know.

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#335249 - 07/04/10 04:33 PM Re: Need a mini-support group on here. [Re: traveller]
InsideTheWall Offline


Registered: 01/10/09
Posts: 280
Deleted. Replaced by post below.



Edited by InsideTheWall (07/04/10 04:37 PM)

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#335250 - 07/04/10 04:36 PM Re: Need a mini-support group on here. [Re: traveller]
InsideTheWall Offline


Registered: 01/10/09
Posts: 280
Originally Posted By: traveller
Gday.

Is anyone else in the same position I am? I was abused for 3 years when i was aged 13 to 16 by a guy who was only 3 years older than me. I kinda feel like the stuff I am dealing with is different to those of you who were unfortunately abused either when you were younger or the abuser was older or a relative - my abuser was a friend of my older brother.


My abuser was only a year or two older than me, and I agree it creates a unique set of circumstances. Also, I was about 14-15 when it happened so I got a sort of double dose. I hope no one takes this the wrong way, but I would have preferred to have been abused at a younger age. There's just so much more self loathing our way. I've been here over a year now and still haven't been able to share more than little tidbits of my story because its different than most of the ones here.

Originally Posted By: traveller
Anyone out there?
Just nod if you can feel me...


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#335278 - 07/04/10 05:52 PM Re: Need a mini-support group on here. [Re: InsideTheWall]
traveller Offline


Registered: 09/30/09
Posts: 27
Loc: Sydney, Australia
Gday,

Yep I feel the same way mate. The great majority of the discussions and stories on here I cant fully relate to - although they are all equally tragic and unfair.

Send me a PM mate if you like. Maybe we can chat a bit.


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