I am new to this site, although in searching the internet for an 'outlet', if I may call it so, I came across this site browsed it and kept going at that time.
My google search brought me to this forum about sexual identity issues from my search for 'positive male behavioral reinforcement' and 'neediness in males'. I feel a lot of the same way you do... that lines that should have been distinct within their roles are now 'blurred'. The need of having a father was already an underlying issue for me before I had been seduced into sexual abuse. I needed the 'male' part of me that was weak to be strengthened/reinforced and it seemed that the embrace (even apart from it have a link sexually), the comfort, and the acceptance that all too many fathers even the 'male society' are too scared to give and display, it seemed that this is what I was receiving. However, I had to honestly take a step back to see if there was any selfishness involved in these acts; did the males from whom I was receiving these things have similar qualities as my abuser? There are days when I feel compelled to engage in sexual intimacy with a male just to have reassurance and feeling of protection but the other half of me is saying 'no, please!' and I have a tendency to obsess about masculinity, expected male behavioral norms promoted in this society, reassuring myself of the naturalness of my genitalia which used in a truly loving/unselfish way is not shameful. There are many times when I feel unlovable and extremely alone.
I have realized that I will be constantly attempting to cope in this aspect of my being; maybe not so much ridding myself of these insecurities, the hurt, the overall mental confusion at times. One thing that I take away from it which I see as a strength for me is that by attempting to cope, I am determined to not be hindered to love others unselfishly, in the way that is beneficial and promotes ones personality to flourish.