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#334859 - 06/29/10 08:09 AM I HURT!
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1314
Loc: kansas
THIS IS TO MY FAMILY, MY FRIENDS AND EVERYONE HERE ON MS!


I HURT TOO!!!! I HAVE ISSUES TOO!!! I DON'T LIKE BEING F***ING IGNORED!!

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#334861 - 06/29/10 08:26 AM Re: I HURT! [Re: Obi]
Silly Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/10
Posts: 140
Loc: Virginia
I'm so sorry...I hope I didn't make you feel ignored...???

_________________________
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http://seriouslysilly67.blogspot.com/

The Round Table, Men's Sexual Abuse Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#334862 - 06/29/10 09:04 AM Re: I HURT! [Re: Silly]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Hey pal!!!! What's up?????

Kevin

_________________________
the family
the perp

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#334863 - 06/29/10 09:05 AM Re: I HURT! [Re: Silly]
jhp Offline


Registered: 06/28/10
Posts: 15
Loc: South Africa
hear you man. take it easy


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#334866 - 06/29/10 09:27 AM Re: I HURT! [Re: jhp]
traillius Offline


Registered: 04/21/10
Posts: 260
its okay to hurt, and its okay to have issues. I didn't know you were feeling ignored. Sorry if I did any of that. Here's to healing well.


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#334867 - 06/29/10 09:28 AM Re: I HURT! [Re: traillius]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
What happened?

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#334868 - 06/29/10 09:35 AM Re: I HURT! [Re: kidneythis]
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1314
Loc: kansas
i don't mind helping my family, my friends and anybody here on ms.. it makes me feel good to be able to help when i can...

BUT GUESS WHAT FOLKS?!?!? I HAVE ISSUES TOO!!!

it would be nice if when i say, AND I SAY IT OFTEN!, this bothers me because... or i hurt because... or i'm conflicted because.... to actually be listened to instead of ignored, the subject getting immediately changed or others see it as cue to interrupt me and talk about their issues instead of trying to help me with mine...

like i said, i don't mind helping others. i enjoy it but i have problems too folks and i NEED HELP TOO!!! it would be nice if that helped was returned..

todd

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#334869 - 06/29/10 09:38 AM Re: I HURT! [Re: Obi]
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1314
Loc: kansas
it upsets me that i have to make posts like this where i'm screaming to be heard...

i feel like i shouldn't have to do that... especially here on ms...

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#334872 - 06/29/10 09:59 AM Re: I HURT! [Re: Obi]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 728
Loc: United States
If you are screaming to be heard, now you know that you are. Is that all you are looking for?

For me, not being heard is actually about not getting something I hoped for if I was heard. Acknowledgement. Sympathy. Empathy. Communication. Help. Understanding. Validation. Release.

-efm

_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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#334873 - 06/29/10 10:17 AM Re: I HURT! [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
I was thinking more specifically Obi, as in; What was the post you made that got ignored?

I didn't see anything in your recent posts that indicated you were doing anything but helping others so I'm a bit confused as to what you were reaching out about that got ignored.

I certainly relate to feeling and thinking exactly the same thing. Always having to seem able even in the midst of a total breakdown never helped me yet I still do it.



Edited by kidneythis (06/29/10 10:20 AM)
_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#334874 - 06/29/10 10:46 AM Re: I HURT! [Re: kidneythis]
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1314
Loc: kansas
kidney,

the straw that broke the camel's back happened last night in the round table..

after all the floor time was done there was an open discussion. topic was brought up and i replied to.. it garnered some discussion.

well, some of the replies brought up a certain issue that i deal with often and have a very hard time with... i thought, ok, seems that people are listening here, offering help, i'm going to talk about the issue that's bothering me...

so, even though i was AFRAID, i built up enough courage to say in a polite rational manner that i have this issue with regards to what's being discussed and this is what hurts me and why... posted it...

topic, immediately changed... no, sorry you're hurting, no hi, no bye, no kiss my butt, NOTHING... i laid out something that i've been afraid to talk about and was ignored like i have been many times before last night... i would've understood if it was left out there for a few minutes and noone replied because to me that would've said that perhaps nobody would know what to say.. but the topic got changed... made me feel like my issues don't matter.. especially, when it was said to me, during my floor time, that if i had an issue that i should talk about it and we'd be there to listen and help. that i should make myself a priority... funny... tried taking that advice and wow! what a priority i was...oh that's right, the slime on slugs are a higher priority than my issue...

silly was there. he can confirm that i'm not making this up in my own mind...

sorry, but i'm firggin' upset that i have to be there for everyone else but when i have an issue i'm non-existant...

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#334875 - 06/29/10 10:52 AM Re: I HURT! [Re: Obi]
traillius Offline


Registered: 04/21/10
Posts: 260
its okay to be upset. I wasn't there last night, but I am sure it must have hurt. I would like to know if there is anything I can do to help. I've been ignored many times, so I know it is a horrible feeling.


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#334876 - 06/29/10 11:07 AM Re: I HURT! [Re: traillius]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
I'm very sorry that happened. I does suck to take a shot to the sack when one is open.

I'm sure you've considered this but it is all that comes to mind. I amy be wrong but probably some of the folks were still too self focused to notice or had been thinking of what to say next while others were posting and did so at the first opportunity. Those who probably did sense your vulnerability probably stayed silent as you said because they had nothing to add. And your lack of protest, I assume you didn't complain on the spot as you didn't mention it, would have allowed them to assume the post wasn't as vulnerable as it was too you.

There is also the matter that you are strong and helpful which does create the image of a wholeness and an invulnerbility of sorts, which isn't necessarily the whole of who you are.
This tends to lead me at last to think you are doing very well all in all and the fact of your having ebbs and flows of pain just like the rest of us seems to be left out of mind.

And there is the added problem of written words not conveying the subtleties of ones emotions as would happen in person or at least with a voice.


I'm not excusing anyone or trying to minimize your experience Obi. I am trying to convey the sense that I have of your place on MS and that is one of the stronger better adjusted victims who provides help and support to those who are less able to do so for themselves at this point. I think that position made others unable to see you reaching out as it was unexpected.

Of course this is all theory as I wasn't there.

KT

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#334880 - 06/29/10 11:43 AM Re: I HURT! [Re: kidneythis]
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1314
Loc: kansas
I'm not excusing anyone or trying to minimize your experience Obi. I am trying to convey the sense that I have of your place on MS and that is one of the stronger better adjusted victims who provides help and support to those who are less able to do so for themselves at this point. I think that position made others unable to see you reaching out as it was unexpected.


kidney,

i copied the above paragraph from your last reply...

first off, THANK YOU for that... it was a very nice compliment...

this is the one part that i did not consider and here's why...

i didn't realize that i put out this kind of image of myself. i have a hard time seeing it because i know i have issues. i know that i'm weak in a lot of areas.. plus, i don't see myself as better or worse than anyone else here... i know i have issues and that's why i'm here... if i didn't have issues then why would i even be here?

so, let me ask this question of everyone that wants to reply to...

do i give off this image of myself that i'm a stronger and better adjusted victim that provides help and support to those who are less able to do for themselves at this point?

todd

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#334881 - 06/29/10 11:52 AM Re: I HURT! [Re: kidneythis]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Todd,

First off, I want to apologize for not being at The Round Table last night. My Internet cut out again for the second day in a row, and both times during the evening, so I was unable to join the HC.

I'm sorry if you felt you were being ignored, buddy. I wish I had been there to help you.

Kidneythis already mentioned what I'm about to say. Sometimes, when you are being helpful to everyone, they can start to see you (unrealistically) as not having any problems at all; believe me, I know. They can forget that you are in recovery too, and need some help as well. And sometimes, we survivors go into chat needing desperately to talk about our problems, and just don't have the emotional capacity to handle the problems of the survivor that we are talking to at that time.

I'm sure what happened wasn't intentional, buddy. You know we love you and want to help you. I have never heard anyone here make one negative comment about you; actually, I have heard several here say how much they like you and care about you.

If we were thoughtless or a little too consumed with our problems to notice yours, buddy, then we're deeply sorry.

So, would you still like a little help? Can you post what your topic was, or PM someone about it? I, for just one, will listen to you and help you in any way I can. I'm sure others will, too.

Take heart, buddy. You are still very loved here. From all of us, to you: (((((((((((((((Todd)))))))))))))))

As always,

Your loving brothers at MS


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#334882 - 06/29/10 12:04 PM Re: I HURT! [Re: Obi]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
Hey Todd,

Sorry I haven’t replied to this thread sooner, frankly I missed it. I would like to respond to your question from my perspective. It was only a week or so ago that you placed several posts that were along the lines of success over your issues. (Victim no more) type post. This is a great place to be in, one that many of us here strive for, gain momentarily, then lose sight of. When we feel it slip away it friggen hurts.

We have talked often on PM and open threads. You rarely come across that you are hurting and want/need something. So it is easy for some of us to think and believe you are in a better place than you might actually be.

Obi, you do have friends here how do care about you even if it takes a brick to get our attention, we do care. Earlbird

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

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#334883 - 06/29/10 12:13 PM Re: I HURT! [Re: earlybird]
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1314
Loc: kansas
bobcat/earlybird,

appreciate the replies...

i hope you guys understand that it took a lot for me to be able to say what the issue was to have it left hanging like that and changed right after...

it set me back.... it put that issue back for me... right now i'm too afraid to say anything about it...

sorry...

todd

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#334903 - 06/29/10 04:23 PM Re: I HURT! [Re: Obi]
Riley Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/11/09
Posts: 597
Loc: USA
Todd,

It sucks to feel ignored it really does and you don't deserve it. I don't know why the other members didn't reply, it could be a million different reasons.

I am taking a marriage and the family class as an elective right now. The class began with dating. It gave a list of why a date doesn't call you back. 90% of the reasons had absolutely nothing to do with you. He also commented how most people blame themselves for a bad date. I guess my point is their are a million reasons why they didn't reply and most of them have absolutely NOTHING to do with you.

Just remember you do have friends here.




Edited by Riley (06/29/10 04:39 PM)
Edit Reason: didnt see page 2

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#334907 - 06/29/10 04:33 PM Re: I HURT! [Re: Obi]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
I don't doubt for a minute you were unaware of this yet I see you helping others confidently and effectively. I suspect like a lot of us you don't realize a lot of your own strengths. I must say for all my assertion I am just as frequently weak and unable to think let alone help.
I am only now learning to see this. It is something I was taught to name differently and thus I have always seen it wrongly as a personal defect so I hide it. I still don't recognize my "weaker" reactions and feelings in real time and often not even afterwards. You seem to at least be aware of yours and that is strenght ot me as well.
The mental and emotional abuse meant to make me retarded wasn't working fast enough so I was locked in a dark closet everyday for months on end. then I was left alone for years with nothing but abuse and no interaction that wasn't abusive or manipulative so I never learned anything about what was happeneing inside me. When I was "rescued" and taught I had to take the empircal knowledge I was given and cionstruct myself out of it because I didn't understand the feelings I had. In fact I believed these feelings, all of them negative, painful, and fear filled, to be personal defects and treated them that way all of my life.

So you have some idea now of where my perspective comes from. Your ability to mostly understand your feelings and those of others and go on to offer effective advbice make me think you are well adjusted if not yet fully healthy and reecovered from your abuse.



Edited by kidneythis (06/29/10 04:35 PM)
_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#334908 - 06/29/10 04:53 PM Re: I HURT! [Re: kidneythis]
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1314
Loc: kansas
kidney,

again i appreciate your thoughts... but i know that i'm nowhere near fully healthy and recovered...

that's the reason i'm here. that's the reason i ask for help...

i have issues.. i know what they are and i know that there are probably some others still lurking that i haven't even discovered yet... when i came to ms, my world opened up immensely. i learned a lot and discovered many issues that i have that i didn't know i had... i'm still learning to this day.

i do what i can to stay positive. i do what i can to help others, even when sometimes i'm not in the right frame of mind. i do what i can to help myself.. however, i'm also smart enough to know that i can't do this all by myself. that i do need support and help too...

i just hope that in the future i don't have to go to this extreme to get help... it's not pleasant...

todd

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#334912 - 06/29/10 05:28 PM Re: I HURT! [Re: Obi]
Mulligan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/15/10
Posts: 94
Loc: USA
Todd,

I must say that I am guilty of being selfish on this site. When I first came here, there was like a vacumn in my soul, consuming other peoples knoweledge and demanding they considered my issues. Just as Kidney described I looked to everyone who had been here for any period of time as I felt they were further along the recovery road than myself. I am certain that some of my questions, thoughts expressed, and expectations of others placed a great deal of emotional demand on them. I am beginning to learn that this is more of an up and down road. Iregardless of how far you have traveled, the road will eventally head down hill. One thing I am beginning to realize is that it may be necessary to look around when your at the top and help other up. So to everyone that reads this post, thanks for pulling me up the hill (Obi included). I realize that this may have drug you farther back down or caused you to backslide. Your contributions and self sacrafice have not gone unnoted.

_________________________
Because I never give up the fight!

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#334918 - 06/29/10 06:34 PM Re: I HURT! [Re: Mulligan]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1961
Hey Todd,

Sorry to hear about this. What I really wanted to acknowledge is that I know sometimes I have a habit of taking someone's thread, and then sort of using it as a spring board for my own issues that might be related. I am trying to get better in that if I do that I try and pull it back to the person who started the thread. But I miss that at times and may come across as self-absorbed. I think a lot of us don't mean to be that way, but sometimes we get overwhelmed with our own issues we forget that there are others as well. I will commend you for speaking up for your needs. That is a "skill" a lot of us here have not yet fully developed as a result of our past. Sometimes we need to speak up for our needs and I am glad you were able to do so.

Eric


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#334927 - 06/29/10 09:05 PM Re: I HURT! [Re: ericc]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Hey, buddy.

Sure looks like you have a lot of friends here who care about you. I'm sorry some of us can be a little self-absorbed sometimes; I know I can be thoughtless and inconsiderate of others at times.

And sometimes we can overlook the misfortunes of those who give generously of themselves. Our moderators could probably share with you that, at times, helping others can be a thankless job. But the fact is, when you help someone, they really DO appreciate it, even if they forget to let you know.

Thank you, Todd, for being there for us when we needed you.

Please let us return the favor.

Your loving brother, as always,

Bobcat


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#334959 - 06/30/10 09:46 AM Re: I HURT! [Re: Obi]
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1314
Loc: kansas
i just wanted to say thanks to all that have commented in this thread... it's greatly appeciated...

i've calmed down since yesterday and the night before it.

yes, i feel like i've suffered a setback... i know that right now the particular issue that i tried so hard to even get myself to type out a part of it is buried right now... i know, coping mechanism.... right now, i can't tell you when i will talk about it, if i ever will...

i do appreciate all the help and people willing to listen... i can talk about many of my other issues but the one in particular i can't right now and i ask everyone to please respect my boundary on that...

when i'm ready.. i will do my best to bring it up again..

thanks..

todd

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#334962 - 06/30/10 10:02 AM Re: I HURT! [Re: Obi]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
Hey brother-

keep reaching out-you helped me!

See if you can just name in one word what the issue is-that is my encouraging, loving challlenge to you-okay?

One word. Release it.

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

“It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#334975 - 06/30/10 01:12 PM Re: I HURT! [Re: Mountainous Buck]
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1314
Loc: kansas
sorry buck..

i appreciate your help... but i'm not ready...

todd

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#334976 - 06/30/10 01:19 PM Re: I HURT! [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
(((Todd))),

All our lives, many of us have not been believed, not listened to, and not supported. That is happened to you in any way here, causes the heart to remember those cold and lonely days.

May you feel safe and comfortable here, may you enjoy the fellowship and community here, may you heal.

I wish to personally convey my regret in not being there for you, Todd. You are a good person who will be a priority, will be successful in recovery, and will retake the person you were determined to be before the abuse.

I look forward to our next chat, PM, post, reply, and meeting. I do so appreciate your uniqueness.

Sam

_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#335000 - 06/30/10 08:32 PM Re: I HURT! [Re: SamV]
derrick Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/10
Posts: 93
Loc: North Carolina
todd you have been a big help to me and I am brand new here
hang in with process and your brothers in here

_________________________
My Story http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...5766#Post335766

Alumnai of May 2011 DAHLONEGA (a life changeing event)
Alumnai of October 2010 WOR Hope Springs
Dahlonega

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#335053 - 07/01/10 06:56 PM Re: I HURT! [Re: derrick]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my brothers,

My brother, i was in my own hurt at the same time.

However, i should have heard your cries.

Often, the best medicine for us in our hurt, is to reach out to others in theirs.

I am sorry for not listning to yours.

Heal well, my brother (((Todd))), heal well.Love ya.
Pete..Irishmoose.
Your brother, forever.



Edited by petercorbett (07/01/10 07:33 PM)
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#339878 - 09/08/10 09:59 PM Re: I HURT! [Re: Obi]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Todd,

I am around, and I do not always post on the board as often as I used to. Sorry I missed this thread. You are an important friend to me, and if you need to talk I will listen.

If I was at the RT discussion I am sorry I did not respond to you at the RT. I am here for you Todd.

Your friend Michael Joseph

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#339882 - 09/09/10 12:59 AM Re: I HURT! [Re: Riley]
looking2heal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/15/10
Posts: 100
Loc: pa
1st off i was there and didnt reply either.... im sorry. sometimes i dont pay attention as much as i should and miss what was said, i need to listen as much as i want to be heard.
u askd how others saw u....i see u as a strong person someone that i lookd forward to seeing in chat because ur words spoke truth.

im sorry that u felt that way ....and hope that u never feel that way again

_________________________
taking the steps to healing inside

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