Newest Members
PaulnMA, andrewmartin, Aurigny, Luther, LuckyCharm
12252 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
closerthenveins (26), Nvolpicelli (24), Sven (19)
Who's Online
0 registered (), 39 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12252 Members
73 Forums
63113 Topics
441363 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 4 < 1 2 3 4 >
Topic Options
#334874 - 06/29/10 10:46 AM Re: I HURT! [Re: kidneythis]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1276
Loc: kansas
kidney,

the straw that broke the camel's back happened last night in the round table..

after all the floor time was done there was an open discussion. topic was brought up and i replied to.. it garnered some discussion.

well, some of the replies brought up a certain issue that i deal with often and have a very hard time with... i thought, ok, seems that people are listening here, offering help, i'm going to talk about the issue that's bothering me...

so, even though i was AFRAID, i built up enough courage to say in a polite rational manner that i have this issue with regards to what's being discussed and this is what hurts me and why... posted it...

topic, immediately changed... no, sorry you're hurting, no hi, no bye, no kiss my butt, NOTHING... i laid out something that i've been afraid to talk about and was ignored like i have been many times before last night... i would've understood if it was left out there for a few minutes and noone replied because to me that would've said that perhaps nobody would know what to say.. but the topic got changed... made me feel like my issues don't matter.. especially, when it was said to me, during my floor time, that if i had an issue that i should talk about it and we'd be there to listen and help. that i should make myself a priority... funny... tried taking that advice and wow! what a priority i was...oh that's right, the slime on slugs are a higher priority than my issue...

silly was there. he can confirm that i'm not making this up in my own mind...

sorry, but i'm firggin' upset that i have to be there for everyone else but when i have an issue i'm non-existant...

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

Top
#334875 - 06/29/10 10:52 AM Re: I HURT! [Re: Obi]
traillius Offline


Registered: 04/21/10
Posts: 260
its okay to be upset. I wasn't there last night, but I am sure it must have hurt. I would like to know if there is anything I can do to help. I've been ignored many times, so I know it is a horrible feeling.


Top
#334876 - 06/29/10 11:07 AM Re: I HURT! [Re: traillius]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
I'm very sorry that happened. I does suck to take a shot to the sack when one is open.

I'm sure you've considered this but it is all that comes to mind. I amy be wrong but probably some of the folks were still too self focused to notice or had been thinking of what to say next while others were posting and did so at the first opportunity. Those who probably did sense your vulnerability probably stayed silent as you said because they had nothing to add. And your lack of protest, I assume you didn't complain on the spot as you didn't mention it, would have allowed them to assume the post wasn't as vulnerable as it was too you.

There is also the matter that you are strong and helpful which does create the image of a wholeness and an invulnerbility of sorts, which isn't necessarily the whole of who you are.
This tends to lead me at last to think you are doing very well all in all and the fact of your having ebbs and flows of pain just like the rest of us seems to be left out of mind.

And there is the added problem of written words not conveying the subtleties of ones emotions as would happen in person or at least with a voice.


I'm not excusing anyone or trying to minimize your experience Obi. I am trying to convey the sense that I have of your place on MS and that is one of the stronger better adjusted victims who provides help and support to those who are less able to do so for themselves at this point. I think that position made others unable to see you reaching out as it was unexpected.

Of course this is all theory as I wasn't there.

KT

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

Top
#334880 - 06/29/10 11:43 AM Re: I HURT! [Re: kidneythis]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1276
Loc: kansas
I'm not excusing anyone or trying to minimize your experience Obi. I am trying to convey the sense that I have of your place on MS and that is one of the stronger better adjusted victims who provides help and support to those who are less able to do so for themselves at this point. I think that position made others unable to see you reaching out as it was unexpected.


kidney,

i copied the above paragraph from your last reply...

first off, THANK YOU for that... it was a very nice compliment...

this is the one part that i did not consider and here's why...

i didn't realize that i put out this kind of image of myself. i have a hard time seeing it because i know i have issues. i know that i'm weak in a lot of areas.. plus, i don't see myself as better or worse than anyone else here... i know i have issues and that's why i'm here... if i didn't have issues then why would i even be here?

so, let me ask this question of everyone that wants to reply to...

do i give off this image of myself that i'm a stronger and better adjusted victim that provides help and support to those who are less able to do for themselves at this point?

todd

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

Top
#334881 - 06/29/10 11:52 AM Re: I HURT! [Re: kidneythis]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 506
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Todd,

First off, I want to apologize for not being at The Round Table last night. My Internet cut out again for the second day in a row, and both times during the evening, so I was unable to join the HC.

I'm sorry if you felt you were being ignored, buddy. I wish I had been there to help you.

Kidneythis already mentioned what I'm about to say. Sometimes, when you are being helpful to everyone, they can start to see you (unrealistically) as not having any problems at all; believe me, I know. They can forget that you are in recovery too, and need some help as well. And sometimes, we survivors go into chat needing desperately to talk about our problems, and just don't have the emotional capacity to handle the problems of the survivor that we are talking to at that time.

I'm sure what happened wasn't intentional, buddy. You know we love you and want to help you. I have never heard anyone here make one negative comment about you; actually, I have heard several here say how much they like you and care about you.

If we were thoughtless or a little too consumed with our problems to notice yours, buddy, then we're deeply sorry.

So, would you still like a little help? Can you post what your topic was, or PM someone about it? I, for just one, will listen to you and help you in any way I can. I'm sure others will, too.

Take heart, buddy. You are still very loved here. From all of us, to you: (((((((((((((((Todd)))))))))))))))

As always,

Your loving brothers at MS


Top
#334882 - 06/29/10 12:04 PM Re: I HURT! [Re: Obi]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
Hey Todd,

Sorry I havenít replied to this thread sooner, frankly I missed it. I would like to respond to your question from my perspective. It was only a week or so ago that you placed several posts that were along the lines of success over your issues. (Victim no more) type post. This is a great place to be in, one that many of us here strive for, gain momentarily, then lose sight of. When we feel it slip away it friggen hurts.

We have talked often on PM and open threads. You rarely come across that you are hurting and want/need something. So it is easy for some of us to think and believe you are in a better place than you might actually be.

Obi, you do have friends here how do care about you even if it takes a brick to get our attention, we do care. Earlbird

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

Top
#334883 - 06/29/10 12:13 PM Re: I HURT! [Re: earlybird]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1276
Loc: kansas
bobcat/earlybird,

appreciate the replies...

i hope you guys understand that it took a lot for me to be able to say what the issue was to have it left hanging like that and changed right after...

it set me back.... it put that issue back for me... right now i'm too afraid to say anything about it...

sorry...

todd

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

Top
#334903 - 06/29/10 04:23 PM Re: I HURT! [Re: Obi]
Riley Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/11/09
Posts: 597
Loc: USA
Todd,

It sucks to feel ignored it really does and you don't deserve it. I don't know why the other members didn't reply, it could be a million different reasons.

I am taking a marriage and the family class as an elective right now. The class began with dating. It gave a list of why a date doesn't call you back. 90% of the reasons had absolutely nothing to do with you. He also commented how most people blame themselves for a bad date. I guess my point is their are a million reasons why they didn't reply and most of them have absolutely NOTHING to do with you.

Just remember you do have friends here.




Edited by Riley (06/29/10 04:39 PM)
Edit Reason: didnt see page 2

Top
#334907 - 06/29/10 04:33 PM Re: I HURT! [Re: Obi]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
I don't doubt for a minute you were unaware of this yet I see you helping others confidently and effectively. I suspect like a lot of us you don't realize a lot of your own strengths. I must say for all my assertion I am just as frequently weak and unable to think let alone help.
I am only now learning to see this. It is something I was taught to name differently and thus I have always seen it wrongly as a personal defect so I hide it. I still don't recognize my "weaker" reactions and feelings in real time and often not even afterwards. You seem to at least be aware of yours and that is strenght ot me as well.
The mental and emotional abuse meant to make me retarded wasn't working fast enough so I was locked in a dark closet everyday for months on end. then I was left alone for years with nothing but abuse and no interaction that wasn't abusive or manipulative so I never learned anything about what was happeneing inside me. When I was "rescued" and taught I had to take the empircal knowledge I was given and cionstruct myself out of it because I didn't understand the feelings I had. In fact I believed these feelings, all of them negative, painful, and fear filled, to be personal defects and treated them that way all of my life.

So you have some idea now of where my perspective comes from. Your ability to mostly understand your feelings and those of others and go on to offer effective advbice make me think you are well adjusted if not yet fully healthy and reecovered from your abuse.



Edited by kidneythis (06/29/10 04:35 PM)
_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

Top
#334908 - 06/29/10 04:53 PM Re: I HURT! [Re: kidneythis]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1276
Loc: kansas
kidney,

again i appreciate your thoughts... but i know that i'm nowhere near fully healthy and recovered...

that's the reason i'm here. that's the reason i ask for help...

i have issues.. i know what they are and i know that there are probably some others still lurking that i haven't even discovered yet... when i came to ms, my world opened up immensely. i learned a lot and discovered many issues that i have that i didn't know i had... i'm still learning to this day.

i do what i can to stay positive. i do what i can to help others, even when sometimes i'm not in the right frame of mind. i do what i can to help myself.. however, i'm also smart enough to know that i can't do this all by myself. that i do need support and help too...

i just hope that in the future i don't have to go to this extreme to get help... it's not pleasant...

todd

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

Top
Page 2 of 4 < 1 2 3 4 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.