Newest Members
journey4two, VASurvivor, jayceemac, rwolf, FindingNemo
12328 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Alicia (55), bubblytam (56), crazydragon (39), JGag78 (36), kris82 (32), Shin (28)
Who's Online
2 registered (2 invisible), 16 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12328 Members
74 Forums
63402 Topics
443276 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#334362 - 06/21/10 08:41 PM To the guys who called me queen of geeks earlier !
Pattycakes Offline


Registered: 05/23/10
Posts: 109
Loc: Canada
... you were right !! Someday I'll post a few things that will balance out my geekness, but for now, THIS is what I'll be doing in August.

http://www.niubniubsuniverse.com/

The force is strong with me !!

Pattycakes
Ever-fixedMark: I'll find a way to get back at you LOL
See you around in chat!



Edited by Pattycakes (06/21/10 08:43 PM)
Edit Reason: grammar
_________________________
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.-Mother Theresa




Top
#334379 - 06/22/10 01:43 AM Re: To the guys who called me queen of geeks earlier ! [Re: Pattycakes]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 728
Loc: United States
"Away put your weapon, I mean you no harm."

-THX1138

_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

Top
#334386 - 06/22/10 07:56 AM Re: To the guys who called me queen of geeks earlier ! [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
Pattycakes Offline


Registered: 05/23/10
Posts: 109
Loc: Canada
why am I picturing you in the cantina asking the bartender for cake? LOL

Princess Leia: 'Darth Vader. Only you could be so bold.'

_________________________
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.-Mother Theresa




Top
#334480 - 06/23/10 01:25 PM Re: To the guys who called me queen of geeks earlier ! [Re: Pattycakes]
KingFred Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/23/10
Posts: 57
Loc: West Coast, USA
"...you scruffy looking Nerf Herder!"
"Who you callin' scruffy lookin'?"

ROFL.

_________________________
Not particularly a fan of hugs. High fives and well wishes are always appreciated though.

Top
#334513 - 06/23/10 11:09 PM Re: To the guys who called me queen of geeks earlier ! [Re: KingFred]
Pattycakes Offline


Registered: 05/23/10
Posts: 109
Loc: Canada


I was going to PM some of you to say I won't be coming here anymore. I am at the end of my rope. I litterally begged for a hug from my boyfriend (which I didn,t get) and I will not continue to humiliate myself this way.

If I didn't love this man, it wouldn't hurt like this. I feel like a failure for not being able to go through this. I feel like I'm failing myself, my boyfriend and all the guys here who are working so hard on their recovery. I hate the fact that I have become one of these women who just couldn't handle it but after 11 months of not even having been to his place, I'm calling it quits. I didn't even say this to him. After I said that all I needed was a hug, he looked at me and just said his wall was up.
I knew I wouldn't get a hug and it hurt me so much that I said I was going home and left him there, on that bench. I saw the hurt on his face and I feel like such a bad person. You should have seen the look on his face he was so hurt. I was always able to see beyond his coping mechanisms but now I have to admit defeat. His mechanisms are so strong, they literally pushed me aside. And the look on his face... If he only could see me as clearly as I see him, he would ... I don't know.

I'm so hurt, you guys. I don't recall being this hurt in my whole life. the look on his face, it's driving me crazy. When he realized I was walking away, I could see him without a wall, without anything and all I could see is that I hurt him. I'm just feeling awful. I want him to knock on my door and tell me everything is going to be all right but I know it won't happen.

The worst part is that he's going to think he doesn't matter to me. He's going to start thinking that I never loved him since I could turn around and leave.

I'm not a monster. I just needed a hug.




Edited by Pattycakes (06/23/10 11:45 PM)
_________________________
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.-Mother Theresa




Top
#334520 - 06/23/10 11:56 PM Re: To the guys who called me queen of geeks earlier ! [Re: Pattycakes]
KingFred Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/23/10
Posts: 57
Loc: West Coast, USA
*takes a deep, deep breath* Safe hug if ok. (sorry, not normally a fan of hugs)
Maybe you can call him, or go over to his place and tell him what you just told us.

_________________________
Not particularly a fan of hugs. High fives and well wishes are always appreciated though.

Top
#334525 - 06/24/10 07:35 AM Re: To the guys who called me queen of geeks earlier ! [Re: KingFred]
Pattycakes Offline


Registered: 05/23/10
Posts: 109
Loc: Canada
thanks for the hug, KingFred.

thing is I've never been to his place, never met his friends, there is absolutely no place for me in his life. He says it frustrates him to not be able to let me in, literally and figuratively.

Actually, KingFred, the hug is what I needed. He can't do that for me when I need it, only when he feels he wants to. I ended up in chat last night and two amazing guys there gave me hugs, encouragement and they don't even know me. And now you too. You are all strangers and I have never met you and you are being supportive of me after yourselves going through 'difficult' times. You are not a fan of hugs and still send me one. I'm being given here what I want him to give me and you guys being so wonderful only sheds more light on the fact that he's absolutely not there for me.
I love this man. More than he thinks he deserves and that's part of the problem. I deserve a hug. I deserve to be able to invite him to a bbq on Canada Day with a chance of him saying yes. It's his birthday soon and he keeps saying he wants to turn his life around. Things don't just happen. They have to be felt, he needs to START recovery.
I can't push, pull or force him into that. I can only step back now. It doesn't change anything if I'm there or not. After 11 months, that's the heartbreaking conclusion. I waited 5 months for him to be comfortable enough to give me his phone number. I've been supportive, loving, caring. These emotions have been almost sucked dry from me and whatever's left, I need to keep for myself. For I know I'm a good person and I need to support and love myself too as well as take care of myself.
I am heartbroken. The only thing that still brings warmth in my heart is the fact that you guys were nice to me and that you accepted me for who I am. You could all see how much I love him and how much I cheered for him. He can't see that. I know he wants to.
Anyways, I'm moving soon and I need to pack my things today. Won't do me any good to cry. I could end up packing my cat by mistake.

I wish all of you guys all the best in your recovery. to all of you who have significant others, please take 30 seconds today to give them a hug. To all of you who don't have someone in their lives, you should know that everyone of you is worth being loved and today you should take 30 seconds to give yourself a hug.

Very sincerely,
Pattycakes

_________________________
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.-Mother Theresa




Top
#334678 - 06/26/10 09:57 AM Re: To the guys who called me queen of geeks earlier ! [Re: Pattycakes]
broken13 Offline


Registered: 06/18/10
Posts: 37
Loc: ohio
Pattyscakes, I need to go back through your posts and read your story. Your bf seems like he's in a really bad place right now. After 11 months with you I'm not sure why he is so very distant. I will go read about your situation more and then try to comment. I have been married for 17 yrs (with H for 19) and knew of his abuse from the start. It's been a long tough rough and we are at the worst of it right now cuz he acted out and put our relationship at great risk. I don't know if I can be of any help from the "partner" side of things. I feel your love for him but I can also say that I've had a lonely life at times with my H and he wasn't pushing me away literally .... he just wasn't opening up and building intimacy with me. At this point in our marriage we "should" be soul mates. He says he feels we are but you can't have a secret hidden sexual lifestyle while allowing your "soul mate" to think everything is fine. Something definitely is missing and I think it's because I've given extra emotionally .... I've filled in the holes when he wasn't able to give .... I overcompensated for what was lacking <----- does that make sense?

Hugs to you ... don't leave this site .... I just found it! Hang in there!

_________________________
... when you feel like you are falling to the bottom remember God will either catch you or teach you how to fly

... there is a cost to the soul of a person when trust is broken.

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.